Ode to the Scofields

We love you.
We will miss you.
We don't want you to go.
God loves you.
God has goodness for you.
I still don't want you to go.
See you this summer.
Still don't want you to go.
Be safe.
Thanks for being my first friend.
Be hopeful.
Thanks for having hilarious kids.
Be patient.
Thanks for all the tattoos.
Be loving.
I still don't want you to go.

Do You Office?

Office is a new verb in my vocabulary. So, do you? Well, do you do it like this? A few of us may have gotten carried away celebrating Jim and Pam's wedding. You may notice my wardrobe change, but there is no way I could fit cake into that dress. I could hardly breathe.

Yes, well, you should. We had a real wedding cake, champagne,a couple of wedding dresses and a bride's maid. We also had one couple who didn't dress up. They filled the role of that one redneck uncle you have to invite in case he provides a Funniest Home Video moment.

Bodily Harm Update

Walter the mysterious nugget is as big a mystery as ever. No test has shown anything abnormal. I feel satisfied enough not to worry, but frustrated that my muscles all round him hurt. It could be completely unrelated or he could still in fact be an incredibly tight muscle. Possible. Also, CAT scans and the things they inject make you feel like you pee right there in the middle of everything, but you don't. Well ,I don't. YOU might.

Dr. Aric the Chiropractor said it seems as though my body is treating my rib muscles as though they are injured. He doesn't think they are because all the tests say they are healthy. It doesn't change the way my brain is viewing them though. SO, he has an admittedly painful therapy planned to stretch the muscles to keep them from being inflamed. While I am not at all excited about the money or the pain that will go into this, I am hopeful and looking forward to no longer being in pain.

Unfortunately, that all has to wait because while my ribs are incredibly inflamed and I had my cough due to cold, I broke a rib. At least one. That's all I know. Also, that it hurts like a swear word that rhymes with trucker. Oh, and what's the most miserable thing to do with a broken rib you ask? Sneeze. Holy Cheezits. It hurts.

Substitute Teachers and My Need to be Loved By All

So many days when someone doesn't like me, I figure they have real issues. Like, there is one lady who decided she was so offended by something I wrote on my blog, but not brave enough to tell me what it was, she just sent me rotten hate mail to express her opinions. Pretty much I think she is lame and a weenie. Toughen up, I say! Also, you should only read blogs based solely on facts if you don't want my opinion. Clearly there is something wrong with that lady, and I am wonderful. She swears she no longer wants anything to do with my blog, so she probably won't be reading this wondering if I am talking about her. probably.

Anyway, today a little boy who usually loves me decided to play the punk card and landed himself in the principal's office. Now, those of you who know me know I don't shirk at disciplining my kids, nor anyone else's kids- neighborhood kids, school kids, grocery store kids-whatever. WHAT? If I were a black lady, you would expect it!

Because he was most likely threatened by the principal not to show his cutie little face again today, this boy was beside himself when I said to head back up to the office. I tried every form of discipline a teacher can pull, which frankly isn't much. Especially when I prefer to give a little backhand of love to my kids when they are exceptionally mouthy, which he was. When he started spitting on all the kids in the class I drew the line in the sand.

He left not liking me. Not liking me even a tiny bit. And, I find myself wanting to go find him and make him love me. sigh. It's different with kids, I have decided. I actually care if they like me.

Conversations With My Kids

Mini-van conversations are the best. Those of you who do not own one, will not believe me, but tis true. For instance, today on our way home from dropping off taller children at youth group, I began asking Eli about the book he is reading, Bud, Not Buddy. Here is a tidbit:

Eli: I am at the part where that guy picks him up in his car.

Me: ooh, I like that part. Do you think that guy is going to be nice, or do you think he is rotten and trying to kidnap Bud?

Eli: He is trying to kidnap him.

Me: nope. He ends up being a really nice guy.

Addison: I don't like kidnaps. I like to stay awake. Well, if I am tired, MAYBE, but mostly I like to stay awake.

Me: good to know.

Layla: ahahahaa Addison, that doesn't even make any sense.

Conversations like these do not take place OUTside of mini-vans.

Work Schmerk

With student teaching coming up, I am supposed to be racking up as many subbing days as I possibly can. The problem is I still want to just be the mom. If I could stay home regularly I would spend my at home days differently. I could stop feeling like I am always trying to catch up.

breakfast in front of my fireplace, kids getting ready all around me

(if I am dreaming) someone else will take my kids to school

I get all the school stuff ready for homeschooling

do my dishes while Sam and Addie play with their morning centers

I would decide I don't feel like getting dressed and I would snuggle with my kiddos and watch a movie

This would be a morning of happiness for me. Also there would be coffee that didn't make my belly ache and my husband would be available every time I wanted a smooch, as he usually is on his days off.

Oh, and this would be my fireplace.

