This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

The Things You Learn

Through all of this lay off crapola (yes, it is a word. Look it up. If it isn't there, get a new dictionary.) I have realized a few things about myself:

I do not like to exercise or keep to my schedule (hence my load of laundry, my list of books read, and my once again chubby belly. BAH)

Also, I am an emotional eater (hence, my chubby belly and the ever growing pile o junk food)

Finally, I use hence more often. hence.

To stick to my plan of yelling (in my mind) SUCK IT SATAN as often as possible, I am going to continue training for this half-marathon. Today, I am attempting five miles. This is ambitious in a way I cannot clearly convey because A) I run like Phoebe (please see above) 2) I haven't done more than a mile at a time in the last month and D) Running is boring. GAH!

UPDATE: I ran a mile and my treadmill broke. Great. Awesome. Stupid.

Friday, March 11, 2011

BAH


I do not sleep well when my husband is out of town. My mind goes a gazillion miles per hour and no longer coincide with my body schedule the second The Man leaves the city. Yesterday, he and some other boys drove to Nampa, Idaho to test for their fire department. I made my kids tuck me in for a change of pace and read Water for Elephants until my eyes were bleary. About three hours into the middle of the night, I awoke and couldn't go back to sleep. I turned my side table lamp on and finished reading. That's making lemonade out of lemons. It was truly happiness. In addition to finishing my book in about two days, I came up with this list of nonsense beating down my proverbial door:

  • Make a list; keeping this stuff in my mind is making me crazy
  • Pick up nonsensical degree verification form from University of Phoenix
  • See if Whole Foods accepts food stamps, cause I really like their pop tarts and salmon
  • Get boxes
  • Pack master bedroom closet- after heavily junking most of it
  • Plan songs for bible study worship time
  • Practice song for Sunday, communion
  • Get fingerprints fingerprinted AGAIN and mailed out
  • Compile application bits and mail out for WA teacher certification
  • Fill out applications for teaching next year in about ten different school districts
  • Return the pile of books I seem to have accumulated from Pastor Lou
  • Find a new book to read, 'cause this one is almost finished
  • Update calendar
  • Shower (yes. I put it on my list)
  • Switch the laundry before it goes rank
  • Send No(dot dot)el my itinerary for our trip to visit her
  • Send a reminder text to weekend babysitter
  • See if anyone wants to be entertained by one of my kids for the weekend
  • Send encouraging texts to The Man
  • Send out a newsletter for Hands of Hope Missions
  • Make a few phone calls for student sponsors for HOHM
  • Sleep, I think my sleeper is broken
  • Fix alarm clock, it's still blinking from our power outage
  • Plan menu for the week
  • Work on homework
  • Grade papers
  • Update online grading system for my students
  • Trade lives with someone with a smaller list

Dear Brian

Jayehs. Now I am on top.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Neighbors


Sometimes you hear horror stories about neighbors. We certainly have our fair share of weirdos on our street, the least of which is one neighbor with an uncanny resemblance to Kirk from Gilmore Girls. But, this week, I was reminded why neighbors can be awesome. The following conversation took place between me and the 9 year-old-oh-so-innocent boy next door. I love him, and I will cry if we have to move away from him.

Me: Hey, Dillan, come on in. Eli is almost done with his school work. You can go upstairs to his room and play, or you can work on any homework you have here at the table.
Dillan: I finished my homework last night. I think I will head up to Eli's room and practice my recorder.
(SIDE NOTE: yes, Dillan uses phrases like "head up to.")
Me: OK
Three minutes pass and Dillan is again downstairs.
Dillan: Uh, Ms. Shontell? I can't practice my recorder because my A hole is clogged.
Me: (splutter, choke, gagging back laughter)
Izzy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAH choke. die.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Nuhm-bers


2 The number of m's on Taco Bell's "Coming Soon" sign. Sigh. It's as if they hate me.

3 The number of Gilmore Girls episodes I watched in bed yesterday

1 the number of papers I wrote this week (all in all not many)

2 the number of newsletters I am supposed to write and publish this week

10 the number of random things that keep bouncing through my brain at 6:30 am because I keep forgetting to do them

2 the number of needles my sewing machine ate as if to say "in your face loser."

10 the number of cold piggies attached to the end of my feet

61 the number of degrees my city will be tomorrow :) I am excited.

10 the number of days until my man and I fly out to Seattle

5 the number of kids we will be leaving behind for said trip

11 the approximate number of minutes The Man has been on hold with Southwest Airlines to change his return flight

5 the number of kisses I received (along with hugs)after having a much needed mommy break

2 the number of days a week I am tutoring a middle schooler

62 the number of times Erin Harrison and I had to lift boxes of IKEA furniture to get them delivered securely to Ellen Egan's condo. Please keep in mind there were only four boxes. There were also 2 elevators and about a gazillion floors between her car and her front door. Also a ramp, or as I like to call it, my nemesis.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Sam


Scene: the dinner table mid-dinner somewhere between threat and punishment number 11 all geared toward Samuel (4 years old).

Me: Sam! Sit UP, son. Have manners or leave my table.
Sam: (in a super sweet voice, just quiet enough to blend in with the other three conversations happening at my table) you are stupid.
Me: (eyes narrow, teeth clench, spanking hand revs up!)WHAT did you just say to me?
Sam: (in an even sweeter OH-how-I-love-you-voice)You are pretty. (followed by the smile of innocent)
Me: I do NOT think you just said that. I THINK you said a bad word, and if you do NOT stop talking like that you WILL find a bar of soap in your mouth.
Sam: (suddenly sober and straight faced) OK. sorry.
My husband: (crawls into his shirt so he can laugh hysterically for the entire conversation.)
Me: (heavy sighs directed at both of them.)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Don't Ask if You Don't Want to Know

I often tell my children not to ask questions if they don't want to know the answers. Do I look cute? Well, I would change....
Do these jeans make my butt look fat? A little.
Do you think I am rude? Sometimes.
DON'T ASK if you don't want to know. This is a motto that could never be said enough. So, when the douche bags at Bank of America asked me what I thought of my last customer service experience, I told them:

Over a decade ago, Bank of America "shined" when money was taken out of my account by mistake (YOUR mistake, not mine) and my checks bounced. That happens. Computers get crazy. What is not OK is how little your bank was willing to do to help. I worked hard to let everyone I know how little I care for your style of banking.

Now, against our wishes, you acquired our loan when our original lender went out of business. My husband and I are full-time students. We have five small children, and I work part-time as a teacher. My husband has served as a firefighter and a city worker for the previous seven years. We do not pay bills late. We teach our children that integrity and character are a person's greatest assets. Our reward for choosing to live this way is your customer service. Super. My husband was laid off from the fire department. I called to see if there was any help you had to offer, and instead you made me speak to the most unhelpful person birthed in all of America. I asked to speak to a supervisor or manager and was told there was nothing she could do. (Just so we are clear, that is why I asked to speak to a supervisor or manager.)

