When Daddies Pray

This weekend, we traveled with a truck bed full of a little girl's best memories: paintings, blankets, trinkets, and yes. Even a stuffed animal or two. We are taking our girl to college. 

She's our oldest, so it's as raw as it can possibly get. However, I don't know how this will ever feel like an old hat-it will always hurt with each of our babies, and next it's our Irish twins. Two at once.

We've sat through parent sessions and scoped out where to find sushi. We've trained her up, so she discovered where to get the best coffee. We hung lights and assembled a swivel chair. 

We even helped navigate the awkward roommate meet-cute when we were in the middle of unpacking, and the roomy's family descended into that tiny room. We did what most people do. We said our friendly introductions and then pretended they weren't there while we unpacked our kid's underwear. It's a learning curve for all of us. 

We are each processing. At different times and different ways. We take turns being quiet for longer than usual. I've noticed we've each hung back at different times, and I assume they are doing the same thing I did. Wiping tears that appear out of nowhere when struck with the thought that this is real. Our baby girl is grown. 

Last night there was a dedication service. She's attending a Christian college, so worship. Then teaching. Then prayer. 

Which translates to tear. Tear. And sobbing. They asked us to pray a blessing over our kids. We grouped as families, so it was just the three of us. 

So many thoughts ran through my mind. I was taken back to the time it was always just us three musketeers. The years between Izzy and Elijah when we tried so hard to have another baby. We lost two in that span of time. I remember praying with all my heart to be content to remain just the three of us. God saw us through. 

I also couldn't stop running through all the things I still have to teach her! Like a ticker tape at the bottom of the news screen. I'm not ready! There's still so much to say. 

So I prayed and thanked God for trusting us with this girl and was mostly a jumble and mess of thoughts and hopes and regrets and wishes. 

But then her daddy prayed and said all the things that little girl and I needed to hear. What we had been trying to say, but couldn't quite place the words. 

To the men here. You need to know something. God has called you to lead your family. You are called to lead in love and prayer and to seek God for every answer. We depend on you. 

From the beginning of man, God has placed you before us. There's a reason your shoulders are broad and your physical strength is great. There's a reason you don't cry quite as easily. You are called to lead us. 

The family dynamic has long been skewed. We could probably trace it all the way to that minute when Eve took that apple and Adam blamed her that he ate it. But this doesn't need to dictate us now. 

Daddies. Pray. Pray for your wives. Your daughters. Your sons. Pray for your legacy! Your words move mountains. Your example creates a ripple effect of boys who became godly men. Your prayers fill in the insecurities the enemy attempts to place in your daughters and they remind those girls of their worth. 

So much has transpired over the past couple days to bring me comfort and hope. To instill confidence that our girl is going to be amazing in this place. That she was in fact created for such a time as this. 

But when her daddy prayed, she knew it too. 

I Took My Daughter to Get Her First Tattoo: I am that mom

There are hundreds of things we say no to with our kids:

Don't touch

Don't eat that

No jumping

No sitting

No standing

Don't lick that

Don't miss your curfew.

I remember when my kids reached the year of less than obedient threes. I caught myself saying no to everything, even if my answer to them could have been a yes. 

When my now adult 18 year old daughter said she wanted a tattoo, I didn't hesitate. "I'll pay for it if I can come with you." A year long conversation ensued. 

We talked about hasty decisions I've made when much prayer was needed. We talked about what tattoos mean to her. Is it just something pretty? Will you always feel in favor of tattoos? 

Do your tattoos need to tell a story or can they just be pretty? 

Are there jobs or situations you could find yourself in that might not welcome your tattoos? 

How about when you're a missionary in another country and you want people to listen to your message? What if their culture doesn't allow them to look past your tattoo? 

Where will you place it? Are you for or against face tattoos? No, that isn't an obvious answer. 

We talked about WHAT is a good idea for permanent and what should only be drawn in sharpie marker. Winnie the Pooh? Hmm. The face of your first boyfriend? Please say no. Mom in a big red heart. Probably. 

