This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Friday, December 30, 2005

thank you Lord

"for God so loved the world that he didn't send a committee."

thanks for enduring me, Lord. sorry it will take longer than the Israelites. :/
all prayers welcome.

oh yah.... and we are having a..... BOY! :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


soooo we spent all day on the phone with insurance regarding vasectomies and ultrasounds. what did YOU do today?
we get to find out our baby gender on thursday....any wagers.
i say girl. dont tell the man i said that! :/

Saturday, December 24, 2005

this just in!

as i am sitting here typing, i hear this strange conversation.

layla- eli can i smell your fingers
all eyes whip around to her.
dh- layla, why do you want to smell your brother's fingers?
layla- cause i wanna see if they smell, if he has been digging in his butt.
:0 WHAT!!
long pause
layla- they smelled last night.
eli-thats cause i was digging in my butt last night.

visual-during this entire conversation eli is happily shoving his fingers into layla's face.

you kiss your mother with that mouth

conversations with eli..with interjections of clarity by layla

riding along in our blue mobile-
eli-chloe brought a friend to church today and she was wearing a yellow shirt and i dont know who the hell she was, but she was in our clas...
me- >:0 what did you just say?
eli- i said chloe brought a friend to church and she was wearing a yellow....
me-no, i heard you, i just want you to tell me the words you said.
eli- (in a real slow you-are-a-little-dense-voice)* I SAAAAAID CHLOOOOOEEEE BROOOUUUGHT.....
me- ELI! you dont need to talk slowly to mommy, i want to know....
layla interrupts in a sudden and strange southernish accent- he said who in the hell. he said who in the hell. he didnt know who in the HELL...
me- AARRGH!!! STOP SAYING IT!! ::blink blink:: do you guys know the word hell is a bad word when you use it like that.
i repeat.
kids-quiet and quickly- no.
me- okay well, you know now, so no more of that. let's listen to music and take a break from stories for a little while. (had to move mirrors so kids couldnt see me cracking up)

*i wonder where he picked up on this tone....hmm. dad's can be such a rotten influence aye? :)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

it's beginning to look a lot like......

the holidays. :) aren't you all fuming that i said happy holidays rather than merry christmas. my sil ( sis-in-law) and i were discussing the funniness we feel toward the WAR ON CHRISTMAS! i feel like i need to growl out an attack noise everytime i say that.
and now all i am saying is WHO CARES?!! give peas a chance people.
on msnbc the other night three people (a priest, a christian advocate, and some other man - a little bit this sounds like the start of a great joke, aye?)
anyhoo. they were discussing the presidents cards he sent out this year and the fact that he chose happy holidays as his greeting rather than merry christmas.
advocate- (the shontell short and funnier translation SSFT) this is an outrage! he is a prodistant and people need to be hearing the words MERRY CHRISTMAS, not happy holidays. he is doing this for political gain. (side note-uum he is already in office...and cant be elected again. he could go all "bill clinton" and be, well.....bill clinton if he wanted) if i got a card from the president that said happy holidays, as a christian, i would be outraged!
priest- wow, if i got one i wouldnt open it and say "what the HECK! happy holidays?" i would say "HOLY COW I GOT A CARD FROM THE PRESIDENT!"

and in the wise words of my sil "i wouldn't even care if someone said happy hannukuh, i would just be happy that when they were talking to me, it was nice!"

"This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except here it smells like mushrooms and everyone wants to hurt me."-Buddy the Elf

Sunday, December 18, 2005


it tool me twenty minutes to open this stinkin page and now i dont really have anything to say. i am ready for a nap. mostly cause i stayed awake too late making my christmas list :) and because both babies (my inny and my outy) decided they were hungry at 5:30 this morning.

i miss being here though. much has happened since i have posted last. the worst is that marie knows more about what goes on in blog-land than i do. :/ how sad. i am so out of the loop of life. siiigh.
i have started my second trimester of baby hood and all is going well with a confirmed ONE baby in there, so all of your comments have permission to cease. :)
in addition, my fourth child has celebrated her 1st birthday (YAY ADDIE) :)
i have started a new job
in turn, the man has quit working at the Depot (and for your info, they dont offer an employee discount. isnt that strange. in the words of my sister "why would someone want to work there? to be close to tools?")
kay, gotta go, the man is on snow plow patrol and they could be calling for him. hopefully see you at church

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


my little boy is growing up.

conversation with Eli and my mother in law

eli: hmm. that's weird. (furrowed brow)
MIL: what's weird?
eli: my penis won't lay down.
MIL: uuh.well, just leave it alone. i am sure it will in a little while.

me: ROFL!!!!

Monday, November 07, 2005


If I could have dinner with one historical leader, it would have to be Gandhi, because I'd be all like, "Are you gonnaeat that?" and he'd be all like, "No." (Travis Ruetenik)



Whenever someone dies and someone elsesays they're "in a better place now,"I wonder how bad their apartment couldpossibly have been that a hole in theground would be considered a step up. (Anthony Myers)


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

oh it has been so long

yaaaawn. mid-day slump. not!!! mid-day hump as some people keep insisting. silly boys.
i need a new computer. this one keeps telling me i am not old enough to check my blogs @@. and then sometimes it tells me i dont have qualifying credentials. excuse me!

anyhoo. some funniness from prayers last night.
layla-( after i asked them to pray for a peaceful nights sleep)
dear Lord. oooh Lord. just give us a piece of sleep, please. ooh Lord.

eli- dear Jesus, please help my dad be a good boy. sometimes he is rotten. ( giggle)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Late last night, when I stumbled home drunk,
pissed off and looking for a fight, my adorable
little 4-year-old Debbie Sue ran and hid
the kitchen knives all on her own.
Kids -- they grow up so fast, don't they?

