Senses

I see a very blank page before me.


I hear my girl, Layla Grace, on the piano.

I taste nothing, but soon we are going to BJ's, so all will be right with the world.

I smell nothing as my nose is beyond stuffy. I hate rabbit brush. Yes. You heard me. HATE IT. Ask around. I don't hate anything. Except rabbit brush. SHOOT! What if I can't taste my dinner because of the rabbit brush. CURSE YOU DAINTY YELLOW FLOWERS.

I feel tired. A little sad. Fearful. All done. Anxious. Melancholy.

Maybe This Defines Me

I have been Mike's girlfriend for longer in my life than not. I like it.

Maybe this defines me.

 I have five kids, and none of them are babies. I like it. Babies aren't so bad though. Especially when you color a mustache on their face with a marker. (I never did this, but a girl can dream).

 Maybe this defines me.

 I have kept a blog for seven years. I like it.

 Maybe this defines me. I have never had money. Not really.

Maybe this defines me.

 I have never truly been poor. Not even close.

Maybe this defines me. My best friend is a dude. Almost 17 years ago I asked him if he wanted to be my BFF, and he said, "I do." So we are. Besties.

 Maybe this defines me.

 I don't swear. I never really have. I have just always felt it was the easy road. The ignoramus road. The clearly-you-can't-come-up-with-a-smarter-come-back road. And it just isn't lady like. Unless you are in the bedroom.

Maybe this defines me.

I can memorize movie lines and tell you the name of any voice over and spout movie trivia that means nothing.

Maybe this defines me.

Maybe. But probably not.

Because the only thing that matters is that I am a sinner. Forgiven. Loved. God's. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

And I LOVE cake.

LOVE it.

Is It Inevitable?

Humans have so much to offer one another, but it's not just the good that seems to pass between us. When we get into relationships, we have happy times and aggravation.

Jesus was always so good at just accepting people. People who were probably defensive, offensive, and any other fensive you can come up with. Still, he loved.

Moreover, when asked if there was a line to be drawn, he said no. There isn't a point we get to where we say, "I tried being kind. I tried loving you. You make it impossible. Jesus is letting me off the hook with you." At least I have yet to find that scripture.

But how do I stay genuine when someone so seemingly awful is in my face? Do I smile and pretend there is no problem? Do I distance myself? Do I tell them they are so awful that I find it tough to be around them unless I am using Jesus' love? I do not know the answers to all of these questions.

The phrase "turn the other cheek" comes to mind. My mouth is shut when I picture this. It's probably for the best. Saying it all out loud means I am adding to the grumbling. I hate grumbling. Grumblers exhaust me. Just say it people!! If you are mumbling what you have to say because you aren't sure you should be saying it out loud, chances are this is more your issue than the one you are grumbling about.

And bee tee double you. All that grumbling is infectious.
Not inevitable. Lord, help me choose to love. Your grace is inevitable. Thanks for it.

This Weekend

I have things planned. I have things going, you know. I have offers.

I want to make this because I ate it, and it was delicious. It's called Chicken Parmesan Soup. I am ready for soupy weather. 

I want my door to look like this. Instead I realized the wreath I made was for a much shorter door. It's sort of like when you have a little kid, say 18 months, and then you have a new one. When you put them together, the first one looks like a human raised by elves. My wreath is a puny newborn. I am ashamed.

Instead of all that, I will probably be working on a new seating chart, lesson plans, and attending a staff BBQ where the phrase curriculum map would be considered a swear.

And then

I fell asleep with my eyes open. I feel like there aren't enough pieces of me. Ever have this feeling?

You Are On My List

Scared? Well. With my parents coming from the countries they stem from, it makes sense. But I am actually referring to my to-acknowledge list. Not so much my hit list. I suppose I should say that this doesn't REMOVE you from my hit list vi only mean to say I am not pulling from my hit list. Today.
Anyway. Here are some things on my list:

Sleep 8 hours

Stop being a super spaz hyper-hypo with sugar or put myself in a helmet and harness already.

Get me to the church on time tomorrow.

Double and triple check that every step is ready for my second week as a full time teacher.

Grocery shop at Raley's. And by AT I mean online. Then I drive to their Parking lot and push their buttons in a good way.

Pick up my guitar for more than dusting. Play until my callouses remember their place.

Make menu for the month

Prep lunch items for faster packing

Make it to the gym :/

Find my list

"have any of you seen my list? It's a piece of paper and it says Ross on it"?

Butterflies Have Taken Up Residency

I don't love a queasy belly. I shouldn't have one, but I am still shady on that whole cast your cares bit. I tend to look at an overwhelming situation and escape to some of my most favorite places: Forks, Central Perk, Stars Hollow. This time I am diving into my book and God's word. I am saying, "suck it satan" when my belly rolls. (Not to be confused with my belly rolls, which I put there... and candy bars.)
I am four chapters in, and I am choosing to focus on God's promises rather than the list I feel I want to complete. Less tv. More purpose. Less nose in a book. More loving on my kids. Less hearts a flutter for a pasty vampire. More pitter patter for my pasty husband. ::blush:: Don't judge. We all have weird vices.
Happy first week of school.