My favorite moment may have been when I explained our situation, and she repeatedly told me the only help she could offer me was 31% off of my bill. WOW!? I thought, really? Oh, wait, she followed that up EVERY time with, but you do not qualify for that. Hmmmm. Maybe I am not understanding. So, I repeated what she said to me, and she replied something along the lines of yes, that is what I can offer you, only you don't qualify. I asked how I would have qualified, and she said if only we had taken our loan out in January rather than April. I don't actually know what this means. Does the month of my application alter the level of need?

I don't mean to brag, but I am fairly educated, but I was not able to make sense of what she was offering me. She had no answers; how am I supposed to have answers? I am not a trained Bank of America employee, but clearly if she is the standard by which I have to appear successful, maybe I could be, even without training. Her final word on the matter was her willingness to help us make a payment plan for all of our late payments. Well, thanks, but remember when we don't have any? So you can pat yourselves on the back that you have yet again been unhelpful. You have AGAIN proven that you are the sort of company that cares more about the money and working the system in your favor than your customers. And, my parting words will be thank you for being consistent. I wish I could think of something more, but I was also raised to say nothing if the only thing you can think of is rotten.

The end.

Damn You Auto Correct

So, I firmly believe God saves really funny finds for the low times. I cannot say how many times I am laughing so hard I am crying as I read through this blog. It's a place for people to post funny accidental auto-corrects that happen on their iPhones. OH so inappropriate. This one may be my new favorite.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Frugal MaGoo

That's my code name.

My friend Jessica Locke introduced me to the world of couponing on a whole new level. She invited me over for a one on one tutorial of how to work the neighborhood Walgreens for the best deals. There is some planning involved, but these crazy ladies make it a lot easier. Check out these websites for some smokin' deals:

Totally Target
Wild for Wags
Discount Queens
Frugal Coupon Living

These are my favorite. There are some repeat deals, but worth looking into. Now that The Man is nearing the receipt of his final paycheck, I am trying to do whatever I can to lessen our bills. Turns out, we paid as little as possible for several perks in our house. Since we are in contracts with several of them, I am trying to find other ways to cut corners. I am working on paying little or no money for toiletries, cleaning supplies, and medicine. I have done two shopping trips to Walgreens, and here is the damage I have done:

  • 2-packs Jello (what!? Can we have NO luxuries?!)
  • 1-9pack roll of toilet paper-Quilted Northern, the good stuff
  • 2- jars Jiff peanut butter
  • 1-pack floss
  • 2- Tilex bathroom cleaners
  • 1- 27 pack of Goody Ouchless Black rubberbands
  • 1-6oz tube of Colgate Total toothpaste
  • 2- 3-in-1 Purex laundry detergent-softener-dryer sheet (40 loads worth)
  • 1- 60 count pack of bobby pins
  • 1-18pk feminine hygiene products
  • 1-pack "special lotion" (WHAT!? CAN we have NO luxuries?!)
  • 1- Dove deodorant
  • 1-package of old school emery boards
  • 4- boxes of Kleenex
TOTAL= $43.88

Savings= $38.23

The only things on here that are purchases I would not normally have done were the Jello, which after two coupons, cost me $1 altogether and the Purex laundry detergent, which I got totally free. This is where my friend Amanda Volpa would say, "Bazinga."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Keep the Sabbath

Keeping the Sabbath is vital to my well-being. It's vital to yours as well or the Bible wouldn't tell you to be a part of it. Actually, it says to remember it. So, each Sunday, I relax, rest, remember, reflect, and usually I read. Today I am sort of doing all of those. Yesterday, my shuggah-mamma, Erin H. agreed to peruse the book store with me. Then, she bought me books and a desk-top Office quote of the day calendar. One of the books is by a favorite author, Rob Bell. This one is called Drops Like Stars. I started it when I got home today, and I finished it about an hour later just before I dozed for a nap. Also very sabbathy. Here is the best quote from the book (He is talking about pain and agony in everyday life and how that correlates with Jesus' sacrifice):

It's there, in the agony of those moments, that we get the first glimpses of just what it looks like for God to take all of our trauma and hurt and disappointment, all those fragments lying there on the ground, and turn them into something else, something new, something we never would have been able to create on our own.

It's in that place that we're reminded that true life comes when we're willing to admit that we've reached the end of ourselves, we've given up, we've let go, we're willing to die to all of our desires to figure it out and be in control. WE LOSE OUR LIFE, ONLY TO FIND IT.


The end.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Psalm 127

For anyone who doubts that reading your Bible is not worth the time, I have to disagree. Now, I know what you are thinking, "Of course reading the Bible is worth my time." But tomorrow morning you follow that up with, "UGH, I just don't have time to read my Bible." Sort of two different sentences, but sort of not.

We all have the same amount of time, really. It's what we put as our greatest priority that gets our resources, time, focus, and energy. I say all of this not to point fingers (although mocking IS one of my gifts), but to give you the opportunity to call me a loser to my face when, in a couple weeks, I say, "MAN, I have been having a hard time making time to read my Bible." You will know that, that translates to, "I am so awesome; reading the Bible isn't worth my time." (Insert long, stoopid faced sighing.) This morning, I am being honest with my cool level. It is low. Oh so low. So I read my Bible. Psalm 127 and laughed at how blunt God can be to let me know he is talking to me. Then I was encouraged, which is just what I was looking for.

Psalm 127 (The Message)

A Pilgrim Song of Solomon (to be fair not everyone agrees he wrote this.)
1-2 If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city,
the night watchman might as well nap.
It's useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don't you know he enjoys
giving rest to those he loves?

3-5 Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don't stand a chance against you;
you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

I want God to be the lone builder of this establishment. Therefore, I must seek. He promises me peaceful sleep and reminds me my children are a true gift.
I am blessed; my quiver is bursting at the seems.

Now, I get to go encourage and love others. Also, I am going to remember to count my blessings. I should have plenty of time to do this because God is my protector, my provider, my God. I do not trust in him in vain.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Doubt

OH THE DOUBT.
Where do you stuff it when it is too big to fit anywhere inconspicuously?
So, suckiness is happening. My first reaction is a desperate need to have an answer to the questions.

Then, I said, "Lord help me not to need answers."
This is the toughest spot I have ever found myself in. God has equipped me to be a problem solver, a leader, a go-getter, a warrior, a take-no-crap-from-nobody girl. He has also created me just as he created everyone else: in need of Him alone.