(Chris MacEachen)

Saturday, October 08, 2005

tis the season to be merry.

it's holiday times folks. time to bust out those favorite holiday movies. personally i like to get all caught up on my national lampoons around this time. "Is rusty still in the naaavy?"
that aunt bethany has still got it!
i am seeing decorations out in the local Wally World.(walmart) and even some tidbits of "getting ready" on the radio, Christmas contests and what not. ( have i ever mentioned my love for what not? any party that includes what not is goodtimes imo) anyhoo. and now i am receiving those weird random gadgets catologs in the mail. they sell hip and now things like "i'm with stupid" tee shirts and screen doors that require no assembly. but this year my catolog featured an extra special gift to give. i just really need to find that right special someone.
it is called 90 minute nude aerobics. ONLY $14.99!! what a steal. i felt strange seeing it next to the "in the cookie of life..friendship" pillow. and below the neon cross (dont you worry lou..thats got your name all over it!!)
but i feel torn between a few people that would really fit this gift. i mean of course i will use my husbands name when ordering! i have dignity! and i will give the present from the kids. but who...oh worthy of such a gift.
i think the winner has to be my dad. aaaah. my dad. one year each of the kids (all married) in my family {that's me and my three brothers} got a mysterious phone call from dad saying he sent each couple a present and to please just be open to it. i told him not to worry and would, with out opening it, stamp return to sender immediately. he promised it would be okay. a week later we each got three unmarked vhs tapes. and strangely our spouses were the only ones who felt the need to look any further. and wouldnt you know? what a giver. Dad had given the gift of "how to sunthin sunthin videos" i cant tell what an experience it is to get instructive porn from your dad. precious. it is precious. but only because it has now opened an unclosable door for ANY PRESENT WE EVER WANTED TO GET HIM!! merry christmas dad.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

i think i am gonna spew*

i think my favorite part of Mallrats has to be when Jason Lee as Brodie slaps his little dixie like cup onto the counter and tells the man to "feel'er up. no ice." this makes me laugh just to think about it. i mean, dont get me wrong, when what's his head with the picture calls shannon daugherty "Brenda" i laugh even when it is the 25th time i have watched that. i think i love this movie. which leads me to love "my name is Earl" i have it set to record regularly on my tivo.

*the writer recognizes the title has nothing to do with the content.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


i love how God can minister through music. not just during church in worship, but real, out there music. i wish i had written this song. it sums up life for me right now. i am sure many of you, moms especially, can relate. like we are just on hold while we do this parenting thing God has called us to. Lord, let my desires be for you and my children so that i am not glancing around every corner up ahead wondering if something better is coming. thanks for the confidence in me to steer so many little ones in the right direction. sorry that i am going to screw up again. in fact i am due for a wrong choice in 3..2..1..just joking. i dont want my kids to be something i did and got over with. every minute, i want to fill them with you. this morning dh and i discussed him teaching fashion sense over self esteem to our three year old. thank you for making her feel beautiful in her three sizes too big shoes. teach her that you define her, not her clothes.amen.

My hands hold safely to my dreams
clutching tightly not one has fallen
so many years i've shaped each one
reflecting my heart showing who i am
now You're asking me to show
what i'm holding oh so tightly
can't open my hands can't let go
does it matter?
should i show You?
can't You let me go?

Surrender, Surrender You whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know by can't You see?
my dreams are me, my dreams are me.

You say You have a plan for me
and that You want the best for my life
told me the world had yet to see
what You can do with one
thats committed to your calling
i know of course what i should do
that i can't hold these dreams forever
if i give my life to You
will You take them away forever?
or can i dream again?

sometimes i get so caught up in why my plan isnt working that i dont realize what i can be doing here, now. i dont want this to be my focus. i get frustrated when people impose these thoughts on me. like, you need to get away from your kids for a while, or maybe if you get a part time job you would feel like you were contributing to the family or the earth or whatever. ooh or "do you work?" yah, actually i have a job you could never do. these are things i would never say...out loud. but now any of you who ask me these questions or say these things will know what i am thinking. :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

jokes already?

I just read where the Navy is sending one of its SEAL teams to New Orleans. Frankly, I don't think the citizens of that fair city are in the mood for entertainment right now.
(Tidewater Joe)

okay. there is funny and there is wrong. i havent actually decided where this fits. ::snicker::

Monday, September 19, 2005

conversations with eli (as over heard by mom)

this was a classic. just for memory sake my son is four. ripe.

eli: mommy, can i go play outside.
me: no, cause we need to clean up a bit first.
eli: (whine, stomp, complain all under his breath)

this is the part i eavesdrop

eli: why did you have to marry mommy ( in a low mumble)
dad: what?
eli: why did you have to marry mommy?
dad: why did i marry mommy? cause i love her.
eli: she makes me so mad! (arms folded in a harrumph)
dad: me too son. me too. (giggle)
LOL thanks for the support lol. s'okay though. mike made him clean up!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

why i like mike #7

when we kiss, my nose fits perfectly into that little indentation so we don't have to turn our heads. we go together.
and for those of you with honkers instead of noses, you know this can really be an issue. especially if you go in for a fast one. for crying out loud! you could take an eye out! show a little courtesy.

