Seeing Things

Now I know things look a little different here, but those aren't the things I am seeing. I'm not talking about wallpaper and font or type size and quippy titles. I am talking about numbers. Here is a list of numbers that look just a little differently now that it is February. 

13 that's the age of my oldest son. 

2- he's the second kid out of several. 

11.5- his shoe size

5'8"- his height

1- the number of girls he has a crush on 

1- the number of girls he gave a handmade card and a candy bar to this week because she had a birthday. 

4- his age when he began introducing himself as "a pastor here" at our church. 

19- the age he wants to be when he gets married. 

6- his football number when he was just a tiny little sprout

1- the number of girls he has asked to a school dance. 

0- the number of rejections he has received when inviting a girl to a school dance. 

4- the number of inches he has to grow to be as tall as his dad. 

2- his average intake of cheeseburgers. 

2- the number of times he has shaved. 

8- the number of times he has watched Tommy Boy. 

1 gazillion- the number of times he has quoted Tommy Boy. 

Countless- the number of times he has made my heart leap- good and bad. 

I love you my Elijah Daniel. 

Downton Abbey

You know those shows where everyone keeps telling you, "it's so great; you HAVE to watch it," or, "You are going to love it. Watch it,"? Well. Usually, I don't like it at all. I'm not being a rebel. It's just that usually the how doesn't live up to the hype. I didn't build the hype. I'm not the Great White Hype, which leads me to a favorite quote:

"My father used to say 'laugh and the world laughs with you; cry, and I'll give you something to cry about you little bastard!'"

I wish I was that good of a writer. Anyhow. To the point of this post. Downton Abbey. Mr. Bates. Lady Granthum. Lady Mary. Matthew Crawley. Lady Sybil. I love them all. Someone said "you HAVE to watch this show" so I did. And it worked. I love them. I'm beside myself with the waiting. I haven't a clue when the next show is on and when season four will be available on DVD. But I want to go back and re watch them until it does. 

Why? Because it makes the new British accent in my head justifiable.

 If you've a hankering for a not so simpler time and a great look into the rich life of the early 20th century, check out Downton Abbey. Mention my name and receive nothing whatsoever. Not even a wink or an atta girl or a jolly good show young chap. But you might decide you are suddenly happy you aren't rich and yet still want old lady Granthum as your Gram. She's brilliant. 

It All Changes So Fast

What a whirlwind two weeks. Three weeks ago I felt the tug to put my kids in school. All of them. I prayed and pondered for about a minute before I knew it was right. Of course it was the middle of the night. Just see my last post if you need clarification.  

I got on my phone and Googled my options. Slim, I tell ya. I asked around. I stopped a woman in the grocery store whose child appeared to be wearing uniforms. (I wasn't searching for a uniform promoting school. I am anti-uniforms for what I feel are very good reasons, but that post is still in draft mode. Be patient). Anyway. Her girls go to a magnet school in their neighborhood. Nowhere near me. I called two charter schools. Full. One offered to give us a tour and put us on the waiting list. There are four people on the list and their names are all my children. We missed it by four kids. 

We discussed. Argued some. Prayed. Welled up over the implications of sending my babies to school. Had a couple conversations with some truth speaking, wise parents/besties. 

Then we got a call last Tuesday saying kid number four could start ASAP. I left work and purchased her uniforms. Bah. 

We waited three more days and signed my number two and three up for their local zoned middle school. I cried. Threw an inter-tantrum. And rallied in my mind before handi

ng over their file and registration. 

Now? Now I homeschool kid five and work and drive 17 places a day. Why didn't someone tell me there was so much driving? Why didn't someone say how time consuming it is to send your kids to school. I promise you homeschooling takes less time and coordination, but so much good is coming from the kids in school. 

My favorite so far is my time with Sam. That kid is more than hilarious. I don't even know what word comes after hilarious, but that is Sam. 

As we were driving downtown Addie was reading a casino sign. "We've loosened our slots". Sam laughed hysterically and yelled "DISGUSTING"

Now that's funny stuff. 

Meanwhile. I would like to tip my hat to large families in school. That takes an amazing mamma. I'm working on it. 

I have five kids in four different schools. So I started drinking. HA. Ok. I simply added a cup of joe to my daily grind. 

I am also hoping to add a chiropractor, massages, and the gym. And yes. I am still considering a house keeper. More than ever actually. Try and stop me Napoleon. 

