Remember When

Remember when I mentioned in passing that my neck is causing headaches in a way that feels unnatural and a bit rude? Well, today, I had ex-rays and let me just say Point Proven. Most people have a backwards C curve to their necks areas. I have a C curve, but it is no longer backwards. In fact, it is so jacked up my chiropractor is recommending traction. He assures me I am fixable, thank you Jesus. Not that God couldn't just wiggle a finger and call it good, but maybe, just maybe he is opting to use this man and his training to do the job. I don't call that any less than a miracle. Here is a little preview of what he is recommending.

well, OK it isn't quite that "cool" but you get the idea.

Where Were You??

It's nearly 7am on September 11. 7am is when my sister by law called and woke me. We had two and a half kids then, no dog. My husband was already at work, and I am pretty sure I had been up on and off in the night with babes.
We watched the repeat footage of the first plane crashing into the first tower, still under the impression that a terrible accident had occurred. Our programing was interrupted with news and footage of the second tower crash. She said, "This seems bad." Hind sight.

I cried. I got my kids settled with breakfast and my husband came home. I cried. I watched the news in my room on and off, but I am typically anti the news, and I don't let my kids watch it, so I went about my day as usually sneaking a peak every now and then hoping for new news. Rather than spending my night teaching bible study as I had planned, our church gathered for a prayer vigil. The pastor asked people to stand if they had a loved one or knew of someone still unaccounted for in a crash or New York or the Pentagon or  Pennsylvania field. There were very few people left sitting.
The next day, The Man got a call from his boss saying their company had been asked to fly to New York to set up the computer networking needed for the Red Cross. My first thought was NO WAY. My second thought was, "I am pregnant with baby number three, and there is no way he is flying." Then I thought, "NO." I finally came around to remembering God is in control of my husband and his life. So, he got on a plane and flew to New York. Because the disaster was much greater than anyone foresaw, he didn't get to do much. He was home in a couple of days and clearly in one piece, but if you have never had to experience sending your husband on a plane INTO a crisis, say a quick thank you prayer. I do not recommend it.

Tomorrow morning my husband, the fire fighter, is participating in a remembrance of the fire fighters killed that day. That's a sad way to start a morning. 
All this to say, "Where were you?"

It's All in the Timing

One minute ago, I was finishing up my homework discussion questions and wondering why people get offended when others follow directions. A guy in my class is annoyed that a girl in my class made a suggestion on his paper. Our assignment? Post your paper and allow others to make suggestions.

One hour ago, I was thinking I had a LOT more homework to complete because I had yet to read that my assignment isn't due until next week. I was contemplating whether or not I should turn off the movie I was watching and focus (but I decided no because Robert Downy Jr in Heart and Soul is just too irresistible).

One day ago, I was snuggling into the guest bed at the Harrison B&B after pigging out at the Rib Cook off (yes we drove there to attend; don't judge me)

One week ago, I was saying a sad salute over the fact that we were going to miss the rib cook off for the first time in at least a decade.

One month ago, we were moving and upheaved and overwhelmed and tired of transition.

One year ago, we felt the winds of change as we felt, heard, and saw God preparing us for new. New can be good. Little, Yellow, Different. Nuprin. I wish I had Nuprin. My head feels like it may explode from the pain that is my headache.

First Day of School and Some Other Beeswax

Sam I Am and I stayed home today with The Man while these and the rest of our hooligans attended their first day of school. While Elijah and Layla Grace have been to school before, this was Addison's  first round of elementary school. The bottom picture is an exact likeness of the happiness she felt minutes before walking into class. Currently, she is bleary eyed as she reads me a story about a blue monster from Sesame Street. I have never seen her so exhausted. So cute.
Here are the top ten highlights of my day:

1. Addison's smile before class
2. My children's enthusiasm at being in school
3. Finding out each of my kids have pretty great teachers, whom they each love
4. Eating breakfast and lunch with just The Man and Sam I Am
5. Cleaning things in my house that stayed clean after I touched them
6. Finishing my homework before midnight in a quiet house
7. The routines now in place because school has started- I heart routine
8. That Addison is reading to me
9. Everyone is tired enough to go right to sleep when their 7:30 bedtime rolls around
10. It's a repeating cycle

"Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?" Ferris Beuller

Speaking of Beef Jerky (or boys)

Here are mine: Elijah is going to be a fifth grader, and Samuel is going to be a kindergartener. Sigh.