Saturday, September 10, 2005


I've decided to dedicate my body to a medical school, and just before I die, I'm going to swallow a little plastic toy. That way, the medical student who cuts me open will get a nice surprise. I just hope the other medical students aren't sad because they didn't get a toy with their cadaver, too.
(Steve Young)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

black magic woman...sorta

okay so i feel i have been perfectly honest with you all about my blackheartedness. i am mean. i am that old lady at the end of the block that everyone is scared of. okay not exactly cause she isnt usually hot, BUT i just feel like i have a hard time mothering other's kids. let me rephrase. i love them plenty, but when they are crying over really dumb stuff i just want them to get over it cause honestly what's crying gonna help? ZILCHO!
like this afternoon. i am babysitting three little kids for the month of september as they are a product of track schooling and need someone to make sure they dont burn down the house while their mother continues to provide the money to pay for said house. and on she goes. we finish school, the kids leap and bound to play in the front yard and notice their front door is actually wide open. doggy missing.
my first thought " aaw, suck!" followed by an eyeroll (hidden from the children of course)
so i investigate and find that, yes, tis true. the front door is wide open and the dog has gone to find that greener grass and probably (because he is now a free male)... a piece.
my second thought "how the heck did their door get open? they must have left it open this morning." and then i add lazily as i watch them in their living room from the front yard"or maybe some crazy person has been tapping their phones and found out that i was planning on watching the kids, learned their schedule, and has now snuck into their house, stole the dog and broke their blinds. maybe i should tell the kids to stay out...hmmm..." then out loud i yell "KIDS!!! what are you thinking. get out of that house. we dont know why that door was open!!!"
then i explain that i am currently in charge of 7 kids and cant take a drive through the neighborhood to look for their dog(YAH, THATS why i wont do it), but that their own mother will be home shortly and will, i am sure, will not rest until Lobo is safely at home.
i head inside to check my emails. and unlike our apparently unpopular pastor..i have a few emails waiting. then i notice the girls are crying.
my third thought " sigh." then a quote from the Great White Hype "laugh and the world laughs with you. cry and i will give you something to cry about you little bastard."
ROFL!! i catch myself from giggling out loud just in time to pass along a hug and explain to the kids where doggies go when they get run over. AHAHAAA!! just joking. but luckily mom pulls up and wisks them away and they are now off looking for doggie..ope, they are back with and empty truck bed. maybe it was a crazy person. hmm. interesting.
ope! off again. maybe the dog called and left them a message.
my kids thoughts on the whole thing are just cracking me up-

eli-maybe someone stole him
girls --wahh. dont say that eli, it makes me cry
eli-::shrug::well it is true. but maybe we can borrow a gun from matthew ( alittle boy down the street that supplies our boys with the toy guns) and kill whoever took your dog
me -HEEY! stop talking like that!
layla-i dont like this story very much.
me- neither do i. change the subject
eli-i am a good wrestler.

convo #2
izzy-maybe he ran away to their school. courtney said he is probably at her school, that is why they are in such a rush.
layla-or maybe he ran away to somewhere better, like McDonalds.

Monday, September 05, 2005

oh yah

uuum i tag my friend no(dot dot)el, her ginormous man moses, and Laura? do you have a blog?
the rest of you..i am just scared i think, to know more about you.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

tag? goodness. okay i'll play

i have apparently been tagged by a friend. this means i am to disclose 5 quirk seeming things or unkown things about my person or mind. havent i done this enough in my 51 previous blogs? anyhoo, then i tag someone else and they tag and they tag...get it?

quirk 1- i sang with jerry Lewis many times as a child. probably 5 or so. he was old and chubby. these are the things i remember about him.i also sang on a handful of commercials and have done some odd singing work for my dad on occassion. oh and i cant forget to mention Larry. i was a back up singer for a very skinny man named Larry, who for some reason thought my friend was a lesbo and he could never say his words unless he were about 2 inches from my face. spittle and all. sail out larry. sail out.( i would mention that i went on a shopping spree with mark mcgrath and sang Grease numbers and i took pictures of the lady standing behind him scratching her butt with a back massager, but i will save that for a whole nother time. AHAHAAA ::wink::)

quirk 2- i think my husband would look even hotter if he were parked outside my window on a john deer lawn mower, straw in the mouth, sporting a snug white tee shirt, boots, and a kenny chesney hat....holy cow i have to stop and finish this later! the children are in the room

quirk 3- i like my hair. i have always liked my curls. i could be like that lady from ferris beuller that just keeps pulling those pencils out of her hair.

quirk 4- i want to learn to play every string instrument out there. is anyone teaching guitar for a small group? i have my own guitar even. can't i come? violin, cello, whatever. i wanna learn.

quirk 5- you get dumber as i get closer to my...ahem "womenly time." but then i guess that is your quirk not mine.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

conversations with Eli

over the short four years my son has existed, we have had many conversations that boggle my mind. i thought i would share them. they will forever be titled "conversations with Eli"

the scene-we are getting in the car after church on sunday.

me- get in and get buckled, son.
him-but mom, did you know you have hair in your nose?
him-we all do.
me-how do you know.
him-cause i pulled one out.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

As Promised, The Grocery Store

::flasback segment::

Layla Grace-6 monthish
Isabelle-4 ish
me-the day I turned grey

It's a day like any other. We have errands to run. One including the grocery store.

We stroll into Albertson's, oh so unsuspecting. I have Eli and Layla squeeezed into the front seat normally meant for one. They are rigged, two legs in one hole and a baby blanket wedged to one side. Isabelle is walking.
I have my calculator, my list, and we are all set with goodies from the cold drink aisle. I do the usual patrolling.
"Don't take that off the shelf."
"Don't lick the cart."
Stuff like that.
About an hour or more into it we are in the home stretch with only about three aisles to go. I am at the butcher counter getting steaks for dinner. (ah the good wife) ::pat pat pat::

Suddenly, out of my apron wearing day dream, I notice a cold something or other ::drip drip drop::

What is that? ::drip::

I bend to see milk splattering under my cart.::drop::

Quite a bit of it.

"what? how did that happen?" ::drip drop::

"Elijah, what did you do?" And this is where, if he could speak, he would tell me he ate through the milk carton. Right through the plastic.
Good grief, what a mess.

I wiggle closer to the lobster tank where they provide you with free paper towels--for the dive I suppose. As it turns out they are equally handy for almost-two-year-olds.

So I get my steaks and turn around just in time to notice Layla has gnawed herself a little snack. This one is made of a different variety- same animal. Her preference is raw hamburger.