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em

This is true of so many things. People eating chocolate when you woke up thinking diet, for instance. Also, four o'clock. This morning, like at least 3 out of 5 week day mornings, I awoke between 2 and 4. Actually. I might be lying. I popped my right eye open, and then I read my clock. 4:01. That's a stupid time.
It happens SO much now that I've developed a few strategies. When my husband is gone, I catch up on emails, blogs, postings, Instagrams, iPhone games. It's all nonsense, so why WOULDN'T I look into it in the middle of the night? When he is home, I just lie there in what feels like a beside myself manner. I go over my day to come and what's for dinner and who I should call and how I could rearrange my closet. The most bizarre things occur to me during this time.

"I used the last of the milk in the potatoes. No milk for breakfast."
"I told a friend I could watch her baby, but I just remembered I am supposed to take my own child somewhere."
"Shoot. That email I sent was missing the attachment."
"I sneeze. Every time I use the downstairs soap I sneeze for at least five minutes. I am allergic to lavender. Why did I buy lavender soap? Why do I keep using it?"

Helpful, but untimely. I have ranged from teary at the sight of these awful hours on my alarm clock to morose. From just-give-in-to-it to maybe-I-could-be-productive. It really just depends on the morning. This morning, I gave in.

4:01 eyes popped wide open. I chose to lie in bed until 4:36. Not a minute sooner. I came downstairs, chose water over coffee (obviously my mental state is questionable), and opened my computer to iTunes and THE BOOK. I edited a chapter. I stumbled upon some pictures from 2004 and 2006. I laughed out loud once before I realized it was the ungodly time. And then I ate breakfast.

It was one of the most productive days I've ever had. OK!? THERE. I said it. But now it's 8:30 pee em. I can't keep my eyes open. I want coffee. And the only reason I want to stay awake is to watch television. To be specific, New Girl. Which is recording. Because I didn't actually cancel my cable yet. I was too tired.

I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.

Yours,
The Girl With the Shifty Eyes and Drool on One Side

Thoughts at Odds

You know what matters? My memories. 

Do you know what doesn't? Money. 

Don't worry; this won't be one of those money hating posts. I love the stuff. I grab some any chance I get, but there has to be a minute that we stop and consider the pros and cons of the life we are creating for ourselves (not to be confused with what God has for us). 

There are some things at odds in my head. I used to know how each theoretical gift weighed out on my mental scale, but I've found the balance tipping a bit, and I don't understand my own thoughts anymore. What I mean is, I think my mind is changing of its own accord. 

I would rather spend ten minutes snuggling and catching up on my daughter's day than have a break in my day. 

Laughter over money. 

Freedom and light shoulders over one more shopping spree. 

Five minutes listening to Samuel tell a joke rather than catching up on my Instagram. 

And these steps lead to further steps which lead to. You guessed it. More steps. Pretty soon I've stepped so far from that silly wasted life that I can't remember what held me there in the first place. 

I want to be the kind of wife and mother who can truly say she has no regrets. Of course I plan to make mistakes, and I'm not willing to give up arguing with my husband because the making up is just too worth it. But I won't regret them. I want to lean and grow and perceive and change and grasp meaning. I want to replace the wasted time away and pour deeper in to the relationships I have. I'm so abundantly blessed with a loyal, loving, and kind man. My kids? Forgettuh boutit. We are five matches made in heaven. Literally. My parents? Friends? Pastors? All precious gifts. 

This month, when love is in the air and chocolate is hiding in my pocket, I aim to be intentional about people knowing just what they mean to me. And I want to show them in a way that matters to them. I plan to take the time to find out what tht means and then follow up with an action. 

Words, Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, Touch. These five major ways of communicating are my focus this month. 

How can you show you love someone? 

I Can't Squeeze it All In

Not enough minutes, hours, days to accomplish everything. I am behind in life and falling a few steps further each day. Ever feel this way? Yes? Good. Can you tell me how to fix it?

My priorities are out of whack. My routines have all but disappeared. My calm and smooth demeanor has been replaced with frazzle. And since my hair is already frizzy, this combo could be deadly. 

There's a crazy scripture that just about says that if something is causing you to sin cut it off. This isn't figurative language in this passage. It's speaking of ones hand. Literally. Luckily for me my hands are innocent enough. Nope. For me it's the call of television. And I think it's time to cut it off. 

I read another great quote recently that mostly says we always think something is going to be a really big deal until we do it or change it (or cut it off). But once we do it, we are left wondering what the big deal was. Why didn't we do this sooner. 

So, we are going to become those people. We are going on television hiatus. I don't know how long, and we aren't foregoing movies. That would be like ripping the veins out of my right arm. But we are cutting our cable and saving ourselves about $70/month. 

Just typing that makes me cringe. I could be putting $70/month more toward my car payment. That means I could pay my car off three months early. It means I could put that money in my fat ceramic pig and have enough money to take my kids to Disneyland next Christmas if I felt like it. It means I could pay for my going to be driving soon teen's insurance. It means I could give 14 homeless people $5, enough for a meal, every month. It means I could pay for all three of my big kids to go to church camp. 