Our Boys (and Girls, Too)

Sometimes I read a book that gets me fired up (to serve) and I want people to read it. This time I am reading Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson. I like him. Probably because my mother read all of his books when I was a kid and raised us according to much of his advice, so it is familiar. Also, because I have seen his advice change parents, including myself and my mother, and our approach to kids.

This morning I was reading about boys and their self image and how vastly different the men these boys become can be. I have personally heard testimony of a grown man who suffered with eating disorders and self image issues to the extent of considering suicide. There were other struggles beside body image, but when I look at what a solid man of God this guy is, it proves to me that satan can tempt anyone in to believing these nasty lies. He is subtle.
I am pretty sure that is the devil's forte: subtlety. He gets us to believe before we even realize we are believing HIM. It brings up the question: Why do we go round and round with God and His word before we will begin to consider it, but we take what the father of lies tells us at a mere whisper?
The passage I read today was wrought with statistics of boys and violence, abuse, abusing, drug and alcohol addiction, and every other devastating path parents are terrified to consider. Herein lies the problem.
I get these stats. I get that so many of them stem from boys from seriously jacked up homes, so bottom line, these boys didn't stand a chance. What really gets me aggravated are the boys who come from solid homes, two loving and present parents, happy homes. The ones who kill themselves in 8th grade because of bullying at school and didn't know how to cope.

It isn't enough as parents to pray away what scares us in our children and their futures. WE MUST EQUIP OUR CHILDREN TO DEAL.

I am a huge believer in prayer. Come over for coffee sometime, and I will give you a time line of events showcasing the answered prayers in my life. It's real. I am also a believer in the brain, skills, gifts, and heart God gave to me. As it turns out, I have things I can teach my kids, so that when they find themselves face to face with that puking vomitous mass the devil they have the words to speak and the know how to deal.

Too many parents fall asleep fearful of the road their child is on or what evils may worm its way into their child's heart. The fact is, we live in the world. Evil is everywhere; you can't run; you can't hide. But you can equip. Does your child know what to do if he/she is being bullied? Does your kid know what anorexia is and what to do if they see it in a friend or someone at school? Does your kid know you love them and consider them handsome/beautiful? Does your kid know what to do if someone in the high school locker room shows them a pornographic picture? Herein lies the second problem.

You have to be brave enough to ask those poignant, probably embarrassing questions.
Here is a transcript of a conversation with Eli a few months ago:

(As we drive in the car alone together.)
Me: So, are you excited to be in fifth grade?
Eli: yes! I am very excited.
Me: The kids in 5th grade are different than fourth grade. Sometimes stuff will come up that may not always be appropriate.
Eli: What? Gross. What?
Me: Well, what would you do if boy asked you to come look at a magazine and when you got there it was of naked people?
Eli: MOMMY! OH MY... WHAT? That's gross.
Me: Yes, but not all boys are raised by our house rules. Some families may not think it's a big deal, or their family members make bad choices and have magazines like those, so the kids find them and bring them to school. What do you do?
Eli: There are magazines like that?
Me: I am not trying to give you ideas of what to spend your money on. I want to know what you will do.
Eli: ew. that is so inappropriate. I wouldn't look.
Me: I am glad to hear that. Because that is disrespectful to you, and to that girl, and that girl's parents who are probably not very proud of her career choice. Is that all you would do? Just not look?
Eli: I don't know. I guess.
Me: Well that's great that you wouldn't look, but maybe your friend doesn't have anyone in his life to tell him that isn't OK. Maybe he is looking for someone to tell him he doesn't have to look at stuff like that to be cool. Can you think of something you could say to him so he knows you still like him for him and that he shouldn't look at magazines or other inappropriate pictures?
Eli: um. Yeah. I could tell him, "hey man, that magazine is gross. You shouldn't look at that either because it's disrespectful. Wanna go ride our skateboards?
Me: That's perfect. Now you have let him off the hook from trying to be cool, you have been a positive influence in his life, and you have now made yourself a safe friend for him. He doesn't have to be someone else; he can be a little kid and ride skate boards.
Eli: OK. Can we talk about something else?
Me: Yep, I love you buddy. I am proud of you. And, last thing, if something like that ever happens, even if you don't make the right choice, you can tell me or daddy.
Eli: I think I will tell Daddy. He will understand.
Me: I am fine with that. (Although, I am a little nervous as to why my son thinks my husband will understand porn talk)