Through my disgust and her wailings of injustice, I manage to dig as much as possible out of her mouth, left wondering how much she actually ate. ew.

I notice a convenient trash receptacle nearby and deposit the remnants of her snack into the can. Just as I do my hand gets snagged on the lid. It is one of those big metal cans with the teeter tottery lids.

Life is now in slow motion. teeter, totter, teeeeetter, toooooottterrr.

The kids are crying, the butcher woman is agasp, chest heaving, and my eyes are wide as the trash can lid flies up, up, up into the air.

And me? I am spider man as I look around me, taking it all in.
Only then does the display catch my eye.

"Hello. I hadn't noticed you before."

I make a mental registry of everything as it all comes crashing to the ground. No, not paper towels, that would be too easy. I see can openers, corkscrews, wire baskets, salt and pepper shakers, thermomoters, anything metal a grocery store would carry.

Yes, it is all on this very special, metal itself, display. And it too is on the floor. All it's guts splayed for passersby.

(You know what always amazes me? how everything gets so quiet when a terrible loud noise happens.)

It feels like hours pass. Days maybe.

Isabelle is the first to speak-- and I quote "NO WAY THAT JUST HAPPENED!"
I am still too shocked to say anything. Silence.

The butcher lady comes close, places her hands on my shoulders, and says, "Just go, honey. I will take care of everything."
So I do.
I unload my children and we leave the grocery store. Grocery cart full and dripping. The Good Wife steaks warming. My reputation circling the drain.

And in my best Alex Trebek voice:
"Why dont the Brewer kids go to the grocery store?"

Saturday, August 27, 2005


when i grow up i want to be a writer. of anything. articles, novels, childrens lit, menus. whatever. i just want to write. and before you skoff at the whole menu thing i have, sadly to say, been in more than one restaurant with misspellings on the menu. that doesnt look tasty.
i am amazed with people and what they get famous for. some people who get to be published. i just dont get it. and then, let's take the music industry. due to a lack of AIR1 radio i am forced to listen to K-love, which is all right, usually. anyway, i was listening to a song on the radio and this woman was *"singing." only i couldnt make sense of her at all. she hit most of her notes, but kinda swooped up into them and made this noise at the end to give me the impression she was white, but was trying to add a little soul run at the end. as it turns out, that isnt really working for her. now i am fine with the fact that i will never be famous for my voice. broadway, as sad as this is for me to type, will never be in my future. BUT why does this woman get to be ON THE RADIO causing ear drums to shatter or even worse, causing those people out there that "sound just like the dixie chicks when i sing" to think they are actually getting better. cause heck, if they can sound like the lady on the radio!!!
wow. i dont want fame. okay, maybe that isnt completely accurate. i am very content and happy in the life i lead. i get stage fright something fierce and IF i were to get picked up as an author of anything i would have to share my salary with my editor as his/her work would be more than usual. this being said, i think i should get a chance. not like the peas. i mean at least as much as this crazy woman got.
to make things....worse isnt the word i am looking for, but my editor has the night off. worse, the guy i used to sing worship with is now making a worship CD without me. sigh. this makes me sad. i guess i will have to cling tight to the memories of singing with my dad for Jerry Lewis and those few jingles i did as a kid. my 15 minutes of fame came early. bummer.

*these are not Joey those of you non-Friends fans, you will still not know what this means. sorry.

Friday, August 26, 2005

i broke my blog

only i didnt really do it. i just showed up to speak to the masses (both of you) and it was this way. any hacker is welcome to fix this problem as it is adding to the angst that is now my attitude. along with layla saying, rather, whining slowly "mooommmyyyyyy" outside the window because eli got to the scooter first. ope, now he is done, she is off and running. .....and now she is done. all that whining for six seconds of riding! what is she a bull rider! GOOD NIGHT NURSE!

my brain is getting mushy

i know all you women (even though there are only about two of you who are bloggers) can understand this after these past few weeks with the men gone. my husband has gone on a hunting trip to be an athletic supporter for his friend mr. shaun (as my kids refer) anyway, i am only a few hours into this single mother weekend and the clock has suddenly started ticking a whoooole lot slower. i picture myself in quick sand. not that my children are suffocating me, cause i really do love them so. but you come to get used to The Man coming in the door at his particular time and you really get used to how your kids suddenly transform from these little creatures into well behaved little kids. i am convinced they do this so The Man will never really understand where i come up with it all! so as 3:30 approaches and my kids start to get antsy i have to remind them that daddy wont be home until sunday and show them...again where that lies on the calendar. for now they are good. bike riding and waiting anxiously for the neighborhood kids to make it home from school. and still high from the new prizes they earned from their own school week due to good behavior. a frisbee, a toy microphone and a soccer ball whistle. i am hoping these trinkets hold them ...and me over until sunday night. meanwhile, i am feeling a little at a loss as i usually surprise myhoney with a homeproject of some sort. once i painted the cabinets (loverly thank you for asking) once i painted everything else, and once i made new doors for our laundry room. (my favorite project) this weekend's project you ask? to find someway to fit my family into our car to buy groceries as we are out of them almost completely and my car only seats four of the five remaining brewers. ::sigh:: this one is gonna be a tricker.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

why pilates wont work for me (not for the weak hearted)

pilates (pih-lot-ees) will not work for me for the simple fact that as my husband sees me contort myself into these ahem..positions he insist the children watch a movie and we go "have a chat." then whammo i am pregnant again, and of course, if one is pregnant there is no need to pih-lot.
my question is how can i possibly make it through a day without "having a chat?" cause frankly if i dressed myself up in burlap and razor blades, i think he would just have to take the risk. silly boys