If I were approached by a dapper stranger with two briefcases, one with money for cable and the other with any of these other options, I would never choose cable. I've been duped for two years. Five years. Dare I say 15 years we have paid for cable? And for what? Shows that keep me from playing card games with my kids. A time killer that keeps me from writing or working or taking a walk in the sunshine. A glowing rectangle that draws us in like moths to an ominous blue buzzing lantern? Yah well. I'm out. 

I'm choosing the other briefcase. 

It's Only 9:49: a ramble

Does it matter that it's only 9:49 and already I have had to deal with a disgruntled parent, a tantrum throwing seven year old, a dog wearing a sweater, a bag of ice melted on my counter, more repeating than I should ever have to do, more repeating than I ever want to do, and more repeating?

Should I call it a day? Should I throw in the towel? Should I call it belly up? Should I look into new cliches?

Sometimes I feel like someone or something has laid eggs in my brain and is trying to control me. But I'm taking a stand. I'm going to choose a happy attitude even if I have to force slow talking v hyper reactions and plaster a fake smile on my face v a snarl.

I might also choose a nap. First I have to educate young minds. It's literature test day. Real literature, real essays, and real thinking. DEEP. I'm not talking Proust or anything, but I want real thoughts.

Speaking of Proust, does anyone ever know if that guy actually FOUND the lost time? I'd like mine back. You know what I mean? The repeating and the repeating. And repeating.

Makes me think of a joke.

Pete and repeat got in a boat. Pete fell out. Who is left?


Don't make me do this.

"Love is a reciprocal torture" ~Marcel Proust

Let's have it.

Love is a reciprocal torture.
Marcel Proust
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/marcel_proust.html#wOcHtvDWKq1g1Tur.99

Love is a reciprocal torture.
Marcel Proust
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/marcel_proust.html#wOcHtvDWKq1g1Tur.99

Love is a reciprocal torture.
Marcel Proust
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/marcel_proust.html#wOcHtvDWKq1g1Tur.99

I'm Finding

When your kids start to grow up, I mean really grow up, and they leave and discover and experience new things, people always say things like, "It's going to be great! You need to let go," or "She's going to be moving away soon anyway; this is good practice. She needs to fly."



 #flashbackfriday

In addition to deciding people tend to repeat phrases they have heard others say (no matter how meaningless and unhelpful they are), I also realized loosening my grip isn't the same as letting go.

Letting go means I suddenly button my lips when they ask for advice or even when they don't, and they sorely need some input.  It means they go from fully depending on me to getting nothing from me in return.

Letting go means I have decided my job as parent is finished.

There's no finish.

I know this part to be true because of the many times I call my own mother for advice and vent sessions, and because I know she will redirect me back to truth and away from what my fickle emotions are trying to convince me.

I have also decided parents tend to be extremists. Because on the opposite side of letting go is enabling. Did you know there are naughty 8 letter words? Well, this one comes across as a swear in parenting circles. Letting go means I swoop in and make up for what they have done. I apologize, I talk to bosses, I argue with teachers even when they are right, I clean my kids' rooms because they keep "forgetting", or I take out loans I can't afford because of their debt. 

So, I've come to the conclusion that I won't do it. I won't let go; I will loosen my grip a little at a time until they can stand on their own. Or fly or whatever else cliche there is. Loosening my grip means I allow my kids to reap the benefits as well as the consequences of their choices. Loosening means their boundaries are bigger, but there are still boundaries. Loosening means there will be options I don't agree with, but rather than taking away that option, I will stand by my kid when they unwisely choose it. Then I will work with them through the consequences, so they choose differently next time. Loosening means that, when they argue with their spouse and come home at midnight, I hug them and send them home. Loosening means something different than letting go.

I have three (mostly) teens. One is almost 12, another almost 13, and the big one is almost 16. I sense my time is limited with them, so I intend to be purposeful. And, my little ones, seven and nine, I have already begun loosening with them. I have no idea what I am doing with any them from day to day, but so far they are likeable creatures, so I am going to keep chugging in this direction. After all, 18 Christmases. That's it. From start to finish that's all I get.

#flashbackfriday

Which One Are You?

I often feel as if there are only two types of people in this world: this time it has nothing to do with Neil Diamond. 

This time I am referring to those with whom absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the other sort: out of sight, out of mind. 

Maybe you're one of these people who doesn't know which category you fall in, but I'm certain you are one or the other. And Id wager you're the latter. Like me. 

It's hard for me to try to have a relationship with someone I don't relate to. If you aren't even in the same country it's going to be a beastly time finding common ground. 