In A Funk

After hearing my brother speak on what captivates us this morning at church, I feel like I have figured out what captivates me and keeps me from God: nothing. Not nothing as in nothing keeps me from God and I am the best Christian any of you will ever meet. More like the Great Nothing from The Never Ending Story. ATREYU!
I feel the weight on my shoulders, but I can't see it. When I try to exam it closely, it alludes me. Like one of those little gray spots you catch every once in awhile in your sight line. You see it, but you can't look directly at it. I can FEEL it, but I can't quite put my finger on what is keeping me feeling secluded. Sometimes people call this being in a funk. It's what I would call it. It's in everything I do. I feel floundering, which is insane, because I feel as though I have plenty to focus on and accomplish, but the second I try to grab hold of something and look it in the eye, it's gone again. I don't know what more to say about it.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."~Meg Ryan as Kathleen Kelly

What are YOU doing today?

So, this morning I get to fast and drink grossness called contrast. THEN, I get to go into the imaging place and get a CT-Scan of my innards: organs, muscles, bones. Jealous much? Don't hate the playah... I will let you know what they say about Walter, the twin growing within me. Erin Reed, are you reading this? Call my house. Or email me at created1@charter.net and give me an email to contact you. sheesh. hope YOUR innards are well. Praying praying.

Noah the Nerd

My family is living with me. My brother, his wife, and two boys. This is Noah's back. I wrote him this letter.

Then, when I wouldn't tell him what I wrote, he tattled on me to his mother. She wrote him this letter.

This Year's Rib Cook Off Actually Got Better..if that is even possible!

We had our usual deliciousness with ribs (me obviously not eating those), lemonade, and yum-o corn...

BUT THEN, guess who decided to show up and give a free concert!


This one is my favorite. I think he dedicated this song to me..maybe.


Sigh. Jonny Lang.

AND Izzy dressed up like a chrysalis. Awesome.

Why I Like Mike #25 ADULT WARNING!!

This blog will now be showing porn. Some of the following images are not suitable for young children, women who cannot keep their hands and thoughts to themselves, or men who have ever thought my husband was hot. Proceed with caution. I apologize if these images make you stumble.


SEE! Oh my goodness. Kenny Chesney MAY have written that sexy tractor song after seeing my husband in the distance or closeness at some point. Hopefully not the closeness, cause that makes me a little scared.

Seriously, how do I make myself attractive enough to keep up with this?

Oh my. I have to go......

First Day of School

Layla Grace, the beauty queen. Seriously, this girl is just getting more beautiful by the second.

Eli apparently got the memo that said we were going fishing, not to school. I am still confused.

Middle schoolers striking a pose.

And then there is Sam. Also, confused.

Happy Bday Louie (Not Louise). I got you this shirt.

I wouldn't normally dedicate an entire blog post to my pastor for his birthday, but this was too much to resist. Here is to being 40 and mostly swearing in church. It is very similar to being mostly dead.

Question (not about bears)

If galoshes are two or a pair, what do you call it when you lose one?

Let's say I have one boot on, and the other is just out of my reach. Would I say, "hand me that galosh, please?"?

Tall Socks Make Everything Better

So, an update on my parts. Aren't you glad you stopped by? :)
I had a dr.s appointment yesterday with great news.

First, let me say that I regularly get obscure compliments about my parts. Let me clarify.

Many of you probably get hit on even if it's rare. And when that happens, it is probably something like, "Hey baby, nice (fill in the blank)." Not me. Well, not unless the man is toothless or the man is indeed a woman. I know what you are thinking- LUCKY (like Napoleon). I usually get the clear equivalent of being hit on from my doctors (who are not at all hitting on me) when they say things like

• Man, your bag of waters is like LEATHER!
• WOW, your bag of waters is really bulging!
• (and more recently) WOW! Your cholesterol panel was just magnificent! Really, it was amazing! (it was good for me too doc.)

It truly was. As were my chest and abdominal x-rays and my

ultrasound even seemed to go well this morning.

Well, it WAS going well while the female lab tech and I were cooperating-

her ultrasounding my belly and me hold the top of the robe closed over

my twins as she dug that devil wand into my ribs in search of kidney stones and other weirdness.

It sort of went downhill just after I had to do the pants unbutton so she

could get a scan of my bladder. We are both girls and she is a pro, so I

thought I could risk it. She did what she does and went back to

looking for "Walter", my strange growing development just under

my right rib. But then the doctor, who isn't a girl, came in suddenly.

So suddenly that I forgot my pants were sagging and my unsensible

cotton pink laces were out in the open. I didn't actually realize it until

he was unable to stop looking at them. Now, boys, you may not be

aware of this behavior, but GIRLS, it was like when boys notice great

boobs and no matter how inappropriate it is to look or how holy a man

pretends to be, he is unable to keep from glancing quickly until he forces

his eyes to stay far away from that region. Awesome. By the time I realized

what was happening, it would have been weird and obvious if I buttoned up,

so I just pretended that we were all professional adults and broke out into

fits of giggles in the dressing room. Then, I called my husband and told him

I made the doctor flustered and possibly stumble. I also mentioned that it

wouldn't have killed the doc to slip me a buck. Sheesh. For all of it, I blame

my husband who said, "sensible cotton briefs are for husband's work days, not home days."