So as I look around me, I am scrambling to find that sweet spot in the center of the scales. That place that I can remain without tipping the balance too far in my direction. That place that means I give over and give in so I can lean in to God and not on me. That place that seems impossible to see because I am clouded. I can only see immediate and worry. I want to see that place. I am afraid it isn't going to come in one sweeping movement though. It is likely to come in super small steps and be there long before I realize. That is usually how it works. I cannot do that; I can only be available for that.
So, I just get to do what I can to keep on that path. I just get to be obedient in the little things. This is where my scandalous friends would tell me to pull up my big girl panties and deal.

Well, I AM DOIN' IT! Don't watch though. I don't do well with an audience.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Meloncholy- My Man Got Laid Off Today. Big Sigh.

So many times when you go through tough times you hear people say really great encouraging words. You may even think them yourself. You may do a good job at keeping perspective. You may have great faith and confidence in what God has for you. And still, you can feel melancholy through it all.

It's good to remember that having strong faith in God's plans for you doesn't mean you have to be an annoying cheer leader or super bubbly all of the time. You don't have to have an incessant fake smile on your face.

You can be sad. You can grieve for what you have lost. You can need some time to just be. You can do all of this and still BE all of that up there. There is certainly a fine line between this behavior and really falling off the edge into depression. This melancholy is short lived; it's a healing process- not a check out.
So for now, I want to just be melancholy and wait for God to do what he is gonna do.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Conversations With Addison (the crazy one)

Addison: If Justin Beiber lived with us, and our house was really old and small, he would design my new room and I would love it.
Me: um. I feel weird.
Addison: swooon.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Storm by Lifehouse

how long have i been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
waters getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if i could just see you
everything would be alright
if i could see you
this darkness would turn into light

and i will walk on water
and you will catch me if i fall
and i will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

i know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am i ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause i'm so used to living underneath the surface

if i could just see you
everything would be alright
if i'd see you
this darkness would turn into light

and i will walk on water
and you will catch me if i fall
and i will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright

and i will walk on water
and you will catch me if i fall
and i will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and now everything is alright
everything's alright

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Pictures of Happiness

Elijah and Samuel trying on hats. Fit like a glove, clearly. We had a race the entire trip to see if the girls could ever make it out of the bathrooms before the boys. The only time we thought we had won, we sat smug and excited outside the bathrooms. About five minutes later, we realized the boys were in the store next to us doing this. Losers. I mean stupid kids. I mean weirdos. I mean..never mind. I have competition issues.

OK, this doesn't show up so much in the pictures, but the resemblance between the teeth on these two is UNcanny. Unreal. They are brothers. Clearly.

I don't understand what Samuel thinks I am saying, but when I say, "SAY Happy DISNEYland," so that everyone is smiling on the word happy, he must hear, "Sam, be as weird as possible." To which he internally replies, "check."


This was such a fun, and long awaited, trip. We are a tad poorer, but with all the pending rottenness coming up, I wouldn't have done anything differently.




Friday, January 28, 2011

I Am


going to attempt to run three miles tomorrow. Some of you are thinking big deal. You people clearly don't know my limits. You people clearly have not seen me run. It will not be pretty, but I am going to run for three miles. There is a chance I will die directly afterward. It has been swell. Good night and big balls.

Monday, January 24, 2011

NO pictures just yet

BUT here are a couple of tidbits from our trip:

the drive there wasn't as terrible as we thought it would be.
the ride home was.
Big Thunder Mountain was the favorite roller coaster of the weekend. Loved by even the smallest little Brewer.
EVERYONE agreed Pirates was the best ride EV.ER.
Mickey Mouse ice cream heads are from Jesus.
Four year olds are still grumpy even in the happiest place on earth.

Conversation recap between The Man and Sam Fisher (4) after eating ice cream-
The Man: Sam, you have ice cream in your nose. How do you get ice cream IN your nose?
Sam: Do you really want to know?

They do not sell spanking spoons or harnesses at the happiest place on earth.
My teenager isn't a punk whilst in the happiest place on earth.
Five is a lot of kids, but one more would have made for a lot less hassle when we were trying to figure out who was riding with whom every half hour. Someone was always left alone.


Conversation recap between The Man and Sam Fisher (4) while driving over hill and dale along the 395-
Sam: WHOA those hills almost make my wiener tickle!!!
later on one of the rides in a not at all quiet voice-
Sam in fits of giggles- That one really DID make my wiener tickle!!

In vehicle dvd players are from Jesus.
We make sad faces when our favorite rides are closed: Splash Mountain and Mickey's Toontown.
Fireworks at the happiest place on earth are the best in the world.
Captain Jack is still sort of hot even in wax form.

Monday, January 17, 2011

What Are You Doing This Weekend?


WEEEE are going to this place. See you later alligators.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Why I Like Mike #27

Right now we are in bed with our laptops on our...well, our laps after a long night of studying. He has taken a break to:

google my name- he is clearly impressed by how many pages I take up.
play hearts on his 'puter
and, check out The Pioneer Woman website.

He is mine ladies. back off.

Monday, January 03, 2011

2011


My list of things that will change in the coming year seems so much smaller than usual. One year, The man and I rattled on for hours of all the things that would happen. I guess the only thing I can figure is I am focused. This year marks the beginning and end of a few major events.




This year


I will graduate AGAIN, but this time I will be a master. (If I only had a wand!!)

My husband will become a paramedic/firefighter

My husband will either lose his job, or he will keep it. Either way that's a big deal.

My children will all become school aged children. My baby will turn five.

That means he will start kindergarten.

We will be involved in some capacity in a mission trip to Africa.

My daughter will become a teenager. A real one. Sigh. I am not ready for this.

The Squirrel will get her two front teeth.

and, I will run a half-marathon (and by run, I mean ride the pony called the sag wagon over the finish line.) Please, call me Forrest.


What have you got planned for this year? Make it a good one.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mini Sermon- Jesus Shaves*


My mom is a pastor, so sometimes I find myself mimicking her. Other times, I find myself with my hand on my hip yelling at kids. Also a learned trait from that lady. Both are dangerous, and for neither am I qualified.

Anyway, I was reading my Bible, and I wrote a little something that seems worth sharing. Let's face it, I think everything I think is worth sharing. I try to filter for your benefit. Also, if I didn't filter, I would never get anything done around here.

I am reading through the psalms. Currently, I am on 96. The message in this passage nicely reflects what I feel God is asking of me and what the answers I feel I received during Sunday's teaching. Pastor talked about something, and I heard, "Be obedient in the little things." I wrote that down. Then this morning, I revisited questions I posed in my journal and realized this is indeed my answer. My questions have all been basically similar.

*How long can a human possibly wait for answers?

*When Joshua led his men into battle and asked God to make the sun stand still so they could win the fight as God said they would, they marched all night. What does walking all night look like for me right now?