Now, I am not delusional. I am sure Eli will be tempted plenty and not always make the right choices. But, I have done my job as a parent and he is much better prepared when something comes up. I have helped him to pre-think a situation and its outcome rather than having to play clean up or cowering in my bed with fear. I am a mother; translation, I am a warrior. I am prepared to fight for my kids.
And, I know that what I say gets through to my kids. On a car ride with Izzy I asked her if any of the boys at school have wanted to be more than friends, and she casually said a boy had just asked her out. (This is a boy who had come to her because he heard she prayed and his parents were divorcing and he was devastated. She prayed with him and we prayed for him in our family prayers over the next few weeks). I asked her response to his request. She told him it didn't really make sense to be his girlfriend because she wasn't planning on marrying him(a conversation we had previously about dating). Then she invited him to dinner at our house. He came, and it was really great.

He told her he thought she was a little crazy but that he really liked her. They were friends til she switched schools.

Why He is Called The Man

So, once again, my husband is amazing. He worked so hard for the last three weeks to complete a crash course fire fighter's academy. He graduated Friday, and I was left overwhelmed with how God works, not only giving me a man who is simply someone to be proud of at every turn, but God also knew how much we would love being here. As it turns out, we are small town people. Here are some pics of the big event.
This is my kids getting a tour of the fire fighters' museum. Old hoses, turn outs, and fantastic pictures of the city back in the day when horses pulled their water tanks to the fire. The only real let down was the tour guide telling Samuel that he could not jump out of the building onto one of the old school trampolines used to catch people as they jump out a burning building.

And this is Samuel communicating with the machine that will now tell us where to find the last golden ticket and exactly what we can do with a life time supply of chocolate.

Old turn outs. Super cool.

Last time Eli pinned his Daddy. This time Layla Grace asked if she could do the honors. So sweet.

The Man. He is truly a good lookin' man.

This is the fire engine The Man will be riding in. 'Cause he is awesome.

And this is Samuel and the best present he has ever received. I sort of want to buy him a box of these for Christmas. Sort of.

And this is Sam telling his new friend all about it.

Oh My Heck, I Broke My Neck

Okay, not really. But I am in so much subtle pain. I realize some people are in unsubtle pain, which is way worse, but this is my blog. Why would I write about them?
Being here makes me miss my chiropractor; I like to call him Mr. Aric. Neither of us are big fans of Facebook, so I can't drop him a line and say how I miss the way he would twist my neck around like an owl and send me crying from his office. You wouldn't think it's true, but it is. I have had a head ache for at least 21 days. Am I exaggerating you ask? No, no I am probably under estimating in fact.
I visited him just before the big move. My neck was apparently so tense he couldn't get my bones to go back to their originally appointed position. That is just rude of my muscles if you ask me. And why wouldn't you; it's my blog. Haven't we been over this? Don't confuse me; I have a headache.
This may be what I look like now:

Oh, and good news; our insurance doesn't kick in after 30 days. It kicks in at the first full calendar month. I get to wait two more weeks than I thought. MR. AAAARIC!!!!! I may drive back to Reno for an adjustment. That is not a euphemism. Don't make me laugh; I have a headache.

Some Things I Have Learned About Idaho

In Idaho, Addison is not as good at putting on sun screen

The trees here are amazing. Truly

The corn here is DELISH!! For reals. We live around the corner from the Karcher Farmer's Market. They sell unbelievable corn, fruit, veggies, dime store candies, and cinnamon rolls. So. Happy.

There are several restaurants here that have been featured on Food Network. Today we visited Rockies where we pigged right out after a long walk through the Boise Zoo.

Common in My House

I give a direction or make a request.

My son argues.

I want to pluck said son in the neck.

I don't. I give him chores.

He cries.

His life is clearly terrible. Also, sometimes he is just a boob.

