January

Whirlwind has got nothing on us. When's the last time I cleaned properly? Couldn't say. Changed my sheets? Probably a couple weeks. Sat face to face with my first husband? Can't remember. January has a knack for rushing in and sweeping us up, doesn't it? 

A co-worker stopped mid-sentence today and said, "what the heck? Is next week really February?"

"Yes. Ridiculous," I replied wearily. 

I'm refusing to believe it just flashed by me. I won't accept that it whizzed around like one of those janky firecrackers we threw around when I was a kid. I think they were called flowers. I'm taking stock. I'm archiving our accomplishments.  I'm inventorying my blessings:

My daughter posed for senior pictures. And she's beautiful, so I stared at them for a smallish eternity. 

Then she had the nerve to pass her driving test. Come tomorrow, she will be insured and driving herself to school come 9 aye em. I love this and hate it at all the same time. 

I did in fact date my favorite boyfriends. Several times actually. 

I've made it to the gym 18 out of 28 days. 

I've more than doubled my rate of gym days. 

I applied to and was accepted to begin a master's in theology with an emphasis in urban ministries at Grand Canyon University. I begin tomorrow. 

I fully and completely edited 6 chapters of my book. I know those mean the same thing. It's irony. I'm working on adding literary elements to my writing. 

Layla Grace was a boss at shooting on her rifle team. She took bronze in the junior Olympics. Bronze. She also is the number one shooter in the state at the JV level. Don't make her mad. Just don't. 

I realized I can't do every ambitious adventure, so I've stepped back, and let go of, and reclaimed my dreams and Involvment. 

I know it doesn't seem like it when you look up there at that crazy list, but I really have said "no". And I meant it. Because I can't possibly be a light to those around me if I'm running by them so quickly they only see a flash. How can I pour into someone God brings near if I don't take the minutes needed to look them full in the face? Lock eyes. Take a moment to pray for discernment and direction. I can't. 

The answer is I can't. So I won't live that crazy life. I'll open my grip and hand over a few fears and a few responsibilities until I feel the weight shove off my shoulders. 

Because really, here's what matters: my Jesus, my husband, my children. Everything else is just icing.