*Can a person wait audaciously? hmmmm.

My answer- be obedient in the little things. Here is the list I want to press into:

faithful to tithe no matter how scary the job front begins to look.

pray, always

bible and study time, daily and with others

worship time, actual singing

serving, when and where are up to God. Then I just do it.

give glory to God and tell everyone I know everything God is doing in my life.


Then, today I read Psalm 96. Funny the way God works in encouragement and confirmation. Verse 7 begins:

Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations (that means all of us. If you live in a nation, this is directed at you. The word "ascribe" is translated from the word "YAHAB" which means provide or give. So GIVE to the Lord. Do it. Give. Tithe, time, praise, GIVE. Ascribe. Yahab.)
Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength (Give the Lord the credit for the good in your life. Especially if you are going to blame him and yell at him when things don't go according to the plan your pea brain came up with. I am not judging. We all have pea brains.


Give glory, THEN give him the room to be powerful in your life. If you enter every prayer or time of worship defeated, your worship is going suck and not be so pleasing to God. Picture your kids on Christmas morning. Could you imagine how irritated you would be if you worked so hard to coordinate this amazing Christmas for your children, up all hours shopping and wrapping, fighting through holiday traffic to get them exactly what they will love, and come Christmas morning you are met with grouching, feet sluffing, and gripes that your presents weren't exactly what they had in mind EVEN before they know what you have to give!? There is a good chance I would be so mad I would punch a kitten, but not God. He is patient while we are sluffing our feet, whining so loudly about defeat and frustration that we miss EVERY other thing he is doing in our lives. Choose to no longer be this guy. Make a list, visit a country where they have NEVER had the things you are whining about losing or that you don't have; learn to see the blessings surrounding you RIGHT now. I guess this means snow tires and a TV should not be what's getting me down. bah. Lamentations 3:22 tells us we will struggle and be frustrated, but we will not be consumed. God's pretty good at keeping his promises.)
Ascribe to the Lord glory due his name: bring an offering and come into his courts (Glory due his name seems something I cannot possibly give to God. Anytime I feel remotely close, I become speechless, overwhelmed with God's grace, and I cry. So good luck with that one. Ascribe him glory AND bring him an offering. That isn't limited to money. This giving applies to your entire life. Even the life you like to keep separate from church. I hate to tell you that there really is no such thing, but THAT is a can o'worms I can't get into. How's your offering looking? What is your output? your fruit? your greatest treasure? There your heart's focus lies.)

Later in this psalm, it says the world is firmly established, it cannot be moved. In addition to thinking of the giant in Princess Bride, I am thinking this means God wins, so we can stop worrying.
*This picture is dedicated to Erin Harrison and her brother Brian, who is the second funniest person I know. My bother still holds that trophy. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Maybe You Didn't Know

*I do not love taking baths. I only take them when it kills me too much to put down the book I am reading. Then, I'll stay in there 'til I am pruny.

*When I was a kid, I wanted to have ten kids. Almost there. But, I only wanted boys. Girls were weird, and I had the coolest brothers ever.

*I do not wish on shooting stars. I just don't.

*I was seven when God impressed upon me to become a teacher.

*I wish I had more time to cook. I am pretty decent at it, and I completely enjoy blessing my family by filling them full of good food.

*Along those lines, I LOVE aprons. I especially love vintage looking ones.


*I do NOT think it is ever appropriate for men to wear sweats. They are terrible honestly for anyone, but when men wear them I gag.

*I love musicals. I want to see a real Broadway, in New York musical. I would fly there JUST to see one, but I figure why not throw in a romantic vacay with The Man while I am at it?

*I would have been good on Broadway. I mean, except for the fact that I have retched stage fright, can't remember lines, and cannot act remotely. If my life would take place in opposite land, I would have loved to be in musicals.

*I want to vacation in Alaska. They have a train there that takes you on a scenic tour for a couple'a days. They have sleeping compartments and food trains. I want to go ice climbing and hiking and take a boat out on the water and sleep in a super great cabin.

*I think photographs are the best decorations a home can have. They should be ever to show the stages and memories of family life.

*I know how to properly use a semi-colon; people who don't should learn or use a period.

*I think cruises are weird. I guess I would go on one with The Man, but I would prefer to skip the boat and fly right to the destination.

*I think vacations to third world countries is a bizarre concept. I don't want to rest up in a place where I can't drink the water. Or where you have to walk by a puddle of hepatitis water whenever you go out.

*I am a history nerd. Completely. It's why I prefer the Old Testament. I could read a history text book and call it entertaining.

Beauty. For Realz


Some people are attractive. Some people have a dynamic personality. Some people are pretty or handsome and simply pleasant to look at. Then there is Miss Layla Grace. She is beauty for realz. She is 8. Has feet nearly the same size as me. Has the height of many grown women. And she has the most attractive personality I have ever seen in a kid. She is the sort of kid who moves mountains with her faith. She is the sort of kid, who at four years of age, was found lying on the grocery store floor smooching a picture of Zac Efron. She is the sort of kid everyone wants to be friends with, even adults. I have to remind her that she is 8 because she regularly slips into circles of adult conversation. She wants to adopt every orphan, knit everyone she knows a scarf and hat, and go to Africa to help build an orphanage and play soccer with the children. She needs to snuggle with at least one person every day. When childless men, content to have zero responsibilities, are near her, they agree to have kids if they are identical to Layla Grace. She loves Jesus in an amazing way. She is beauty for realz.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sun Stand Still


This book I am reading is called Sun Stand Still, and it is written by a pastor by the name of Steven Furtick. Furtick, that's fun to say. ALMOST as fun as Francisco.

Anyway, he is challenging the crap out of my life right now. He says we need to have audacious faith. I love that word because it is an excellent throw back to my childhood. Here are a couple quotes:

-If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God.

-[Just like the Israelites] There is an exceedingly good land that you're meant to occupy.

- God isn't intimidated by long shot prayers.

I am halfway through this book. I started it yesterday morning, and I plan on finishing it by tomorrow, probably during my dentist appointment. Because of this book, and the words I feel God wants me to hear, I have made a few changes.

1. I have committed to run a 1/2 marathon with three of my closest friends in June, and I know without a doubt that God will give me what it takes to complete it.

2. No matter where I am, I will be content because there I have God. The end.

3. When it comes to provision, I have no fear. None. So you can (say it with me if you have heard this one before) suck it satan.

4. I am choosing to be content with wherever God has me- city, state, church, work- content.

5. Like Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy, I am going to shout it out and be bold in my prayers. I don't fully know what that looks like, but that's exactly what I intend to find out. I am going to do it, even if it means I pray to walk on water or ask the sun to stand still so I can rightfully claim the promises God has given me.