First Impressions

Now, some people like to make a certain impression when they meet a new group of people. The Brewers like to take matters into their own hands. Today, we met several fire fighters and their families. Everyone was super nice, and I even got to meet the other new guy's wife and son. Then came the games. Elijah, Layla Grace, and The Man joined in for the "Dig the Hubba Bubba out of the pile of whip cream and try to blow a bubble first" game.

While no one took the number one slot for this game, we did manage to win two trays of cupcakes in the cupcake walk. BREWERS RULE (Say this like the Opey Convention kids from Black Sheep who yell "O'DOYLE RULES" randomly through the movie)

JS. Got the Kids in Bed by 8:30

Today I...

Woke up at 6:27am. No reason. Just did it. I have a wild side.
Went back to sleep at 6:28am. WILD I tell ya.
Woke a few minutes later to my husband's first alarm signaling his wake up call for his first day of work.
Woke a few minutes later to my husband's SECOND alarm signaling his wake up call for his first day of work.
Slept til 10am when I had to force myself to get out of bed as my belly was so hungry my button was rubbing a hole in my backbone (this is how I speak now. I live in Idaho).
Opened my iPhone Bible app.
Blinked
Closed my iPhone Bible app.
Opened my game apps and played Words With Friends with pals across the nation.
Made myself half of a bagel and a cup of coffee and ate
Dragged my body into decent clothes and fought with my internet connection to print the information I needed for the applications I planned to submit today
Wrestled with my wireless printer. It got ugly, but I put him in a full nelson and made him call me mamma
Won
Drove to Boise to pick up fingerprint cards
Drove to Meridian to be fingerprinted
Drove back to Boise to turn in my application for my teaching license and sub license
Drove to Nampa, the city in which I now live
Stopped by Target for necessities like Playdoh
Ran into Best Buy to exchange my iPod car player as the previous one was beneath me.
Made a pretty delish dinner-Ground turkey stroganoff, broccoli with a hint of cheddar, and garlic bread.
Signed up for milk man delivery service. Do I look like I am kidding? I am giddy as a school girl!! My husband is a little concerned on several levels.
Ate ice cream in my neighbor's driveway whilst getting to know her. Her name is Jessica. She has three small kids, several family members who live on our very street, and  husband that is often away for work. I like her. We will be walking buddies starting tomorrow night. By Wednesday we will be jogging buddies because walking takes too long.
Hung out with my family. I like them.
Put my kids to bed at 11, which is not at all appropriate.
Planned how to get them in bed earlier tomorrow.

Settling In

Who knew you generate so much trash when you move? Raise your hand. Not me. We are on huge box number two of trash bags. The first one was gone before we moved. That means 42 bags of garbage left my house. How is that possible? Then we have only a few bags left in our new house box. Yikes.
But, it's necessary. We have about 400sqf. less than our Reno house, but a lot more storage in closets and what not. You may not know how I feel about what not, but I love it. I try to fit what not in whenever possible. The possibilities are endless: my pocket, my purse, my hand, your hand. Endless.

• Our house is beautiful. We are taking reservations.
• My piano fits perfectly
• There are several churches very near our house, so no more commuting
• The grocery store is inches from our house (well, if I was a giant, but still, very close)
• The movie theatre is less than inches from our house; we could walk if we were feeling fiesty. I feel a date night coming on VERY soon
• We are on the outskirts of town still; this time it means we are 11 minutes from everything in our city instead of 6. There are four exits on the freeway that exit into our city. Weird but true. 
• We live in the best neighborhood ever. Seriously. The kids are cool and polite, the families are large, no one so far is Mormon, and the womens are pretty great. My immediate neighbor speaks in Friends quotes. I shed a tear.
• There is a 40% chance we are coming to Reno for the Rib Cook off. It has been a tradition for a decade. I am not sure my body will allow me to miss the lemonade. We will keep you updated.
• The Man starts his new job on Monday. He is anxious, excited, freaked out, stressed, unnerved. Pray for peace. 
• Jobs for me seem to be scarce. I am not complaining. I miss being home with no outside work responsibilities. I would love to find something that is bendy. Subbing at the around-the-corner-Christian-school is looking convenient. There are also several teachers on my street who said they will hook me up with sub jobs. Then I can work around Mike's schedule and be around for the kids. 
• I am looking so forward to together time with Sam I Am. Singing JUST YOU AND IIII..HIIII!

