This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

conversations with Eli

over the short four years my son has existed, we have had many conversations that boggle my mind. i thought i would share them. they will forever be titled "conversations with Eli"

the scene-we are getting in the car after church on sunday.

me- get in and get buckled, son.
him-but mom, did you know you have hair in your nose?
him-we all do.
me-how do you know.
him-cause i pulled one out.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

As Promised, The Grocery Store

::flasback segment::

Layla Grace-6 monthish
Isabelle-4 ish
me-the day I turned grey

It's a day like any other. We have errands to run. One including the grocery store.

We stroll into Albertson's, oh so unsuspecting. I have Eli and Layla squeeezed into the front seat normally meant for one. They are rigged, two legs in one hole and a baby blanket wedged to one side. Isabelle is walking.
I have my calculator, my list, and we are all set with goodies from the cold drink aisle. I do the usual patrolling.
"Don't take that off the shelf."
"Don't lick the cart."
Stuff like that.
About an hour or more into it we are in the home stretch with only about three aisles to go. I am at the butcher counter getting steaks for dinner. (ah the good wife) ::pat pat pat::

Suddenly, out of my apron wearing day dream, I notice a cold something or other ::drip drip drop::

What is that? ::drip::

I bend to see milk splattering under my cart.::drop::

Quite a bit of it.

"what? how did that happen?" ::drip drop::

"Elijah, what did you do?" And this is where, if he could speak, he would tell me he ate through the milk carton. Right through the plastic.
Good grief, what a mess.

I wiggle closer to the lobster tank where they provide you with free paper towels--for the dive I suppose. As it turns out they are equally handy for almost-two-year-olds.

So I get my steaks and turn around just in time to notice Layla has gnawed herself a little snack. This one is made of a different variety- same animal. Her preference is raw hamburger.

Through my disgust and her wailings of injustice, I manage to dig as much as possible out of her mouth, left wondering how much she actually ate. ew.

I notice a convenient trash receptacle nearby and deposit the remnants of her snack into the can. Just as I do my hand gets snagged on the lid. It is one of those big metal cans with the teeter tottery lids.

Life is now in slow motion. teeter, totter, teeeeetter, toooooottterrr.

The kids are crying, the butcher woman is agasp, chest heaving, and my eyes are wide as the trash can lid flies up, up, up into the air.

And me? I am spider man as I look around me, taking it all in.
Only then does the display catch my eye.

"Hello. I hadn't noticed you before."

I make a mental registry of everything as it all comes crashing to the ground. No, not paper towels, that would be too easy. I see can openers, corkscrews, wire baskets, salt and pepper shakers, thermomoters, anything metal a grocery store would carry.

Yes, it is all on this very special, metal itself, display. And it too is on the floor. All it's guts splayed for passersby.

(You know what always amazes me? how everything gets so quiet when a terrible loud noise happens.)

It feels like hours pass. Days maybe.

Isabelle is the first to speak-- and I quote "NO WAY THAT JUST HAPPENED!"
I am still too shocked to say anything. Silence.

The butcher lady comes close, places her hands on my shoulders, and says, "Just go, honey. I will take care of everything."
So I do.
I unload my children and we leave the grocery store. Grocery cart full and dripping. The Good Wife steaks warming. My reputation circling the drain.

And in my best Alex Trebek voice:
"Why dont the Brewer kids go to the grocery store?"

Saturday, August 27, 2005


when i grow up i want to be a writer. of anything. articles, novels, childrens lit, menus. whatever. i just want to write. and before you skoff at the whole menu thing i have, sadly to say, been in more than one restaurant with misspellings on the menu. that doesnt look tasty.
i am amazed with people and what they get famous for. some people who get to be published. i just dont get it. and then, let's take the music industry. due to a lack of AIR1 radio i am forced to listen to K-love, which is all right, usually. anyway, i was listening to a song on the radio and this woman was *"singing." only i couldnt make sense of her at all. she hit most of her notes, but kinda swooped up into them and made this noise at the end to give me the impression she was white, but was trying to add a little soul run at the end. as it turns out, that isnt really working for her. now i am fine with the fact that i will never be famous for my voice. broadway, as sad as this is for me to type, will never be in my future. BUT why does this woman get to be ON THE RADIO causing ear drums to shatter or even worse, causing those people out there that "sound just like the dixie chicks when i sing" to think they are actually getting better. cause heck, if they can sound like the lady on the radio!!!
wow. i dont want fame. okay, maybe that isnt completely accurate. i am very content and happy in the life i lead. i get stage fright something fierce and IF i were to get picked up as an author of anything i would have to share my salary with my editor as his/her work would be more than usual. this being said, i think i should get a chance. not like the peas. i mean at least as much as this crazy woman got.
to make things....worse isnt the word i am looking for, but my editor has the night off. worse, the guy i used to sing worship with is now making a worship CD without me. sigh. this makes me sad. i guess i will have to cling tight to the memories of singing with my dad for Jerry Lewis and those few jingles i did as a kid. my 15 minutes of fame came early. bummer.