One of the chapter subtitles in this book is "The Audacity to Ask." That is what plan to have- the audacity to ask. I have only gain to look forward to because the Bible says so. Life to the fullest, standing on God's promises, plans to prosper me, Jesus loves me this I know: these are all reminders of my inheritance. I just have to stand up and take it.

word to your mother.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

And This Guy


I mean, we have already been over his hotness. I know what you are thinking. "What more is there to discuss?" Well, I will tell you. Here are a few things you don't know about this guy that make him more than lovable:

He gets incredibly excited about those free address labels that randomly come in the mail. INCREDIBLY.

He likes to eat a whole lotta junk food while he watches The Biggest Loser. Who doesn't.

He prays. I really like that about him. Especially when he begins his prayers with, "dear baby Jesus." sigh.

He is addicted to Craig's List. That man gets on Craig's List like that kid on Mall Rats gets on that escalator. I have recommended he join a support group.

He can paint a room without taping it off. It's like his hands are magic just like Heart said they are. Magic hands, Mamma. I keep telling him it would make an excellent side job.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Ghost Ride the Whip (Family Talent Show 2010)



So, every year our family has a talent show as our after dinner Thanksgiving entertainment. Some people bowl, some people watch football, but we have a talent show. Everyone is required to participate. Here is Kristopher and Melissa's contribution. They felt their talent could best be described in a made for YouTube video.

Another


And by "another" I mean, there are a lot of weird people in my family. When the photographer says pose Eli hears, "Pretend I am the paparazzi and you are an exotic bird. Ready GO!"

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Clown of the Family


Something about this kid just seems naughty. It's a quality. When he poses in pictures, he seems to say, "You can relax; the party is saved; I am here now." Naughty. I will not be the slightest bit surprised when he gets coal in his stocking this year. Well, maybe a little, because he is also the sort of kid who can convince you of anything. Especially when it means he gets presents not at all made of fossil fuels.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Izzy Up Close


This is Isabelle's contribution to the family photo. Apparently she felt her job was to out beauty everyone in a ten mile radius. When does she hit her gangly, awkward stage? I specifically remember someone mentioned a gawky preteen would be taking her place for awhile. When will THAT girl show up? Instead I have a 25 year old 12 year old. I am grateful Mike Brewer owns a gun.

Monday, November 22, 2010

HILARIOUS FACES


So, I realize my family is BIG. Our pictures are usually a fairly accurate portrait into our everyday lives: chaotic, but happy.
I thought I would break down one of the pictures, so you aren't an overwhelmed observer. Here is my first favorite face from one of the pictures Ms. Speckled Bird took of The Fam.
What does this picture say to you? Clearly she is freezing. Clearly she is small. Clearly she is part of a squirrel family who is no doubt missing her terribly since she went scavenging for nuts so many years ago. Clearly.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Why I Like Mike #26

The fam and I were sitting on the couch yesterday skimming through new pictures and old blog posts. My Husband, who I really like (clearly), doesn't read my blog. It's like his life is just sad. Anyway, I realized it has been almost a year since I blogged a Why I Like Mike post. So, in trying to keep consistent with being the better spouse, here goes....

I like Mike because he doesn't just TRY to be hot; he exudes hotness.

It's probably why he became a fire fighter.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Geographically Speaking

I am not totally sure what life is like where you live, but geographically speaking, this is what we do in Reno.



Thanks for another great photo shoot Jessie The Bird.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Where'd They All Go


Remember the cast of Good Will Hunting? Where'd they go? Busy having babies and dodging paparazzi probably. But I really like all of those guys. Maybe they read my blog, and maybe they want to be in super great movies again to appease me. No? FIND. (Monica from Friends when she has a cold)

I get that celebrities want their own lives, but I have needs! I need to see Minnie Driver in a romantic comedy.
I need Robin Williams to be funnier than he has been in movies like Old Dogs cause that was a sad attempt.
I need Ben Affleck to crack me right up alongside his brother Casey, who is freaking hilarious without even trying. I still believe Jennifer Garner married Ben Affleck based solely on his suit-wearing scene with the "associates" in GWH.
Cole Hauser..remember when he was on ER. mmmhmmm.
I need Matt Damon to take off his shirt..I MEAN be tough in a movie. And take off his shirt.
I have needs. I am a movie girl.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Sometimes It Sucks

I am reading a really great book called "Leap Over a Wall" by Eugene Peterson. It's a book I borrowed from The Pastor, and it blindsided me. Read it; it's good stuff. Be warned though, there are some big words in there. I actually have had to pull out my dictionary a couple times (and by pull out my dictionary, I mean I ask my friends Melissa and Jessica, as they are smarter than me).

As this week has progressed toward what is usually the second happiest weekend of my year (Halloween/a house full of friends/my birthday/chili..mmmm) my stress level has risen significantly. My stressful belly-aches are back, and there is a slight chance I have considered taking up closet drinking once or twice. (I stand by my argument that those people seem happy!)

Anyway, many of you have prayed loads for us for job security. Thank you. If you get a spare prayer, please do it again. God has been miraculous over and over, but the conversations have started again. My husband is number one on the layoff list. The results will be in just before or after Christmas. awesome. (Insert heavy sighing). And because I know loose lips sink ships (and give that rotten devil the foothold he is waiting for to sink said ship aka devastate my marriage), I am processing through this news rather than reacting and freaking out.

I don't think The Pastor's teachings on taking hold of our regularly scheduled God time are at all coincidental. So, I am listening. Twice this week, God has spoken audibly my name to wake me up to chat with him. Weirder still, his voice is that of Mike Brewer's when he is trying to get my attention over the chaos of our happy home. Shon-TELL!! Both mornings The Man was at work, so there is no confusing that it wasn't actually him yelling at me.


Anyway, I am never one to ask why something is happening. Never. Honestly, never. I trust God. The end. But, that doesn't take away the hurt that comes with the struggles. In fact, because I am so focused on not doubting, I don't know where to send my questions. It's as if they just sit inside my brain threatening to bust loose. Without asking, I got an answer.
Back to old-big-word-Eugene. He said,"When you hit your thumb with a hammer, it hurts just as much after you've accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior as it did before."

The only difference I can see is I am not the one swinging the hammer. I think that is what frustrates me most and raises the "why" questions. If this were happening because my husband were a loser it wouldn't be so hard to take. I would understand that natural consequences happen. But Mike Brewer isn't a loser. In fact, he is a really hot fire fighter. Every city needs one, and he is Reno's. It just seems unjust.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's Coming on Christmas, They're Cutting Down Trees



Ah, the happiness that was once Joni Mitchell. Not a fan? My oldest brother is. This information was weird for me to hear as well. I digress.