My now hubby/then boyfriend (let's call him Mike) and I got to talking in our dating years. I confessed that I am against three qualities in a man. My betrothed may never be a musician, a cop, or travel for business. I had my reasons, and I stand by them today. 

Musicians make fun flings. In my experiences (and I've had nearly four decades of experiencing musicians) musicians struggle with the reality of what waits for them at home when they are famous or fake famous or not famous at all. I can make my own music. I'm sure there are plenty of healthy musician/groupy wife combos, but I'm just not interested. Get your harmonica and get outta here.

Police have the number one divorce rate and many suffer from anger issues. Move your funny baton down the road. I like your boots, man, but no thanks. 

And world travelers? This goes back to musician mentality with an added dose of  if I got married it means I want to be near you. 

I used to think I was pretty harsh in my rules, but I realized I am a quality time girl. I need your bod near mine if this relationship is going to work. So, if you wanna show the love, visit. 

Of course I can be reasonable. My Izzy (15) is in El Salvador for ten days. I can remember her for ten days. But I miss her. And I'm bored without her. And I may or may not sit next to her bed while she sleeps off mission trip exhaustion. She will never know. It's fine! It will only get creepy when she wakes and I talk with her in my scroachy voice* and call her mrs. Taurance while using my finger as a spokesperson.**

I will be honest and say I am a smidgeon concerned about their college years. I mean. These are my kids. I love even their rough spots because they are my babies. What if they go away and they slip my mind because they aren't close by? I've been working on a solution. We are buying a sweet RV. the big ones. The mansion types. When we retire, we will drive it from kid to kid, wherever they end up, and visit for a month at a time. Then in the winter, The Man and I will hole up in Costa Rica. 

They'll visit. I'm sure they'll visit. 

In the meantime, I'm going to work at being purposeful with anyone who isn't automatically in my every day. Because I still love all of you. I just forget to show it. 

My girl comes home this weekend. We will watch an episode of Gilmore Girls and laugh before the funny things happen and quote it and she will say again that it's weird to her that I may be a real life Lorelai because "she tries to be funny even when it's a really serious situation. She's awkward". And I'm going to choose to take it as a compliment because funny is my safety mechanism. Ahh. Life as it should be. 

*dear Addie. Thank you again for this new word. Scroachy. 

**all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. 

As We Approach This Close

With 2013 eeking to a finish, and 2014 peeking its Killroy eyes up over the fence, here is what I'm finding:

I enjoy puzzles. They have an attractiveness about them that lures unexpected conversation from whoever is sitting with you. I am a quality time girl. To me, this year's 1,000 pieces meant giggles with my girls, rubbing hands with my honey, playing footsies with Sam under the table, catching up with my brothers, getting to know my teens. Who knew all that came in a cardboard box?

I don't want presents like I used to. This year I got a scrapbook kit. I spent the better part of the last two days scrapping every picture that dared to be loose in my house. Sixty-five pages in about eight hours. My fingers, back, and buns are killing me. I won't sit properly for the new year, but this present is going to fill me up even more when I watch my family thumb through those pages. They'll laugh, chortle, giggle, and even guffaw. My husband will well-up because he is a great father and hates that moment when he realizes he didn't see our babies changing. They won't even realize they are giving me the second (and best) part of this gift. Just some paper and ink? Maybe. 

Our family rocks at tradition. We have celebrated Thanksgiving with a talent show every year for the last five years. They make us laugh. Cry. Keel over in side splitting I-can't-laugh-any-harders. But mostly they make us realize we have some amazing gifts in our clan. Musicians, dancers, singers, artists, comedians, politicians, feaux gangsters… the list is endless. And this is our second year foregoing presents for presence at Christmas and New Years. We used to get away, my family and my brothers' families. Now we knock a few things off our bucket list. Last year we drank yellow snow (aka made pineapple snow cones using real snow), tried an Olympic sport (ice skating at North Star), trekked through the wilderness looking for The Polar Express (snow shoeing and hot chocolate), and even found a lost city! (Swimming at the Atlantis hotel). Three days of serious fun. 19 people from 6-60. Just the best. This year we are doing it again. We saved our present buying money and we are headed over the river and through the woods to someplace warm. No, not Aspen. SACRAMENTO. We are going to surf (indoors of course), eat, safari for some wild animals, eat, scale the highest roller coaster heights, eat, swim, eat, and eat. My love bucket is going to be overflowing after this week. There ain't nothin better than family time. 

I'm also finding that I hate it when my husband is gone, and I love it when my husband is gone. Let me explain. I miss him every minute when he is away. I sleep awfully, I have sole driving responsibilities with the children, I am responsible for everything, and there isn't anyone with a mustache to smooch me to sleep. On the brighter side, since he HAS to be gone, I enjoy the down time. I'm a pretty busy girl. I need down time. He has way more energy than me. He doesn't love it like I do. So I save my down time, and crafting, and chick flicks, and meatless meals for his work days. We are both happier about it. 