Anyway, all that to say that kidney stones are likely, and "Walter" the lump is likely a pocket of fat or at the very least, something to forget unless it causes other problems. So the two things are unrelated. Odd, but true for now. I will know more concretely on Thursday, next week when i see my doctor, where I promise not only to avoid lacy under garments, but keep them tucked far away.

My money is still on Ben who said it is really a large nugget of gold and this is God's way of blessing us. Medical journals here I come. Also, if anyone has a metal detector, we could use it to detect said gold.

While I'm Waiting

Some of you know that my body hates me and so is rebelling. A week or so ago, my Chiro clarified what I thought was a misplaced rib as a "something that should get x-rayed." So I made an appointment with my doc and he sent me for blood work and chest and abdominal x-rays. My husband was great enough to take the morning off and make a date of it :) Not the most entertained we have been, but still good times. There was laughter where there have been many tears lately. We won't get the results, most likely, until Thursday the 24th.

So my dilemma has been keeping my mind off of what could possibly be growing in me or wrong with my body. It isn't helping that the pain is getting worse where before I had very little symptoms.

So, over the weekend, Mike and I went on a fantastic grown up date night. The only downer was when I realized I don't have clothes for occasions like this. Still, he likes me. Then, we spent the next day with the fam at Apple Hill for opening weekend. mmm Delish. Sunday was busy with church in the morning and the rib cook off with a very special ending featuring Jonny Lang in concert. Happiness.

Monday was back to work on ministry stuff, but when you get to meet with your friends at Starbucks, it somehow seems much more tolerable.

Tuesday was back to school for the kids, lots of homework for me, and morning prayer with people who love us.

My days have been defined by how I can keep myself busy. Now that my husband and eldest are off hunting the Nevadas, I am having a trickier time keeping busy. Which leaves too much time for stewing and not enough peace. Anyone not yet praying for my sanity should count this as an invitation to start. Those of you who have been praying, I have felt it tremendously. I cannot say thank you enough times.

Her Before Cast

It is handy having a firefighter for a daddy. He rigged up this boy scout sling in no time flat. Addison insisted on pointing to her injury while she posed. The second we mentioned the possibility of a break, she asked for a red cast. awesome.

Did You Know...

it is tricky to keep a four year old's cast cared for? Yeah, well, it is. So far she has dunked it in water...awesome, hit her brother with it :/, and thrown up in it. IN it. Yes, she threw up in her cast. ew. That's going to smell by next week when we have it taken off.

Fall is Around the Corner

How do I know fall is coming? My senses tell me so.

Smells: Pumpkin spice surrounds me via candles and lattes. Cinnamon is donning the grocery store shelves as it is smothered on pine cones. My fave.

Sights: My burning maple tree has beautiful red leaves mixed with the green now. My burning bushes are bright red. Stunning. School supplies are everywhere and "If I knew your address, I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils." Three less children, except when I work at school with them.

Tastes: um. hello. I already TOLD you- pumpkin spice lattes. Baked goods al'a Auntie Mel are making chubbier. DARN YOU MELISSA AND YOUR SCRUMPTIOUS BAKED GOODS!!

Sounds: quiet. Last night, at 7:30, my herd of children were loaded into jammies and bed leaving my husband and I to snuggle under my ever-christmas lights and the glow of the television. It was excellent. Seriously excellent.

Touch: snuggling. Occasionally the weather in Reno will freak out early and give us a random chilly day. Those days I make Moby Richard sit on my feet and my children snuggle with me under my favorite family heirloom quilt.

The Sixth Sense: I see dead people...wait. sorry. never mind.

And So It Begins...

This week I was given permission to sit in on all the pre-start day teacher meetings in order to rub elbows and get in a few observation hours.

The highlight was the principal delivering the Sexual Harassment lecture with the use of PowerPoint. In his heavy Turkish accent, "Okay, this slide says (stops to read it) sexual harassment, don't do it."

I left with three sub jobs, about ten observation hours down, and hopefully was helpful to a few teachers.

I think my student teaching assignment was approved.

I have five months to work and save enough money to pay someone to keep Sam and Addison during that student teaching time, and spend enough time with them that I don't feel horribly sad leaving them to work a full time job in February. Sigh. I am sad already.

Homeschooling starts in one week. I am giving myself the week to get the kids in school, give everyone time to spend memories with Mike's mom, who will be here Tuesday, and a little time to have a day get away with my entire family including Mike's mom. We don't all fit in my car, so that should be interesting. We may pawn off Sam-I-Am. Any takers? Thursday and maybe Friday.

Still in serious need of downsizing responsibilities. Struggling with how that looks and not wanting to bail on anyone or anything. Going to pray a bit more, but thinking you all may only see my shadow until July. It doesn't mean I don't love you.

Goodbye forever. (line stolen from PW)