It's the time of year for greatness:


snuggles


tall socks


toe socks


short socks


Santa socks


hot drinks


blankets


handmade quilts draped across the arm of the couch


visitors, the kind you never want to leave (J.H & M.H. & R.H. & R.H)


anticipating snow


bundling in coats, hats, scarves, and mittens


boots (ah boots)


naked trees


these are a few of my favorite things.


I just love this time of year. I have a list of movies I save for this time of year. I will save that list for another post.


I have been reading a silly amount of books lately.


Here is a fast list of my seasonal favorites from various categories:





Drink: Pumpkin Spiced Latte


Tune: My Love by Sia


Socks: over the knee, striped


Shoes: tall multi shades of brown


Outerwear: grey cord knit sweater with large wooden buttons


Book: The Hunger Games Series. SOOO GREAT!


Movie: You've Got Mail and Little Women (I don't trust people who can narrow their movie pick to one no matter for how short a time. shady)


Free time (snort): quilting and scrapping




My little black heart and I just LOVE this time of year.


Sunday, October 10, 2010

Is It Weird...


That my couch is the number one culprit for my chiropractic issues, but I still sit on it?


That there are several songs I never tire of hearing?


That I have a poster of E.C.?


That Samuel colored his right nostril green tonight, and I didn't make him wash it?


That I absolutely love teen series books?


That I keep forgetting I have a job? :/
That I get absolutely irritable if I haven't had a chance to listen to music in my day?


That I never want my husband to go to work because I like him?


That I would rather spend my days in a t-shirt and jeans than any other clothing in the world?


That I have written "Lord, please use me as you see fit, but please don't ever send me to Africa. I am not that kind of missionary" about ten times in my journals over the last decade, and now I love all things African and would be on the next plane if the big guy said do it?


That I accuse people of being racist if they ask me to hand them something white? (giggle)


That EVERY time someone leans their head on my hair or tries on a hat that isn't theirs or shares a brush I wonder if lice will be involved?


That I am never without the color red on my person?

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Because I'm a Child

I giggle when I hear the words:

unit
do, do
tube, and
ball bag.

Who doesn't? Well, they are lying, and I don't like those people.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

NUMB3RS




Recently I

coached my team to three wins in two days. Bazinga


Prepared a 26 slide presentation with Team Green at GCU.


Took zero headache medicine.


Was adjusted once by a very kind chiropractor.


Ate at least six cookies. mmmm.


Watched three of my favorite premier television shows.


Drove 13 hours for away volleyball games in six days.


Listened to six teenage girls sing the Hairspray soundtrack at full volume. LOVE it.


Lost my voice twice.


Drove with one good looking man to one away game. Goodtimes. The girls call him Mr. Coach.


Snuggled with five very cutie children, all my own.


Began reading four new books.


Said thank you at least six times to a very helpful mother-in-law for keeping the kids.


Taught six foreign exchange students rules about commas.


Received one thank you/encouragement card from the prettiest Korean girl at the school (she is the ONLY Korean girl at the school) tied to a bundle of four dry erase markers.


Opened one accurate fortune cookie that told me all of my hard work would soon be worth it.


I think it was right.


Now, I must sleep.


The end.




Monday, September 27, 2010

Too Busy To Be A Christian

Do you find that you are too busy with life? I do. I don't want to. In fact, every time The Man and I drive somewhere other than here, I am pointing out places that would make a great homestead for a commune. We have some of you picked out to join us. Obviously we are basing your invite on your skills, number of children, likeability, and of course, looks. I am just saying our children will need to procreate and I don't want no ugly grandbabies.

Anyhoo, I feel like I keep trying to find more time for this, that, and the other (why these things are always on my list of things to accomplish I have no idea!)but it isn't working. Some days I have time for this; for example, this morning I took a shower. Other days I have time for that; for example, I read a book this week. Not a whole book, only a part of one, but I read.
When I began analyzing further, I realized the first things to go seem to be anything regarding my health and well being and the attention I give to others in need. AKA I am too busy to be a Christian. I prefer to keep my head low, disregard other people's needs, and hurry and get through so I can get to the next event.

Let me say this clearly so you understand me (and then maybe it will sink into my shriveled brain):
LIVING THIS WAY IS STUPID.
The end.

Things I miss due to my stupid lifestyle:

Snuggling
Having others over to the Brewer House for coffee or otherwise
playing my guitar
reading for long periods of time and not wanting to fall asleep instantly
sleep
coffee and books in bed
dancing and singing showtunes with my kids across the kitchen
family reading hour
playing outside
blogging
gardening
laundry
clean bathrooms. They are just eh right now.
an updated calendar
empty email boxes
snail mail letter day (everyone should celebrate this)
nonsense phone calls with friends
bible study with my friends RB and ML
scrapping

This last one is getting fixed. Actually, many of these will resume after October 24th, where I will be committing to more of the right things. But, Hillside Foursquare Church on Sutro will be hosting Ladies' Scrap Night on Tuesdays from 7-10pm beginning October 26th. I will be your hostess with the mostest.
As for everything else,

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Over Extended is Over Rated

highly.

Sometimes I think something is going to be a great idea, so I say yes. Then I realize it is keeping me from the first great ideas I had. lame.

To deal with all of it, I am pushing through and declaring a day. A day to:

eat delicious breakfast with friends.

wake up at 4:30 to partake in the balloon races. Dawn Patrol.


return home to veg on the couch with the kids to watch Christmas movies.

Sneak in a little homework, which I did, and now I am done.

pee. Which I have to do a lot this morning because of the amount of coffee I drank because I woke up at....Why am I recapping this? Don't you read?!

Friday, September 03, 2010

I AM


A coach! Not this kind, but when I did a search for a picture, this pretty little number came up, and I can't seem to take my eyes off it.

I am also seriously cootied. Ick. I have infections and colds and ick. Feel free to pray for me or buy me this bag. Both are sure to help me.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

We Are Homeschooling Again!



Thank you Jesus! THIS is exactly how school should be.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Look What I Saw When I Logged On...

Congratulations! Your degree/certificate has been officially conferred for the BSED/E program. Your complimentary diploma/certificate and transcript will be processed and mailed to you within the next few weeks along with any additional diplomas/transcripts you may have requested on your diploma/certificate application. If expedited shipping was requested they will be processed and sent as requested. Note: Diplomas and transcripts are mailed separately.




HEE Hee YAY!!! Today, I became a graduate student.