She was going to get a tattoo. It wasn't a question. I didn't get a say in it because she is a grown up woman baby, and she can think for herself. I WANT her to think for herself. But I don't have to just step aside. 

She's my girl. I love her and she respects me as her momma. We've worked to have lines of communication. Once we've talked, she can take my words or leave them. But I've done my part. I've loved her enough to brooch the tricky subjects. No glossing. Enough with the glossing. 

She drew these flowers herself. I'm so proud of this beautiful girl. 

Ps. Thanks for not getting these on your face. 

Dear Graduate: an open letter to my senior

You are my first one, but still, I know what I want to say. Are you listening? These words matter.

You are going to meet hundreds of new people in the coming four years. Some of them won't believe in you. Some will reject you and won't understand you when you offer random movie quotes.

You'll throw out an "I'm picking up on your sarcasm," and they'll respond with blank stares or a side glanced mumble of, "sarcasm?" 

Your shoulders will want to go droopy, but don't let them. You don't need those other people to be complete. You be Tommy Boy and Richard all by yourself, and end the whole conversation with, "well I should hope so. I'm laying it on rather thick." 

Always remember that you are my past, present, and my future. You are everyone's future. The whole world is waiting for you. These next four years aren't meant to find yourself. God knows exactly where you are. 

If you haven't heard who you are, ask Jesus. Not a soul at your college knows who you are. This is your pen. Your paper. Refuse to hand those over.

And then remember what your mama told you. Remember how beautiful your daddy thinks you are. 

Because, little girl, there will be days like this. Days like this. Mama said there'll be days like this. 

Days when you spend half an hour getting your rooster hairs to lie flat and you'll walk out to drizzle that only fills up your super cute Rainboots. 

Days when you turn in a term paper and your professor appears to have missed the memo that says you're a great writer. That C will feel like a burn, but you just remember who your Nanie says you are and how your little brother looks up to you as his greatest gift. Why else would he always try to put his armpit in your face? 

There will be temptations you have so far faced head on. There will be new ones, too. When you stand firmly before them deciding, you just remember who plants your feet and where he has promised to take you. 

College isn't a season to get out of the way or merely explore. It isn't a means to an end. This is your time to learn and grow and dig your roots in deep. In this time remember how your sister looks up to you, even though you are shorter than her. Height means nothing when you fill shoes the way you do. You've always been a great example.

This is a time to become the most audacious you we have seen yet. High school graduation may feel like an end to a lifetime, but, Graduate, you have been created for such a time as this. You are my Esther and my David and my Mary and my Joshua all rolled into one. 

When you're scared, you remember whose wings you are under. When you're hungry, don't forget what sustains you. When you're thirsty, drink from the well that won't run dry. 

There's no age you should be waiting to become. Be unbelievable right now. Stand up for those who can't stand on their own. Let your little light shine in the darkest spaces. Always remember there's nothing you can't do. Some adults may even tell you that dream is too big. What they mean is THEY are scared. 

Philippians 4:13 because, sweetheart, you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. 

And because nobody puts Baby in the corner. 

Don't ever forget it.

~Nonsense

Spring Days

Spring around here is chock-a-bock full. It makes my head swim. There's not a year that has gone by that I haven't stopped and suddenly realized I am barely treading water. This year is no different. 

It's mostly good stuff, really. I mean except that I have the added stress of losing my primary income in a couple weeks and the added hours of updating resumes, filling out 25 page applications (no joke), and gathering old information. We have moved so much that providing seven years worth of addresses is really a pain in my nuggets. I don't retain such information. 

But three out of four birthdays have passed. My anniversary was celebrated with a few fits of giggles and happy hearts (and a tattoo). Spring break was a long time coming and well worth my pantless time. And Easter has now been celebrated with family and singing and eggs and turkey sandwiches. We went light this year. 

Baseball is in full swing and track starts today. Ballet recitals are around the corner. 

Still on the books? I don't even want to say. I can't even talk about it. I won't. I've decided to cancel anyway, so is it even worth mentioning? 