So Long NV

Crazy as it seems the big day is here. We leave this morning. It seems strange and a little unreal, but I am sure it will hit me as soon as the nostalgia wears off and I realize I don't live here anymore. It will REALLY sink in when I realize I can't secretly stop by the rib cook off several times over the weekend. Truth be told we don't think we have it in us to miss it, I mean we like all of you so much we may come back to visit. 

Pray for peace and a good church. Pray for good hair while you're at it. The Man's has been a bit unruly. If you are ever in the area stop by for coffee and vittles and a big squeeze (I don't mean an interogation). See you soon. Miss you already.

Melancholy

I do not like this feeling, but it's happening to me. Clearly there is much going on that makes me feel this way along with several other crazy emotions.
This morning though, I got a text saying an old friend of mine committed suicide last Monday. We worked together for a couple years, she was my roommate for a while, and she was around for some pretty important happenings in my life- namely, my car accident in San Diego when I was without family and 7 months pregnant and beginning labor on the freeways of San Diego. She came down there like an irate mother and wouldn't let the doctors take another minute before giving me an answer about my baby. She also helped me practice my conversation before calling my husband, who was then stationed several hours away in Washington, to tell him that little baby may come out before he makes it home (and three months early). She was a good hand holder, always did the dishes, and will always be part of a really important story in my life.

Thanks Kate.

What Are We Up To?

Packing. The end. NO WAIT!!

We invite all of you to say good-bye to us over appetizers and desserts at Erin Harrison's house from 6:30-9 open house style. We hope to see you all there. Miss you already.
The Brewers of Reno....for now.

Oh yes. Erin said it help to mention this will take place this Sunday the 17th. Text me for her address.

Praise Report: This Just In

A couple weeks ago I dreamed a man from Nampa, Idaho called The Man and said he was offering my husband a job and asked if he could be there in a week. Thursday we got such a call. Doug from Idaho called and asked if The Man was still interested in the job. I tried to be subtle and replied, "um..yes." So, we are packing and purging and really wanting to thank you all for your prayers.
We miss you already.

God you are awesome.

It’s overwhelming

Lord you are loving

You’re more than worthy.

For you are good, you are good

Your mercies endure forever

And we shout

We cry out

Praise to the Lord

*Let them weep

Let them praise

Let the Lord restore their joy (repeat from *)

We will worship you Lord forever.

Summer Road Trip

Las Vegas
Mon 20 Jun - Sat 25 Jun
Today was full of swimming and laughter and children. I feel a little like miss hanigan. Speaking of, remember when my only request on this trip was to go to spring mt. Ranch and the show is sold out for all of June? My heart is sad.

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Day 3 - Starting Off Shaky, But I Think God Is Up To Something

Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Layla grace awoke with a small fever. That poor baby is so sensitive to trips. He gets dehydrated an has headaches an nosebleeds. We kept her home from VBS and stuffed her full of zicam and water. She us way better and we are now getting dressed to go.... Can you guess? Swimming.
Swimming was good times, especially after Jessica showed up at the right pool. Way to be on ball there Jess. Haha just kidding friend.
Also, I found a house to rent with a laundry shoot. Who could ask for anything more?

	Feeling better [Map]		Photo 1 [Map]
	Photo 2 [Map]

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Sent from my iPhone by My Vacation app (www.myvacationapp.com)

Summer Road Trip

Las Vegas
Mon 20 Jun - Sat 25 Jun
Today was full of swimming and laughter and children. I feel a little like miss hanigan. Speaking of, remember when my only request on this trip was to go to spring mt. Ranch and the show is sold out for all of June? My heart is sad.

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Day 2 - Day Two On The Alien Planet

Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The heat is for real as it turns out. Headaches and sleep induced comas are happening. As luck would have it, our old church's VBS is this week so we signed up the little kids- everyone except Izzy, is apparently too mature  it lasts all week and ends with a carnival on friday night! We took a dip in the pool and are now being vegetables at the Russo Inn.

	Addison is learning to swim! [Map]		We love the Russos very much! [Map]
	Layla grace spent the entire pool time practicing [Map]		Bored out of my eyeballs writing a paper on the st [Map]

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Sent from my iPhone by My Vacation app (www.myvacationapp.com)

Summer Road Trip

Las Vegas
Mon 20 Jun - Sat 25 Jun

Stopped at wendy's for fries and frosties. YUMO

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Day 1 - Through The Desert

Monday, June 20, 2011

So sleepy. The Man just left on a two week long work trip. I am praying I have to drive to Panaca, NV to retrieve him early because Nampa calls and asks hi to report to work.