I submitted my first assignment. Then I realized my second assignment is a 4page paper and threw up a little in my mouth.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Reach Out a Little

This weekend, our church hosted an outreach in the park hoping to simply love on others. Those are my favorite sort of out reaches. Where people don't understand what they are supposed to do once you give them something. On the way home, we asked the kids to share their favorite part of the morning. Here was my story:

This little boy (about age5-6) was dressed in his little shorts and wife beater, hair in a super awesome long pony tail. He was bowling on the side walk using a little set of pins. I offered to help him by setting the pins up so he could bowl and be amazing. He was hitting strikes and super excited. I say, "go get on that skate board and knock the pins over with your body."

With wide eyes and sheer excitement he asks, "CAN I!?"

To which I reply, "YEEES!"

So he does and he knocks them all down with whoops and hollars and happiness. He gets set for round two while I reload the pins, only this time he is sitting on the board. As he starts to take off, he sort of falls backwards, and I say, "WHoooah! maybe you should be wearing a helmet."

He says with a straight face, "I'm not wearing any underwear."

So I blink in confusion and promise not to look, and he ends our conversation with, "my dad never told me to put them on."

HAHAHAHA! Outreaches ROCK!

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Stuck in the Middle

About January of this year God began talking to me about all sorts of things. Some good, some new, some reruns that I have not quite worked out, and some that are just plain scary, but ALL that are exciting. Let's face it; when God talks to you, it's amazing.

So, he kept saying these things to me, and about a two weeks ago, I realized he wasn't changing his tune. So I prayed and asked if I was missing out on what he was wanting me to hear. Nope. Loud and clear, I tell ya. He did add a little something at the end.



I looked around and realized I was already somewhere along in the journey I thought I was sitting still and waiting for. I kept thinking, "Man, when this starts, this is going to be awesome." or "I am so excited for this adventure to begin." or "I love that my family is going to experience something new, and God is going to use us." God said, "um...look around you Clown (he often refers to me as Clown, because my inabilities make him laugh in love). You started this journey months ago!"



It was like that story of Paul when the scales fell off his eyes. I was able to see so clearly! I have been working so hard at being at rest and waiting on God (which, if you have met me more than ten minutes ago, you know I am no good at) that I missed EVERYthing he is doing right now and a few minutes ago and a few weeks ago and for the last few months. I was able to look back in a healthy (not like Lot's wife) way and see that I have taken a number of steps in obedience and I am mid-process! I am not waiting for my work to begin! I am in it! God is using me! God is asking, very little things, but he is asking, and I am responding, in very little ways, but I AM responding.
It's also not unlike Bob Wiley's experience being a sailor. AHOY! I'M SAILING! I just let the boat do all of the work!

The end result of what comes of all of that is irrelevant all of a sudden. I am no longer living with my eye on the prize of what's in it for me (for at least 6 hours of my day HA!) and I am focused on living for just right now. This is a new way of living for a girl who exists in a world where only planners go to heaven. (Sorry for your luck)

So, I guess my question is, are you waiting for your journey to begin? Did you know that you are already on it? look around for a minute and take stock in what God is putting in front of your face. You are usable right now. You just need to be available to say yes.

It's true that your journey could be really sucky right now. So what are you going to do about it? I don't know about you, but I like to think God isn't a kidder when he makes promises. So I believe him when he says I am going to get double my reward for the troubles I see in life.

Pastor said something profound today (not limited to or excluding all the rest of the profound things he said today) that I heard already recently. He said, "the bible tells us we have not passed this way before." I don't think that passage means that we are in uncharted territory. I think it means we haven't gone through this crazy life and struggles with the faith in God that we could have had and now look how different it can be! That's encouraging to me, cause alone, I am pretty sucky. But with the teeny tiny faith I hold securely, God is gonna be right there to use it, double it, and give me more. GULP! BABY STEPS INTOOOO THE ELEVATOR!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Missing Church

We have missed church the last two weeks, and we are planning to miss again this week. I don't like it. I am not used to it. I really don't skip church. Not even when I was vomiting repeatedly during my Samuel pregnancy. I just sat nearer the bathrooms.
Don't get me wrong. A) going to church doesn't make you or me any holier or Christiany-er 2) I really enjoy my time with my family, and D) I have enjoyed the missing you/mocking your heatheness phone calls.
After my second week of missing, I was bummed. After telling my kids we were going camping this weekend, so we won't be at church this Sunday, they were bummed as well, which made me more bummed.
That's a lot of bums. We went to Reflect Church when we were in Sacramento, which was nice, but not our home. I heart Hillside. I don't trust people who feel otherwise. They are shady.

I have been hanging out with these people.

While I have been busy skipping church and spending time with the fam, I have managed to accomplish the following:

Sorted through all of the clothes in my household to become an emptier vessel.
Threw down a deep cleaning on my laundry room.
Had new friends over for dinner.
Traveled to Santa Cruz, and then traveled to Sacramento.
Camped out at Davis Lake.
Finished and sent out our very first Hands of Hope Missions newsletter! (praise God!)
Finished my bachelor's degree at the University. (another praise to God)
Registered for my master's program at Grand Canyon University!
Snuggled with my husband over countless movies.
Cried a little at the things God wants from me. Growing hurts.
Gave disappointed shoulders to NBC when Michael Scott confirmed his office exit.
Found a friend to put chords to my song.
Recognized I am less amazing than I want to be, but Jesus loves me anyway.
Realized God isn't surprised by how lame I am.
Purchased and planted a fantastic tree in my back yard (by me I mean The Man).
Prayed and heard more reassurance from God during this 30 day bible study than possibly ever before in my whole life.
Contemplated a new tattoo.
Wondered if Moses will be in the Truckee Meadows area.

I was thinking something like this....

Friday, July 16, 2010

AAAAAH RELAX! GET TO IT!


If you need me before Monday, I will be here.

Just keep shouting. I am sure you will find me eventually. If not, it wasn't meant to be.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Prepare to be Amazed!

So, maybe this guy doesn't exactly amaze you, but wait for it...just wait for it! The kids and I have been praying about creative ways to raise money for the Redeemer House. As I was weeding through the things we no longer need and things we could easily live without in order to be an emptier vessel, I began to notice the insane amount of uniforms we have here. SHEESH! Three kids worth of three years worth of uniforms from the same school could possibly add up to some moolah. I posted them on Craig's List for $2 each and said a little prayer. $140 dollars later we have about eight or so boys size ten slim pants left. UNbelievable, or believable if you think God can do good stuff when we step out to do good stuff. Which he did cause we did, jayehs. Now, whatever you do, don't look into that guy's eyes. HE is scary.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

um. what?

Widow lives with corpses of husband, twin
By MICHAEL RUBINKAM Associated Press Writer The Associated Press
Monday, July 5, 2010 7:52 PM EDT

WYALUSING, Pa. (AP) — The 91-year-old widow lived by herself in a tumbledown house on a desolate country road. But she wasn't alone, not really, not as long as she could visit her husband and twin sister.