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

owed* to dylan

three days full of thank yous.
dylan, i would like to thank you for teaching me so many things in the three short days you have been here. these lessons learned are sure to stay with me forever. i am a changed person.
...knowing how to properly hold a guitar
...the new orthopedic teeth marks in my old navy flops
...that my mole on my neck doesnt wiggle
...that "my daddy is in germy"
...knowing that "my big aya has one of those"(referring to anything we talk about)
...that coloring can be scary
...that putting peanut butter on bread can be scary
...that taking your shoes off...can be scary
...that sitting down can be scary
...that holding hands while we pray can be scary
...that "my pants are wet" doesnt mean "i peed in them"
...that when you put a little green thing on the end of a pen it becomes a dancing man
...that repeating myself 70 times just might not be enough for some people
...that her name is aya GRACE!
..that my name is aya grace's mom
these things i owe to dylan. thanks man. we hate to see you go.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

not so secret, aye vickie?

you know what i hate? those commercials. dont get me wrong, i love the self confidence they teach to my daughter. i mean it takes guts to get up in front of the world to strut your "you knows" in front of everyone and look like you are enjoying it. @@
can you just imagine the phone call home. "mom i finally landed a job!!"
"oh that is great honey, doing what?"
"uh. i am a model. a hand...model or something like that."
my husbands conversation with my son went something a little more like this-
eli-stops mid sentence to oogle at the girls on the screen.
dh (dear hubby)-hee hee. what are you looking at son?
eli -those dirls (girls)
dh-moving his head between my son and the tv
eli-moving his head closer to the tv to get a closer view..eyes wide
dh-what are those girls doing?
me-turning the channel and reminding everyone how important it is to wear clothes in front of others, especially if you are going to be in a commercial. lol

not so secret, aye vickie?

why i like mike #6

he thinks i am funny. i just cant seem to get him to read my blog. i think he is scared. could he possibly like me more. maybe he is worried it will lead to more children. i can't help these things. i am already doing my part by looking for an extra big car. cripes!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

hello germans

hows the beer? prayers are still heavy here. my kids and i have been learning a little about germany. it's the green country. that might be as deep as they are letting it sink in. but they usually thank God for you right after food. that is serious man. :) church wasnt the same without you. but it went on. dont let your heads get big. just joking.
no(dot dot) el was filled and awesome. she ended with something about "who's goin with me!" she was holding a gold fish and wouldnt stop saying that. that's where she lost me.
AHAHAHAHHAAA! you had me at krispi kreme. pastor. i aint goin no wheres.
miss you all.
and someone thank that lady who said God would wake us up in the middle of the night about the people we chose to pray for. moses, what the crap were you doing at three am this morning reno time!! will you get it together please i would like to sleep tonight!
alf heater sane. :)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

to all the ones i have loved before


we, the brewers, will be praying much for you as you go. specifically that you-

do not get sick
get out of the way and let the Lord do his plan
not insist that the other people on your team do it your way
that you get lots of rest even if it is in only three hours of sleep
remember to pray for your pastor, whatever you are feeling, he is feeling it more
buy me a souvenier (okay i wont pray for this, but you know now that i want one!)
put on the full armor, it will never be needed more.
stand firm in truth
say "bah" to your comfort zone.
step out in faith, something new everyday
will see God meet you with more faith
learn to love, really, the way God intended
recognize the enemy's attacks for what they are immediately and turn your back on him.
learn mercy
edify your brothers and sisters
are not gassy, cause that is just gross
meet a very large woman named holga that takes you on a twenty mile hike just for the heck of it.
when bad things come your way you will recognize you are in God's will or the devil wouldnt be so interested
experience severe culture shock when you return and want to change your life forever.
You guys are awesome and dont have the slightest idea what God has in store for you. you said yes. you listened, asked, prayed and i am sure have seen God already moving. if not look closer.
God bless and God speed.
Lord protect our church family as they travel. Speak to every one of them and change their walk with you forever. bring them closer to you and each other. you have told us that one of us can send a legion fleeing, and so many have answered your call to go. help them to see more than just a legion flee Lord. Let there be peace and them to hear you so clearly. Protect their families while they are away. In Jesus name we pray-amen

Sunday, August 07, 2005


this is a very serious advertisement for a vehicle. we need one and i just know one of you out there has one or has seen one or will see one for our family. we have been praying specifically for a van or truck to seat 8. clearly we need one. then maybe i can fight with my husband on the way to church like everyone else for a change. DANG IT!! i mean Ball shack...wait, moses. what the crap was that saying. ball shack just sounds...different

why i like mike #5

while he listened to wynona judd sing, i can only imagine, he told my kids that "mommy, sing this song waay better than that lady." and though i wasnt there to hear him say that, they repeated it when i watched the same program later :)

...*mikey likes me. he really likes me

*my husband does not like to be called mike. **please make a note of it.
**thinks the phone recording lady is rude when she says this to me.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

bull crackers

i think it is funny that my pastor mentioned "substitute" words for naughty words. he said they are really the same, which, i assume he was reffering to our heart and attitude when saying anything, especially dirty words.
some i have come up with just cause i can. i dont have the issue of potty mouthing, but i hope i dont cause any of you to stumble.
..holy buckets
..son of a nutcracker! (thanks buddy)
..bull crackers
..tom foolery...this is a favorite
..aah nutsa (my son's favorite)
..holy crap
..oh gladiolas (brent, i dont know how to spell this word..nor do i really want to)
..broccoli head cheese car drivers (what i yell when my kids are in the car to allow my road rage)
..rotten little hooker (my husbands favorite. though i am not sure what it means...well, maybe i do and i am in denial.) :/

Monday, August 01, 2005

why i like mike #4

every day when my husband comes home my kids meet him sometimes too excitedly in the garage. this day, Layla didnt quite make it out there so i was able to be in on the "yay daddy" and other welcomings. like when she, in mid "yay daddy" said, "why are you painted yellow?" she was truly interested. i chuckled not realizing she was serious. sure enough there was a snafoo with the paint sprayer at work. chuckle.
"Harry, what happened to your hair"
"Marv, why the *heck are you dressed like a chicken?"
*naughty language has been changed for the sake of my what is left of it.