Finally, and speaking of down time, I'm finding I enjoy the timing of the midweek Christmas. At first I was bummed because it was throwing off my schedule, but my early week was full of cleaning and crazy and wrapping and planning. Then it was Christmas Eve. Christmas. But then. Then. It was just Thursday. With nothing on the agenda. Just Thursday. And do you know what followed that? FRIDAY. Nary a pant to be worn in this house. No thank you. We sat. And laughed. And puzzled (see above). And watched. And scrapped. And colored. And ate. And drew. And that was all. Thank you Wednesday Christmas. We owe this one to you. 

Words Can Be Sticky

Ever come across a quote and know it's going to change something about you? Maybe change everything about you?



Ever read something and wish you hadn't because once you read it, it's part of you now? You can't unhear words. Sometimes you can choose to phase it out or focus so hard on something else you aren't as affected by it, but sort of you still are. The second you start to wonder, "Am I strong enough to hear this again without freaking out?" You can't possibly know until you repeat the words or you listen to them again. But then it's too late. It's a terrible cycle. Unless of course God keeps bringing this word around and around to get it through your my thick head.

Today (and last May) I read a quote by A.W. Tozer. He says, "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about is."

He wrote those words in 1978. I was two, but I am pretty sure he wrote them so that one day I would hear them, and they would stick. These words have implications. These words get a little heavier when they are in the same chapter as this quote:

"To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch him come through. He starts to get real when you live like that."

Because we don't know God simply because we grew up learning about him or because we go to church. We don't know him because we were baptized or refrain from cussing. Really knowing God doesn't happen because we volunteer to bring food to needing people or help with the annual food drive.

Willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God...

watch..

He's real and he wants to show us in the small things and the big picture, but it's going to take a moment of risk on our part. Then the most important thing about us will in fact be what comes to our minds when we think about God and it will be words like

good
trustworthy
hope
true
consistent
always
safe
peaceful
big
bigger
biggest

Know what I mean?

Just A Little Pick Me Up

So. This picture is funnier if you know me. While there IS a chance I woke up this morning and decided to fill my mug with vodka, there is also the chance that I haven't had a drink in nearly 15 years. One day I prayed about alcohol. God said it's not for me. I'm the designated driver, the videographer when your night's gone awry, the one who whispers "take it easy" so they'll let you back in this establishment. Oh. No. It's ok that we started the night as strangers. I'm a community helper and a lifetime mocker. It's what I do. I make mock. So, by all means. You do what you gotta do. But let me get my camera first. 

I have a dream that one day I'll post a video that will go viral. You might just be the key to that dream come true. 

Before we get too far, I made this mug with a sharpie, a mug, and my oven. I washed it once and it's nearly all disappeared. I have a dream that I won't be mocked by Pinterest and their crafts. 

I have a dream that I will stop answering the phone in my half-asleep. It's as if I don't know I can let the machine get it. Er. You know what I mean. One time, yesterday, I picked up the phone at 8:30 in the morning. It was a complaint. It was painful and irritating to sit through, and I'll be honest, it took me too long to stop attempting reason between her barrage of eff words. I should have refilled my mug and sat that one out. Instead I tried to help. Idiot. Another time I answered the phone at what can only be described as where Jesus' praying hour and satan's play date meet. 6am. It was my sister. I was pregnant and on bed rest so she deserved what came next. I answered the phone and spoke "you have reached Mike and Shontell. We can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep." Then I pushed the number seven for a while. 

I have a dream that airline tickets and house prices will drop considerably for the 15 minutes I mean to purchase both. Is it too much to ask? One house, 6 bedrooms, a basement, an acre or eleven, and two dishwashers. Plane ride to Missouri. Juneish. Because someone is marrying her lobster. Click. 

And finally, I have a dream that Christmas will be about something that matters. I don't even care what that means for each person. Christ, family, forgiveness, reunion, laughter? As long as it isn't about Walmart and their commercial campaign this year. Kids screaming and jumping up and down because they can finally feel happy now that they have this toy! I cringe when I see this commercial. I want to hug those kids and punch their kittens and say something profound to all of Walmart. I feel like this last one will have to remain a dream, except for in myself. I have a dream that I will be Michael Jackson and start with the man in the mirror. 