*these are not Joey those of you non-Friends fans, you will still not know what this means. sorry.

Friday, August 26, 2005

i broke my blog

only i didnt really do it. i just showed up to speak to the masses (both of you) and it was this way. any hacker is welcome to fix this problem as it is adding to the angst that is now my attitude. along with layla saying, rather, whining slowly "mooommmyyyyyy" outside the window because eli got to the scooter first. ope, now he is done, she is off and running. .....and now she is done. all that whining for six seconds of riding! what is she a bull rider! GOOD NIGHT NURSE!

my brain is getting mushy

i know all you women (even though there are only about two of you who are bloggers) can understand this after these past few weeks with the men gone. my husband has gone on a hunting trip to be an athletic supporter for his friend mr. shaun (as my kids refer) anyway, i am only a few hours into this single mother weekend and the clock has suddenly started ticking a whoooole lot slower. i picture myself in quick sand. not that my children are suffocating me, cause i really do love them so. but you come to get used to The Man coming in the door at his particular time and you really get used to how your kids suddenly transform from these little creatures into well behaved little kids. i am convinced they do this so The Man will never really understand where i come up with it all! so as 3:30 approaches and my kids start to get antsy i have to remind them that daddy wont be home until sunday and show them...again where that lies on the calendar. for now they are good. bike riding and waiting anxiously for the neighborhood kids to make it home from school. and still high from the new prizes they earned from their own school week due to good behavior. a frisbee, a toy microphone and a soccer ball whistle. i am hoping these trinkets hold them ...and me over until sunday night. meanwhile, i am feeling a little at a loss as i usually surprise myhoney with a homeproject of some sort. once i painted the cabinets (loverly thank you for asking) once i painted everything else, and once i made new doors for our laundry room. (my favorite project) this weekend's project you ask? to find someway to fit my family into our car to buy groceries as we are out of them almost completely and my car only seats four of the five remaining brewers. ::sigh:: this one is gonna be a tricker.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

why pilates wont work for me (not for the weak hearted)

pilates (pih-lot-ees) will not work for me for the simple fact that as my husband sees me contort myself into these ahem..positions he insist the children watch a movie and we go "have a chat." then whammo i am pregnant again, and of course, if one is pregnant there is no need to pih-lot.
my question is how can i possibly make it through a day without "having a chat?" cause frankly if i dressed myself up in burlap and razor blades, i think he would just have to take the risk. silly boys

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

owed* to dylan

three days full of thank yous.
dylan, i would like to thank you for teaching me so many things in the three short days you have been here. these lessons learned are sure to stay with me forever. i am a changed person.
...knowing how to properly hold a guitar
...the new orthopedic teeth marks in my old navy flops
...that my mole on my neck doesnt wiggle
...that "my daddy is in germy"
...knowing that "my big aya has one of those"(referring to anything we talk about)
...that coloring can be scary
...that putting peanut butter on bread can be scary
...that taking your shoes off...can be scary
...that sitting down can be scary
...that holding hands while we pray can be scary
...that "my pants are wet" doesnt mean "i peed in them"
...that when you put a little green thing on the end of a pen it becomes a dancing man
...that repeating myself 70 times just might not be enough for some people
...that her name is aya GRACE!
..that my name is aya grace's mom
these things i owe to dylan. thanks man. we hate to see you go.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

not so secret, aye vickie?

you know what i hate? those commercials. dont get me wrong, i love the self confidence they teach to my daughter. i mean it takes guts to get up in front of the world to strut your "you knows" in front of everyone and look like you are enjoying it. @@
can you just imagine the phone call home. "mom i finally landed a job!!"
"oh that is great honey, doing what?"
"uh. i am a model. a hand...model or something like that."
my husbands conversation with my son went something a little more like this-
eli-stops mid sentence to oogle at the girls on the screen.
dh (dear hubby)-hee hee. what are you looking at son?
eli -those dirls (girls)
dh-moving his head between my son and the tv
eli-moving his head closer to the tv to get a closer view..eyes wide
dh-what are those girls doing?
me-turning the channel and reminding everyone how important it is to wear clothes in front of others, especially if you are going to be in a commercial. lol

not so secret, aye vickie?

why i like mike #6

he thinks i am funny. i just cant seem to get him to read my blog. i think he is scared. could he possibly like me more. maybe he is worried it will lead to more children. i can't help these things. i am already doing my part by looking for an extra big car. cripes!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

hello germans

hows the beer? prayers are still heavy here. my kids and i have been learning a little about germany. it's the green country. that might be as deep as they are letting it sink in. but they usually thank God for you right after food. that is serious man. :) church wasnt the same without you. but it went on. dont let your heads get big. just joking.
no(dot dot) el was filled and awesome. she ended with something about "who's goin with me!" she was holding a gold fish and wouldnt stop saying that. that's where she lost me.
AHAHAHAHHAAA! you had me at krispi kreme. pastor. i aint goin no wheres.
miss you all.
and someone thank that lady who said God would wake us up in the middle of the night about the people we chose to pray for. moses, what the crap were you doing at three am this morning reno time!! will you get it together please i would like to sleep tonight!
alf heater sane. :)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