this is the word i use when i am too, i dont know, funky to talk. i am in a funk tonight. i am quiet, grumpy a little, trying not to think of why things went the way they did. funk. it's how i can be annoyed but not lead to anger and sin. not stewing, it's different. if you cant understand by now, i cant help you. you arent "meant" to understand me.
there are some areas that we have been praying in and working on the obeying part of our lives with God. rather, he is working in us. being poor, it's not something you get used to you just lesson your expectations in life until lighting a candle at dinner time is a special dinner, even if it is over leftover spaghetti. it takes creativity to live this way and God has equipped me well. Thank you for that. when you are in a season you could really be done with and cant for the life of you figure out why you are still in it. lol certainly it's not YOU! right? lol it is usually me. and i dont get why i didnt get whatever it was i was supposed to get while i was in it. why is that?
anyway. we decided to be obedient and it seemed that God was answering prayers immediately. i mean let's face it, he answers prayers constantly, but these were specific prayers. very.
anyway. it worked out until about two hours before it really had the chance to work out. and didnt work out. ::sigh::
It is easy to look at someone else's situation and say "well, if it didnt work out, i am sure it just wasn't meant to be." and to all of you i say go away. i am not in the mood just yet.
maybe tomorrow.
but not now. i am busy in my funk.

Friday, July 29, 2005

bob the builder

my son is obsessed with building things. i am trying to be an athletic supporter but he insists on using my shoe rack from my closet and the tv dinner trays. these already have a purpose. i dont know why he feels the need to change them.
so i have decided to buy him a stash of scrap wood that he may hammer, nail and saw at his leisure. we have insurance now so what the heck? ya know?

Thursday, July 28, 2005

tick tock

my birthday is still a ways away (October 30th, mark your calendars) but it is an important one. not 30, certainly not 40 or 18. I am turning 29. I feel this is a big one because it is the last of the twenties, clearly. I like to reflect, but even more so I like to set goals. so here are my goals for the year of 29.
finish reading the rest of the new testament and breeze through the old (ha)
redistribute about ten pounds and acquire at least a smidge of muscle mass
be able to do twenty real sit ups
and ten boy pushups
floss regularly
floss my kids regularly
keep my car clean without having to get rid of my kids
read everything put out by Chuck Swindoll (chuck, can I call you chuck?)
sit and read, alone, with a pillow, and no children and not about children or marriages. about nonsense or my own interests, not shared with family members.
be published twice in a scrapbook magazine
read nightly for at least 1/2 hour with my family
read at least 40 books off my book list
return my library books on time
become a designer for at least one big name scrapbook company
scrap 400 pages (I am not joking)
set up weekly date nights with my husband, babysitter and everything.
compliment my husband no matter how awkward it seems in the beginning and no matter how much fun he makes of me when I do it.
be the initiator..of everything, fishing trips, kisses, etc., guy nights
learn to pray consistently and specifically
get back into rock climbing and rappelling and in turn grow a bicep or two
get my own rappelling shoes
celebrate my ten year anniversary with dh (dear hubby) happily
save enough money to really celebrate via a cruise to Italy or Alaska ( i havent decide where just yet)
be obedient in the areas God has called me to (being content in my role as a mom and wife, tithe AND offer, etc.)
get a new computer that lets me print-
can someone print this list out for me..clearly I have issues.

the pressure

i feel so much pressure BRENT, to post something everyday now. I DONT LIKE ALL THIS YELLING!!!
actually i rather enjoy yelling. it the Italian in me. so i dedicate this blog to my husband. why i like mike #3. he lets me yell and then yells back. it's good times around here.
stop by for a donut sometime. they are free if they havent already been eaten.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

the big offense

i feel i offend people regular and i like it usually. i mean, if i mean it. which, if you know me, heh heh. but i was never trying to offend anyone when i started inviting people to join my bible study for this fall. i mean i get it. if someone invites you to a weight loss focused Bible study you have to wonder what they saw in you to invite you aye? so this goes out to all the ladies.
all you ladies out there who need a little shout out cause i gave you a special little paper. i didnt mean anything by it other than we could all stand to live a little more Christ centered. honest abe i wasnt calling anyone fat.
somehow i dont know if i am making the situation better. so i will just stick to praying for God to speak to the right people to join us.

Shut up already!

Sometimes I get a little protective. Overly so. I was raised with a lot of testosterone so it seems to make sense. But I get ready for war when I feel like one of my kids needs protecting. For instance, this evening. We have many kids on our block and one of the girls decided to take two of the four of them to swim in her backyard. Thus leaving isabelle right in the middle of their playing time alone in our yard. They didn't invite her but each ran to their homes to ask if they could swim at the instigators house. To make matters worse, one of the mothers who was completely aware that her daughters were being selfish and rude made up an entire story to isabelle and my husband about how she "forgot" the girls already had a play date scheduled. What ever lady. Don't make me come over there.
so I get home and this has all happened and my daughter (much better looking than all those girls) is sad facing it on the porch and our hands are tied because of stupid parents. So we talked with Izzy about what it means to be a good friend and to remember this time so she will never be the one leaving people out and that some grown ups are dumb. Only we said it nicely.
then the stewing set in. As I am making meatballs and preparing dinner, scenarios are spinning through my head.
me to the moms- I think it is important for us to teach our girls how to be a good friend and this has happened a couple times. Do you mind talking to your girls about this.
the moms-well I Don't see anything wrong with it. They Don't always have to play together.
me to the moms-oh I am sorry I thought you were the grown up here. Is your mommy home.
so I prayed. Big step. I usually have about ten more scenarios before I turn to this method.
but feeling God wanting to teach me something, I stopped "talking" and started praying.
God, thank you for being bigger than this silly situation. Thank you for helping me to teach Isabelle the importance of being a good friend. Thank you for our prayers together tonight and forgive my creativity when it gets the best of me. Help me to be merciful to the dumb people. Just kidding. Thanks for being merciful to me. Help me to live it. amen