My baby. My first born. My loin fruit. She is turning 16 on Wednesday. SAY IT AIN'T SO! 

I'll say it. It's not happening. We are going a different direction. We are moving this company along a different route. We are reanalyzing. It just isn't in our best interest. 

Sometimes I wish life worked that way. But the fact is, I've now been a mamma for nearly 17 years. From the minute that little peanut showed up in my belly. I'll never forget how much I was almost not glad to know her because I went to get dressed and my favorite pants wouldn't button. 

Isabelle Rose. How dare you? BUT. if we are focusing on the good times, there have been more than a few. 

Movie quotes

Japanese speaking at the age of two. 

Dislocated elbows before you turned one. 

Movie quotes

Hours of Gilmore Girls

Letting me call you loin fruit

The Breakfast Club

Realizing why you hated Easter egg hunts. 

Beaches with blankets, jeans, sweatshirts, and books. Screw you sunshine. Go sell crazy someplace else. 

Disneyland and mermaids with huge tails. 

Murdering "sea turtles" at Newport Beach. 

Honestly this weird list could go on forever. But the fact is, I've got a girl who stole my heart 16 years ago. I've not fully recovered since. Happy birthday baby girl. You give weird a good name. 

Which One Are You?

I often feel as if there are only two types of people in this world: this time it has nothing to do with Neil Diamond. 

This time I am referring to those with whom absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the other sort: out of sight, out of mind. 

Maybe you're one of these people who doesn't know which category you fall in, but I'm certain you are one or the other. And Id wager you're the latter. Like me. 

It's hard for me to try to have a relationship with someone I don't relate to. If you aren't even in the same country it's going to be a beastly time finding common ground. 

My now hubby/then boyfriend (let's call him Mike) and I got to talking in our dating years. I confessed that I am against three qualities in a man. My betrothed may never be a musician, a cop, or travel for business. I had my reasons, and I stand by them today. 

Musicians make fun flings. In my experiences (and I've had nearly four decades of experiencing musicians) musicians struggle with the reality of what waits for them at home when they are famous or fake famous or not famous at all. I can make my own music. I'm sure there are plenty of healthy musician/groupy wife combos, but I'm just not interested. Get your harmonica and get outta here.

Police have the number one divorce rate and many suffer from anger issues. Move your funny baton down the road. I like your boots, man, but no thanks. 

And world travelers? This goes back to musician mentality with an added dose of  if I got married it means I want to be near you. 

I used to think I was pretty harsh in my rules, but I realized I am a quality time girl. I need your bod near mine if this relationship is going to work. So, if you wanna show the love, visit. 

Of course I can be reasonable. My Izzy (15) is in El Salvador for ten days. I can remember her for ten days. But I miss her. And I'm bored without her. And I may or may not sit next to her bed while she sleeps off mission trip exhaustion. She will never know. It's fine! It will only get creepy when she wakes and I talk with her in my scroachy voice* and call her mrs. Taurance while using my finger as a spokesperson.**

I will be honest and say I am a smidgeon concerned about their college years. I mean. These are my kids. I love even their rough spots because they are my babies. What if they go away and they slip my mind because they aren't close by? I've been working on a solution. We are buying a sweet RV. the big ones. The mansion types. When we retire, we will drive it from kid to kid, wherever they end up, and visit for a month at a time. Then in the winter, The Man and I will hole up in Costa Rica. 

They'll visit. I'm sure they'll visit. 

In the meantime, I'm going to work at being purposeful with anyone who isn't automatically in my every day. Because I still love all of you. I just forget to show it. 

My girl comes home this weekend. We will watch an episode of Gilmore Girls and laugh before the funny things happen and quote it and she will say again that it's weird to her that I may be a real life Lorelai because "she tries to be funny even when it's a really serious situation. She's awkward". And I'm going to choose to take it as a compliment because funny is my safety mechanism. Ahh. Life as it should be. 

*dear Addie. Thank you again for this new word. Scroachy. 

**all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.