No matter they were already dead. Jean Stevens simply had their embalmed corpses dug up and stored them at her house — in the case of her late husband, for more than a decade — tending to the remains as best she could until police were finally tipped off last month.

Much to her dismay.

"Death is very hard for me to take," Stevens told an interviewer.

As state police finish their investigation into a singularly macabre case — no charges have been filed — Stevens wishes she could be reunited with James Stevens, her husband of nearly 60 years, who died in 1999, and June Stevens, the twin who died last October.

But their bodies are with the Bradford County coroner now, at least temporarily off limits to the woman who loved them best. District Attorney Daniel Barrett said Tuesday that Stevens plans to build a crypt on the property.

"If she does that, the bodies will be released for that purpose," he said. "Otherwise they will be re-interred."

From time to time, stories of exhumed bodies are reported, but rarely do those involved offer an explanation. Jean Stevens, seeming more grandmother than ghoul, holds little back as she describes what happened outside this small town in northern Pennsylvania's Endless Mountains.

She knows what people must think of her. But she had her reasons, and they are complicated, a bit sad, and in their own peculiar way, sweet.

Dressed smartly in a light blue shirt and khaki skirt, silver hoops in her ears, her white hair swept back and her brown eyes clear and sharp, she offers a visitor a slice of pie, then casts a knowing look when it's declined. "You're afraid I'll poison you," she says.

On a highboy in the corner of the dining room rests a handsome, black-and-white portrait of Jean, then a stunner in her early 20s, and James, clad in his Army uniform. It was taken after their 1942 marriage but before his service in World War II, in which he fought in the Battle of the Bulge. After the war, James worked at a General Electric Corp. plant in Liverpool, N.Y., then as an auto mechanic. He succumbed to Parkinson's disease on May 21, 1999.

Next to that photo there is a smaller color snapshot of Jean and June, taken when they were in their late 80s.

In many ways, Jean shared a closer bond with her twin than her husband.

Though June lived more than 200 miles away in West Hartford, Conn., they talked by phone several times a week, and June wrote often. The twins — who, as it happened, married brothers — were honored guests at the 70th reunion of the Camptown High School Class of 1937.

Then, last year, June was diagnosed with cancer. She was in a lot of pain when Jean came to visit. The sisters shared a bed, and Jean rubbed her back. "I'm real glad you're here," June said.

On Oct. 3, June died. She was buried in her sister's backyard — but not for long.

"I think when you put them in the (ground), that's goodbye, goodbye," Stevens said. "In this way I could touch her and look at her and talk to her."

She kept her sister, who was dressed in her "best housecoat," on an old couch in a spare room off the bedroom. Jean sprayed her with expensive perfume that was June's favorite.

"I'd go in, and I'd talk, and I'd forget," Stevens said. "I put glasses on her. When I put the glasses on, it made all the difference in the world. I would fix her up. I'd fix her face up all the time."

She offered a similar rationale for keeping her husband on a couch in the detached garage. James, who had been laid to rest in a nearby cemetery, wore a dark suit, white shirt and blue knitted tie.

"I could see him, I could look at him, I could touch him. Now, some people have a terrible feeling, they say, 'Why do you want to look at a dead person? Oh my gracious,'" she said.

"Well, I felt differently about death."

Part of her worries that after death, there's ... nothing. "Is that the grand finale?" But then she gets up at night and gazes at the stars in the sky and the deer in the fields, and she thinks, "There must be somebody who created this. It didn't come up like mushrooms."

So she is ambivalent about God and the afterlife. "I don't always go to church, but I want to believe," Stevens said.

Dr. Helen Lavretsky, a psychiatry professor at UCLA who researches how the elderly view death and dying, said people who aren't particularly spiritual or religious often have a difficult time with death because they fear that death is truly the end.

For them, "death doesn't exist," she said. "They deny death."

Stevens, she said, "came up with a very extreme expression of it. She got her bodies back, and she felt fulfilled by having them at home. She's beating death by bringing them back."

There was another reason that Stevens wanted them above ground.

She is severely claustrophobic, and so was her sister; she was horrified that the bodies of her loved ones would spend eternity in a casket in the ground. "That's suffocation to me, even though you aren't breathing," she said.

So she said she had them dug up, both within days of burial.

She managed to escape detection for a long time. The neighbors who mowed her lawn and took her grocery shopping either didn't know or didn't tell. Otherwise forthcoming, Stevens is vague when asked about who exhumed the bodies and who knew of her odd living arrangement. She blames a relative of her late husband's for calling the authorities about the corpses.

"I think that is dirty, rotten," she said.

State police haven't said who retrieved the bodies but will soon present their findings to Barrett, the district attorney. A decision on charges is expected as early as Friday.

Authorities are looking into several possible violations, including misdemeanor abuse of a corpse, Barrett said.

Stevens has talked extensively with both the police and Bradford County Coroner Tom Carman, who calls it a "very, very bizarre case."

But the coroner has nothing but kind things to say about the woman at the center of it.

"I got quite an education, to say the least. She's 100 percent cooperative — and a pleasure to talk to," Carman said. "But as far as her psyche, I'll leave that to the experts."



Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Sometimes God Uses Movies

I realize I begin many of my sentences with the words so or sometimes. Go with it. So, sometimes :) God will give you a desire years and years and years ago and you just think it is a thought you had that sounds kind of cool. Then you keep having the idea and maybe you take a few steps toward that direction, but never really commit or feel a burning desire to rush after it. Other times all these ideas and what not will suddenly become relentless. Do you think they were the same level of intensity, but we were too busy to notice them? I cannot say, but for years (my whole life really) I have wanted to play guitar. Actually, I feel my feelings could best be described in a monologue from the made-for-the-big-screen movie Forrest Gump. I will reinact it for you now where I will be playing the role of Jenny.

Who wanted to be Joan

Here goes:

I want to be famous. I want to be a singer like Joan Baez. I just want to be on the empty stage with my guitar, my voice-just me. And I want to reach people on a personal level. I want to be able to say things, just one-to-one.

The end.
The difference between this monologue and the lived out monologue of my life as we know it is I don't want to be famous. That ship sailed a long time ago. Of course I would love to be more like Joan Baez, because she has lived an amazing life. Mostly though, I want to play guitar. I like to be alone, singing, just my voice, and if God puts me in front of people, fine. I won't like it, but fine. I just really want to play guitar. So I said all of this during my prayer today. Know what he said? "um. you may need to pick your guitar up and play. at least try. I can't drive a parked car." Or something to that effect. Funny. Who knew God made mock so much? Going to play my guitar now.

Also, this quote is the best.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
Forrest Gump: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.
And for those of you who don't know, you ARE supposed to be looking for Jesus. I bet he is closer than you think.