Thursday, July 21, 2005

time to tottle off

i am zauhsted. i am a professional burning, but not really burning, bush maker. g'night.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

the countdown

i am counting down the days and soon the hours until my brother and his wife visit. they are the abnormal sort of family you really want to come visit and never leave. if i could figure out a way to have Reno and them i would. maybe i could eat them.
along those notes there is a woman at our church in Vegas that said, upon meeting our baby, that she would love to "crack open her little peanut head and eat it." then i am pretty sure she licked her lips. have you met people like this? they seem to be making a complimentary statement but all you really want to do is grab your child and run away. quickly.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

what being a little sister means to me

i am the youngest of four children. five if you include my father and many times you need to. i am the only girl. this sets the stage I feel.
growing up i have been the one. you know what i mean?
the one who:
got beat up
had her hair flushed down the toilet
had the toy shark stuffed down her throat
had the brother who drove her hickey giving boyfriend home...alone.
had dates with her older brothers..not in a creepy way
got conned too many times to climb on the roof for the preverbial water balloon fight only to be stranded till her parents got home. just long enough to be in trouble for being on the roof.
had to lock herself in the bathroom so many times the door finally gave way and could eventually bend enough at the bottom to climb through while it remained locked because of all the ramming her brothers would do to the outside of it. mysterious.
had brothers teach her to pee standing up.
was told repeatedly that she was a robot and was going to turn off in three hours.
was told repeatedly that "you are in a coma. all of this is a dream. none of it is really happening. wake up Shontell, why wont you just wake up. we miss you!"

but now. i get to return the favors. like this weekend. my brother is coming in town and we are having a birthday party for our turtle. i love you too Kristopher. it feels good to give a little.

Turtle town

well its school days again. we are learning about turtles this week. we are co-oping with some other families. of whom are not really all normal. take for instance the one little boy who was wrestling and his mom yells "he is a little older than you boys. his privates really hurt when you kick them so be careful!" yikes.
oh and my turtle bit someone today. it was MR. Developed's little brother. go figure.

why i like mike #2

he says we can have another baby as long as it is boy....wait WHAT!!! did i just put this under a reason to like my husband. i think he is slipping me something. ACK!!! that didnt come out right.

Monday, July 18, 2005

why i like mike #1

self addressed labels make him very happy.

Just nonsense

Last night my dad and I were discussing great advertisements. It has been decided that the Burger King commercials with that giant king head guy are genius. You know it is burger king before the man even pulls back the covers LOL. This commercial still cracks me up. I want to read that advertiser man's blog. He is a genius in my book. In fact I only let geniuses IN to my book. Well, and maybe one or two others. Just not men with highway patrol mustaches. They disturb me.
..Meow, do you know why I pulled you over? meow .

Saturday, July 16, 2005


my friend Lindsie Banning named her cat and passed on her last name. Boo Banning. is this normal.

..loves her friend Lindsie var-mooch (drunken for very much)

me thinks

i want a cool accent. i want to be able to say "Pesto Bismal" and Me thinks about what ever i want. ooh or domeenos. this is how my old youth pastor talks. he is from puerto rico. he was great. not know our youth pastor now. AHAHAHAH just joking moses. Moses? can you hear me from down there? is it hot. ooh watch out for that pitch fork. they look pokey.
where is my friend and what have you done with her?

..giggling cause the spell check recommended "fishmeal" instead of "Bismal." interesting

queen of refuse...queen of muck

is there anything nastier than the bathroom trash? ew.

the wheel

sigh. still hasnt emailed or written. the other day eli said "mom, the mail man is at their house," as he pointed to the neighbors. "Are they getting a box?"
"i dunno."
"well i think the mail man is going to stop at our house today and give you a box that says WE WANT YOU ON THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE!" he said very excitedly.
"really? you are too cute. will you still love me if i dont ever get on the show?" i ask.
"yah, but you are just so good at that show." he pauses. "too bad for them." and then he hugs me. :) who needs the wheel


Friday, July 15, 2005

ten years

as my ten year reunion steadily approaches, and i look into these aging eyes, i have to wonder like most, i am sure, where did the time go? what have i accomplished? feeling nastolgic i pull out my old year books. my husband and i graduated a year apart but from the same school so we have duplicates. well, his books are full of his memories. And mine are full of my memories. there are a lot of signatures. many i dont actually remember. bits and pieces maybe, but nothing significant. i remember the kid with the tongue piercing. so "against all the rules" then. now it is more commonplace. he never talked to me just stuck his tongue out every time he passed me in the hall. the year my parents separated and eventually divorced. i started out at school with my friends, left and then came back. a lot of people were glad to have me back at the end of that year. that feels good to read.
through pictures i remember being class president. pajama day, spirit week and volleyball. number #3. it was as close to 23 as they could give me. (MJ all the way)
because i wrote it down i remember i was going to be a teacher, a mom, a wife. i was going to go to college, write books for a little money on the side and maybe do community theatre. musicals. my favorite. maybe new york.
as i continue the plunge into those lost memories two papers wiggle their way out of the dusty pages. land in my lap. my wedding vows. we wrote our own. tears already. mine was a poem, cheesy and about my love. probably half plagorized. his was perfect. one sheet of notebook paper, front and back. yellowing already. it was about how excited i was that he made me pancakes and that he loves me for being weird, and being different than "the others."
i didnt accomplish everything on my list for life. but this one i got right. God gave me this one.
i love you honey.

what are you reading?