to all the ones i have loved before


we, the brewers, will be praying much for you as you go. specifically that you-

do not get sick
get out of the way and let the Lord do his plan
not insist that the other people on your team do it your way
that you get lots of rest even if it is in only three hours of sleep
remember to pray for your pastor, whatever you are feeling, he is feeling it more
buy me a souvenier (okay i wont pray for this, but you know now that i want one!)
put on the full armor, it will never be needed more.
stand firm in truth
say "bah" to your comfort zone.
step out in faith, something new everyday
will see God meet you with more faith
learn to love, really, the way God intended
recognize the enemy's attacks for what they are immediately and turn your back on him.
learn mercy
edify your brothers and sisters
are not gassy, cause that is just gross
meet a very large woman named holga that takes you on a twenty mile hike just for the heck of it.
when bad things come your way you will recognize you are in God's will or the devil wouldnt be so interested
experience severe culture shock when you return and want to change your life forever.
You guys are awesome and dont have the slightest idea what God has in store for you. you said yes. you listened, asked, prayed and i am sure have seen God already moving. if not look closer.
God bless and God speed.
Lord protect our church family as they travel. Speak to every one of them and change their walk with you forever. bring them closer to you and each other. you have told us that one of us can send a legion fleeing, and so many have answered your call to go. help them to see more than just a legion flee Lord. Let there be peace and them to hear you so clearly. Protect their families while they are away. In Jesus name we pray-amen

Sunday, August 07, 2005


this is a very serious advertisement for a vehicle. we need one and i just know one of you out there has one or has seen one or will see one for our family. we have been praying specifically for a van or truck to seat 8. clearly we need one. then maybe i can fight with my husband on the way to church like everyone else for a change. DANG IT!! i mean Ball shack...wait, moses. what the crap was that saying. ball shack just sounds...different

why i like mike #5

while he listened to wynona judd sing, i can only imagine, he told my kids that "mommy, sing this song waay better than that lady." and though i wasnt there to hear him say that, they repeated it when i watched the same program later :)

...*mikey likes me. he really likes me

*my husband does not like to be called mike. **please make a note of it.
**thinks the phone recording lady is rude when she says this to me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

bull crackers

i think it is funny that my pastor mentioned "substitute" words for naughty words. he said they are really the same, which, i assume he was reffering to our heart and attitude when saying anything, especially dirty words.
some i have come up with just cause i can. i dont have the issue of potty mouthing, but i hope i dont cause any of you to stumble.
..holy buckets
..son of a nutcracker! (thanks buddy)
..bull crackers
..tom foolery...this is a favorite
..aah nutsa (my son's favorite)
..holy crap
..oh gladiolas (brent, i dont know how to spell this word..nor do i really want to)
..broccoli head cheese car drivers (what i yell when my kids are in the car to allow my road rage)
..rotten little hooker (my husbands favorite. though i am not sure what it means...well, maybe i do and i am in denial.) :/

Monday, August 01, 2005

why i like mike #4

every day when my husband comes home my kids meet him sometimes too excitedly in the garage. this day, Layla didnt quite make it out there so i was able to be in on the "yay daddy" and other welcomings. like when she, in mid "yay daddy" said, "why are you painted yellow?" she was truly interested. i chuckled not realizing she was serious. sure enough there was a snafoo with the paint sprayer at work. chuckle.
"Harry, what happened to your hair"
"Marv, why the *heck are you dressed like a chicken?"
*naughty language has been changed for the sake of my what is left of it.


this is the word i use when i am too, i dont know, funky to talk. i am in a funk tonight. i am quiet, grumpy a little, trying not to think of why things went the way they did. funk. it's how i can be annoyed but not lead to anger and sin. not stewing, it's different. if you cant understand by now, i cant help you. you arent "meant" to understand me.
there are some areas that we have been praying in and working on the obeying part of our lives with God. rather, he is working in us. being poor, it's not something you get used to you just lesson your expectations in life until lighting a candle at dinner time is a special dinner, even if it is over leftover spaghetti. it takes creativity to live this way and God has equipped me well. Thank you for that. when you are in a season you could really be done with and cant for the life of you figure out why you are still in it. lol certainly it's not YOU! right? lol it is usually me. and i dont get why i didnt get whatever it was i was supposed to get while i was in it. why is that?
anyway. we decided to be obedient and it seemed that God was answering prayers immediately. i mean let's face it, he answers prayers constantly, but these were specific prayers. very.
anyway. it worked out until about two hours before it really had the chance to work out. and didnt work out. ::sigh::
It is easy to look at someone else's situation and say "well, if it didnt work out, i am sure it just wasn't meant to be." and to all of you i say go away. i am not in the mood just yet.
maybe tomorrow.
but not now. i am busy in my funk.