Wanna stand next to me? What's your dream? Everyone who comes to Hollywood has a dream…

Just Don't Look Too Closely

To look at me you might choose from a few phrases to describe me:

Wow, killer boots, man!
Your hair is so (fill in the blank-large, puffy, rad, engulfing)
You're nuts. That's a lot of kids!
You're awesome; look at you go... (maybe no one says this last one)

But sometimes I feel like I am on the spot because of the sheer size of my family. I warn you though. Just don't look too closely.

My smile is often sarcastic. My hair is from the day before...or the day before that. My dinner is left over. My pants have been worn at least twice. My socks don't always match each other. My children have their jammies on under their clothes for faster transitions. And, while I am actually looking busy, this face only means I forgot why I walked into this room in the first place.

This day has been one of those where I fight the devil and use my old lady swears (inside my mind) because he is coming at me at forty different angles. I didn't even realize I had that many angles approaching me. Let's not discuss it.

I woke up late.
I spilled tortilla chip crumbs all over my car floor.
I tried to start my car. It didn't work. Twice. My hunky fire fighter husband saved the day. As usual. He's kind of a big deal around this city.
I lost my keys. I mean I lost my keys, and then I lost my replacement keys. That's cool.
I found set number two. Still waiting to hear from set number one. Ring a Ling Mr. Keychain!
I forgot I had to work until five. I thought I was leaving at 4. Just kidding apparently.
I got home to finish school with the kids. Our school website is down. Ok maybe this one is a blessing in disguise. We are snuggled up to a Christmas movie now instead.

I'm fighting back with my glass half full. This is where my kids would say "up your butt with a rubber nut". We are making the most of this crazy day.

Dear 2013, You've Been Good to Me

My husband and I accidentally started a fun tradition some years ago close to New Year's Day. We were laying in bed trying to get in as much conversation before we fell asleep. You know how that happens? When the kids are around you get in three words of a sentence, and don't even realize you haven't passed on the important parts until someone doesn't show up to pick up the kids. No? Just us? Oh good.

Well, we were trying to catch up on everything. Funny stuff Sam said, what expenses we have upcoming, funny stuff Layla Grace said even though she wasn't trying to be funny. And, then he said, "Can you believe all the things that are going to happen this new year?" So, we started naming them. We took turns. Back and forth. Nearing sleep a little more with every bit of anticipation. We laughed. Got near tears. And overall, we realized how amazing our story is.

This year I decided it is a good idea to take a look back as well.

In 2013:

I took a leap of faith and quit my full time job.
Took a job that allowed me to set my schedule, which means my family gets me first.
We switched churches back to our friends to see what God has for us.
My kids turned 16, 15, 12, 11, 9, and 7.
We became parents again by temporarily adopting a Chinese teenager for the school year.
My kids attempted some new sports (ballet, track, volleyball, basketball, snowboarding)
So, I drove a lot.
We tried snow shoeing (most of us loved it).
I was published as an internet writer.
My husband turned 37.
I turned...a year older.
I made my little house a little happier by painting some of her bare walls.
We all got a little better on the guitar.
Some even got better on the piano.
Izzy switched into a very challenging school experience and got her IB wings. She's working it out.
I became a professor, and then quit to keep my husband feeling loved.
The adults in this house got some new tattoos.
My nephew graduated and left for college, which I realize hasn't obviously to do with my immediate family, except that when his school was hosting Fall Preview a month ago, MY oldest asked to attend, and then decided God may be asking her to attend there as well. DID YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE? I took my DAUGHTER to tour a college! It's too soon. My heart. doh.
We went back to the life of homeschooling. Ah. Breathing room.

Mini-Van Confessions

It's the weekend for a few more minutes. For me, my sabbath begins on Friday and ends on Saturday. I work on Sundays, but I am determined to have a day the Pharisees would have been proud of. No work. Now how. Not me.

I'm about to confess make up something. There is a very real and slight and not at all likely chance that I took two naps yesterday.

FINE! What do I have to say for myself? Nothing. Except that I also went to bed at ten. Are we far enough into our relationships for confessions? Good because here comes another one. I took two naps and went to bed at ten after drinking two cups of coffee and a cherry coke.

(Is the cricket chirping bothering anyone else?) Please don't look at me like that. I have road rage and caffeine addictions, and I have retirement goals to swear like a sailor. Whew. I feel better.

OK. One more confession. Because it's almost Sunday and there is an entire group of Protestants  who feel like confessing to others makes the world a happier place.






I stopped at the movie theater on my way to the grocery store.
I did it. No one was the wiser.
I volunteered as tribute, and I loved it.
Hey, I do feel better. Looky there.

I'm Rebelling

But what's new? Seriously. I feel like most of my life I have bucked some invisible system. I hate statistics, and, since I was a kid, I've worked to never be one. 