Nehemiah, proverbs, a psalm a day, and hebrews
First Place
angela's Ashes
Harry Potter and the sorcerer's stone
100 languages of children
the five love languages
ahab's wife.
i think that is it...
oh wait the kids and i are reading The Littles

Thursday, July 14, 2005

air conditioners

are a thing of inner beauty. ours broke yesterday so my outer beauty was...well, not up to snuff.
what does that mean exactly? no...i mean i am asking! what does "up to snuff" mean. although in the book i am reading the old Irish ladies shoved a bit of it up the boys' noses. ew.
...air conditioner is fixed. Praise the Lord

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


i just love that sesame street has a sign of the day. i just learned the sign for exercise. now i can teach my kids to say "i dont like to exercise."or "if you dont stop being a psycho, I am going to make you exercise."or" it wasnt nice to tell that lady she needs to exercise." but i will have to wait until we are far away for that last one. what if she is fluent in the language and it just burns her all over again and then she eats me.
..going to hell with moses

another great difference. i love diversity

I have this crazy quirk where I leave an inch of coffee in my mug before I fill up a second cup so the second cup isn't too hot to drink right off the bat. I also have a guy chained up in my basement, but isn't that coffee thing quirky?
(Travis Ruetenik)


i broke my blog. :/


hurt me. i dont have this sort of brain. sigh

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances—to choose one's own way. "
Victor Frankl

deep thoughts, with Addy Handy

she doesnt talk. not on purpose or with understanding anyway.
this is pretty much what we think is going on in there.
us:aw, you are so cute
addy: grrrr (stop saying that. i have four teeth)
us:say mommy, say mommy, say mommy
addy:grrrrrrrr (you keep saying that word. i dont think it means what you think it means.)


hey Pastor,
i borrowed your stapler..and then jammed it. but dont worry!! i was raised on Macgyver. i was able to fix it with a pot of hot water, some newspaper and a shoe string. wait. that was something different. CRAP i knew i forgot something!!.

too much of a good thing

i think that too much creativity is painful. sometimes literally. my hand is bruised from whacking the stapler so many times this week. anyone else? lol. between church stuff and decorating my kids "classroom"/bedroom i am just about tapped out. so much so that i think something leaked out of my head when i tried to come up with a meal for dinner. i had to turn to a cook book. i am Italian! I DONT COOK BOOK!


120 miles!! in one day. you go lance armstrong. my crotch hurts just thinking about it. and i am a woman. i cant even make sense of it all. the logistics seem...askew. lol

Monday, July 11, 2005

bzzzzzy as a bee

what does that mean really? i mean i get it. they are busy, but why do they get the corner on that saying?frankly as a stay at home mom, when i am done laying around the house, eating bon bons and soakin up my soaps i am a very busy person. more hours in my day? i almost dont even want to think about what i would do, or i may become bitter and wonder why God made these short 24 hours in a day days. pure silliness if you ask me.
hmm lets see- more hours for my day would include
more hours for scrapping
more hours for coming up with my own line of scrap supplies and working on getting published
uh-more hours for sleep, but not just any sleep. the kind you get when you are worn out exhausted and nothing can stir you, not even pancakes.
more hours for reading every cross reference in my Bible for the chapter that day. seriously, have you people tried this. sheer craziness.
more hours for listening to books on tape.
more hours to snuggle with my kids.
more hours to "pray" with my husband. not your average prayers. more like the romeo and juliet kind. those two knew how to work it..well, sorta
more hours to think of what to do with my time. :)
more hours for doodling. i really like doodling.
more hours to sing in the shower.


you know what isnt easy?jnnmjhjkbgghj./l;l..... typing with a 7month old on your lap

Monday, July 04, 2005

for rent

one cute but snooty 7 year old girl. when do they get that mouth? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! i dont talk like that. not since i was like..i dunno thirteen lol. ALL RIGHT!! i get it! sheesh! but knowing where it came from doesnt make it all better. how do i stop that?
i talked to her nicely about hurting her friends feelings and she is on her way to apologize and invite her back. HA!! i remember when my mom used to make me do stuff like that. how embarrasing. lol i am glad to be passing it on. noooow, what was that saying i hated? oh yah "cause i am the mom, that's why!"

just sit as still as you possibly can

my #2 brother is a pastor. one time he told me he can always tell the people who dont tithe because they start to wiggle when he starts talking about tithing. so sunday when my own pastor began talking about loving one another i had to keep chanting in my mind "just sit as still as you possibly can. possibly can. sit as still. as you possibly can." he he. ::shrug:: what do you do? God says he gives us different gifts, aye? my family is still trying to find the compassionate one out of our bunch. we may have to look into adopting.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

i have been replaced as the funny one

so, i am sitting on the couch. Layla (3yo) is running around the living room, mostly in circles.
me: did you get your helmet?
Layla: -making nonsense noises
me: Layla, did you get your helmet. (no answer, so repeat)
Layla: i can't find it KIP!

i look over at dh. did she just call me kip? as in the nerdy brother from napoleon? sigh.
maybe they have watched that movie a few too many times.

in the beginning

well, in the beginning I was just me. then in the middle it was me and mike. now ...and I am not calling this the end LOL, but we seem to be multiplying. four kids. I don't think God knows me as much as people say. some days I feel a little like miss hanigan. only we have a boy in the mix..oh and I don't think I have ever made booze in my bathtub OR kissed a radio. "little girls, little girls, everywhere I eat sleep and breeeeaathe them." sing this in a drunken slur. oh and I don't really drink much.
you know what I don't get? if you stick around you may see this is a recurring question. I don't get why preschoolers learn through repetition. I mean I get it. sponges right? but can't they learn SOME things the first time. like that yelling "HEEEY" isn't the best way to get a sibling to stop. this is the music in my house.
I have decided the people that say "aw. cherish these moments. they will fly by,"haven't spent enough time around little children lately. LOL I do love kids not the people. I just like to love them from a distance sometimes. thank you Bette midler. you said it all so well