So. I am over this way of life. There was a time when things would come at me, and I would deal with as much as I felt I could handle, and then I turned into this guy. Only usually I stick my head in a book or one of my favorite television shows. Either way I am a mess. The stress of life gets to be too much, so I lose myself in someone else's make believe. It felt like escape for so long, but really, the only thing I have accomplished is creating a weight of inevitability. That thing? The heavy, scary, I don't want to deal with it thing is still out there. Still needs my attention.
This time when my husband called so early on a Monday morning with news of ANOTHER lay off announcement, I went to my book shelf. My favorite go-to for hard times. And as I stood there pondering, "Do I want to read Twilight again? It's so easy. It requires nothing of my brain. Or maybe I want to go crazy and read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Nah. Could I handle my newly purchased copy of The Count of Monte Cristo?" No. Definitely not in that place..." And then God trumped me. He broke into my doubt and fear and incessant book choosing ponder and said, "Is this really where you want to find your answers? Is this really the best place for you? I have so much to say."
Had you been standing next to me, you probably would have laughed aloud at the slump my shoulders took. It was as if I was a cartoon character. Charlie Brown when he realizes the only thing he got for all his work at Halloween was a rock. Shoulder slump city. I didn't even pick my feet up all the way as I schlepped my way back to my room, dramatically threw myself upon my pillow, and sighed a long and hefty sigh. But at least I wasn't dramatic. But I did it. I chose my Bible and I have kept choosing it since. In fact, since then I have started leading a Bible study, joined an online Bible study, and I have kept up with my assigned reading from my pastor for work.
Try and hit me Napoleon.
I am going to keep my nose in my Bible and my eyes on God and my heart wrapped around God's promises. I might still be a mess, but I am God's mess.
STOP
I am participating in Five Minute Friday. You can too. The rules are simple. Write for five minutes on her given topic and post a link up with her friends.
Today's topic is "mess." Yah. That fits. Be sure to visit a few links on there to show the love.
God's Sweaty Mess,
Shontell
5 comments:
I do that too, only my version of "head in the sand" is "escape to the internet". Blogging, facebook, etc. It doesn't usually help. (Sometimes blogging does a bit.) I've been working on it though and realize that I like my life (and myself) a little better when I face the difficulties and don't try to hide.
It's definitely a choice. That's what I am finishing. Choice.
It is a choice we all have to make. I love yours! Thank you so much for your words today and to remind me that I too, can make that choice.
"I might be a mess but I am God's mess" - I love that quote, so true.
Hi Shontell, it's your old friend Charlotte here! :) I love when I randomly decide go and read your blog, you should have told me about this while we were in school. When budget cuts were happening in Reno I moved out to Battle Mountain. I love it here! There is an opening for ELL Teacher, lots of jobs and amazing churches! I would love to see a teacher like you here with the ELL kids---what a difference you would make! Mike would have a good job also I know it! Anyway sending positive thoughts your way, God is on your side.
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