I know. That's impossible. Everyone falls into some statistical category. I guess I mean the lame ones: 

Teen drinker

Pregnant out of wedlock

College drop out

Gang member

Sound off the wall? Not when you go to inner-city Las Vegas High School. It was like they brainwashed us in the other direction. They metephorically chanted against these thing as we walked our school halls. Their method worked for most of these, but I dropped out of college three months in. I was given a fair hand, but I chose not to give it a fair shake. And I think I regret it so much because it made me a statistic. 

Now I think there has to be a different way to reach kids. Tossing academics and high standards out the window. Holding kids accountable. Expecting anything from a teenager except drinking, partying, dropping out? That's it sometimes. Parents, educators, adults, principals. Sometimes these negatives are all they see, so if a teen isn't falling into one or more of these sad categories we are all winning, right?

But God said he came to give life to its FULLEST. He wasn't talking to the 30 and older crowd. He meant eight-year-olds and 12 year olds and 17 year olds. 

I read a book called Do Hard Things. Written by twin brothers, 19 years old. Everyone who works with kids, has a kid, is a kid should read it. I got it on audio and finished it in under four hours. It's an easy read, but challenging. 

These boys are ordinary. They are teenagers. But they love God, they seek his wisdom and direction, and then they do things no matter how difficult they seem. They decided they are sick of the older generation expecting nothing but statistics and video games from today's teenagers. They are raising the bar and asking kids to jump. Because of this attitude, they are reaching out and affecting millions. And not just anyone. They are affecting teens. 

Do you follow a teen on Instagram or friend one on Facebook? Do you ever notice how, even if they have only been on there for a week, they have something like 900 followers? I've been on Instagram for years and I can't seem to break 100 followers. It's because teenagers have this attractive quality about themselves. When even one of them stands up and steps out, EVERYone listens. 

I have four (who act like) teenagers living in my house. Under my own roof. As their mother, I want them not just to stand up and step out. I don't want them to be haphazard. I want them to affect their "900 followers this week" for Jesus. But that means I have to do my job as a mother, and my husband has to do his job as a father. 

My kids affect people. Every minute. Nearby and far away. I want them to do it right. I'm starting by having them listen to this book. We are going to read it together. I'm continuing open conversation about anything and everything. I'm setting an example with my life. Mostly a good one. I'm asking hard things of them. I'm giving them opportunities to reach out and be aware of those who hurt. I'm expecting much of them. I've raised the bar and I'm watching as they leap over. I'm praying for them. I'm connecting them in relationships to solid people in our life. The rest is on God's hands. 

Recently, I've added another small chapter to my role with teens. God has brought some girls around who come from tough upbringings. Either they grew up with no family or slightly off based families. Some have just moved out and still need a mamma hug every once in a while. They are teens and college age, and I love spending time with them. We cook dinner together whenever they can make it on a Sunday afternoon. I love connecting with them. 

I watch as they interact with each other and practice being adults. I watch as they interact with my kids and revert to being kids themselves. I watch the light bulb come on as they realize family can mean something different. I am so blessed. I am so grateful that God is allowing me to be in their lives. It takes time and energy and sometimes I find myself wanting to take a Sunday nap, but that's exactly what these boys meant when they said "do hard things". It's choosing. Even when you know a route is going to be difficult. 

And just maybe I will leave my own kids worthy footsteps to follow. 

Lazy Mornings

This morning, to celebrate my eldest child's delayed start at school, we all stayed home to sleep in. It was totally out of my hands. I tried to be responsible and leave at my normal time, but the universe was against it. THE WHOLE UNIVERSE. So we are spending the morning getting ahead, or catching up in this case, in our sweats.

Here is what is happening:

Me: taking a minute to blog to you because I've been cold-hearted and aloof. I checked my Instagram, played a nonsensical word game, hid my head under my covers, read two devotions today, and found my Christmas present on Amazon all before getting out of bed. Oh the wonders of smart phones. But, seriously, iOS7, you blow.

Izzy: up early because thats just what she does. She likes to roam the bottom floor of the house alone as much as possible. I think it's a product of being the oldest of so many people. "I just need some alone time, Pappa." Now she is headed back up to bed.

The Others: parked in front of computer screens, attempting to get school work done. None of their clothes match in the slightest. Sam is wearing what he likes to call his "smart underwear", and I believe him because he is actually giving some great answers.

This conversation happened:
Layla Grace: When I get my first car, I want a personalized license plate that says, "STANFORD"
Sam: When I get my first car, I want a personalize license plate that says, "HEY HERBIE. I LOVE BANANAS"
Then. There was quiet. It's tricky to know where to go from there.

It's Been Just Too Long

I don't like being away from you for so long, but when I show you what I am about to show you, you may understand.