Fingers crossed. Prayers on my lips.

The kids and I have to wrangle up a few last minute things for the trip, and I will be loading up on coffee before we head out on our trip to Vegas. Excited to see friends. Excited to leave when our trip is over. Should I be looking forward to that already?

Our trip was fairly smooth- no real tears, no punishments, no throwing up. Good times all around.

	We are leaving behind a house full of boxes. [Map]		Best buy to get accessories! [Map]
	Boring. Really boring. [Map]		The boys amuse themselves as they wait for the gir [Map]
	I came Soooo close to winning the big money! Sadly [Map]

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Sent from my iPhone by My Vacation app (www.myvacationapp.com)

13 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!
14 Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Snort

If you can speak three languages you're trilingual.  If you can speak two languages you're bilingual.  If you can speak only one language you're an American.  ~Author Unknown

I came across this quote while doing research for my weekly homework assignment. I laughed out loud. Then I felt sad at how true this statement is. It also made me think of a quote The Man likes to throw out there when he speaks Hillbilly (his second language):

This is AMERICA! We speak American!


I laugh every time.

Summer

I am very excited for it to be summer vacation. Today is our first real veg it out day. I worked out and took my van in to the shop and have a silly list of things to accomplish, but everyone else is sprawled willynilly in front of the television. Some people say TV rots the brain. Some people raise their noses and say the TV shouldn't be a babysitter. To those people I say... well, nothing, but I step on the back of their shoes when they aren't looking.

JS. Jayehs. Just Saying.

The only thing going on now is homework. DIE HOMEWORK!! DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!

So Much Is Happening

• I began attending a new bible study. Excited to dive into the Old Testament.
• Addie is graduating from college...no, scratch that, kindergarten. It's easy to get confused with her.
• Sam is turning 5!!
• The man began a summer road construction job. Thank you Man. I know it sort of sucks.
• The end of the school year is here.
• My friend No(dot dot)el is coming home maybe to visit, maybe to stay forever.
• The new season of So You Think You Can Dance has begun. Good times. 
• We took a vacay to California visiting all the Targets between Sacramento and Monterey Bay. 

Now, I am going to bed. YAWN.
P.S. Three more classes and one night and I am done with my master's degree. Oh please oh please hurry. Double yawn.

Yeah, I've Got It

I want you to know that I completely have Bieber Fever. It's a real diagnosis. You know you have it if you:

• Break into a bout of Never Say Nevers randomly
• Have more than three Justin songs on your iPod
• Know at least half the rap by Jaden Smith
• Could see yourself in this shirt
• Watched the Justin B. movie and got teary at any point and/or
• at any point wish you could trade places with a tween just to enjoy his concert one last time.
• Have agreed to TXTL8R just because Justin asked you to

Yes. I've got it bad. I downloaded his entire acoustic album. The end.

Here Fishy Sing Along Songs

Sometimes we take our kids fishing on a whim. It's good family time. Izzy and I typically snuggle on a blanket; I read and she draws. We make fun of each other. Good times. The kids hang out with Michael as he baits and rebaits fishing hooks. You could say he is a master baiter.
Last night when all this took place, my youngest son Sam-I-Am decided he was too antsy to sit still, so when he got a bite on his line, I jumped up to help. Please understand that I do not fish. I don't understand it. It's boring. BUT I like my husband, and I like hanging out with him and my kids whilst I get to veg and read, so I go along.
It was all very dramatic- me fishing. I leaped up! I screamed and grabbed the pole in a dramatic fisher woman way. "WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO?!!" I yelled excitedly. I followed the first advice yelled back at me by Layla Grace," YANK UP THE POLE!" So I did. This, in case you are not a fisher, is incorrect.
I lost the fish. I was a disappointment to the Brewer household. So-much-so that they made a song about me. :/ Here it is:

Sam-O caught a fish
BUT Mamma jerked it off.

Repeat this stanza loudly and constantly until your mom makes you stop to get an idea of what it was like for me.
Next time I may stay home.