I have been hanging out with these children. And I love them. And their faces fill my little heart up to overflowing until I can't think straight. So every time I think "it's time to write a new blog post" the sentences get jumbled and my tongue swells up and my words come out like "readers. Eating. All this time. One day I. LOOK AT THIS BABY". 

This should clear things up a bit. 

The fact is, I have been around for each if these babies, and while I can't prove anything, I am pretty sure they brainwashed me. I can't quit them. 

 

Anti-Procrastination Day?

Do you ever find your mind and body are at odds? I think about Paul and his Bible times “Who’s On First” routine. In Romans 7:15 (ESV) he says, “I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” You got that? Yah, me either. I’m a procrastinator. The problem I run into is only my body likes to procrastinate, not my mind. This picture is motivational to me, but not in the way you are thinking. 

I heart laziness. I have a t-shirt that supports this as well:

But it's not as glamorous as it seems. When I procrastinate, my body lays prone while my brain runs a mental marathon. Some nights, when I have so much pending, or so much I am supposed to have done, I lay awake making a plan. But most of the time, that’s all it stays; a plan.

Sometimes I wake up and finally put some plans into action only to find I am trumped by God’s will. Which I want to say is fine by me, but really I furrow my brows, mull it over, complain, talk to other people, and THEN give in to his plan. Sometimes.

This morning hasn’t gone according to plan. I’m fine with that today. By this time, I figured I would be in my friend’s chair having my greys washed out like the defiant 30 something I am. Instead, she is finishing at the chiropractor, and I find myself bumping into a different friend, on purpose, at Starbucks. She’s way pregnant and way without enough to do. She was happy to meet me. It’s not a devastating turn of events for either of us. I am handwriting the first draft of this because I wasn’t a back up planner. Rather than anticipate change, I rolled out of bed and into my kerchief and sweats. But that’s ok, too. As I sit here, constantly second guessing my spelling, I am reminded that sometimes basics are better than grand advancements.  (She says as she looks up words on her dictionary.com app).

Basic is not a synonym for simple; I am learning as I go. Eating well and good for me foods is basic but not often simple. Using a pen and notebook is basic but proving to be more and more difficult. (Is advancements spelled correctly? Why does my hand feel crampy already? Is crampy a word? Why does my pen seem to only work in the margins? GAH) And while I am not a fundamentalist with a capital F, I would say spending time with God each day is a basic but not always easy.

It’s not that I don’t want more of God in my life, it’s really that I wake up with 50 directions as possible routes, and I forget I don’t really want any of them. They don’t have the life I am looking for. The capital L Life.

I need to choose. The end. I need to choose. And maybe take preventative measures.

Interesting fact(ish)s:

1.     I am less inclined to veg out on my phone and nonsensical social media and check my emails ten times if my phone isn’t in my room.

2.     I am more likely to read my bible if it’s next to me in the morning.

3.     Then again, I am more likely to stay awake and read my bible more thoroughly if I leave it on my coffee table.

4.     Even more so, I am more likely to want to come downstairs and read my bible and read it more thoroughly if I have coffee ready at the push of a button. That means I have to prep my coffee pot the night before.

5.     And most importantly, I am more likely to do all of this if I pray and ask God to work in me and mean it.

Matthew 7:7 (NIV) tells us to ask. ASK. "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Ask and keep on asking. I love that. It means that God doesn’t grow weary of our constant questions, our questioning, our doubt, our confusion, or our procrastination.

I suppose it’s important to point out that this is not written as a suggestion. It’s a command. Ask. There is no “maybe you could” or “this could work.” In fact “could” or “would” or “should” have nothing to do with this scripture. God says ASK, and then he names actions we can take that put us in the right spot to receive what he has to offer.

So, here is to anti-procrastination day! Ask and get moving. I’m going to get my coffee.

UPDATE: This is the baby that used to be an inny. He is an outie now. He's amazing. He is Maximus The Lear. I can't get his picture to upload. I'm quitting.

This Monday might be full of procrastination after all. But while we wait to see the final outcome, join me in linking up with A Mama's Story. She's giving away good stuff. She has good stuff to say.

Language Arts in Motion: skip the dittos

Today, Samuel(7) has to prove his phonics abilities through an alternative language arts lesson. Sure, he could show me by drawing a line from the letter to a picture. Sure, he could say sing song phrases such as "a uh about" or he could try this energy using, brain jogging, kinesthetic method which lends itself nicely with his need to move and visualize his learning. 

First, he has to line up his alphabet cards in correct order. Then. He hunts. He has to find a household object that begins with each letter of the alphabet and match it to the letter card. When I feel like he has this mastered, we will focus just on the ending sounds or the vowel sounds. 

An older variation? Try finding a set of rhyming words that begin with your select letters of the week.