Random thoughts

I know I have time to do everything I want and need to do. My choices are all wrong. I am too lazy to drag myself out of bed each morning, I watch too much TV, and spend too much time on the computer.

Lord, thank you for helping me with the areas with which I struggle. I know the bible tells me you are able to do more than I can possibly imagine. I don't mind doing hard work. I just wish I could keep the right balance. I feel you have given me all the tools I need to be a great wife, mom, daughter, woman, and friend. My problem is that I only seem to look at the tools.

It is as if I am window shopping, maybe even testing out the tools to see how well they work. In the end, I don't know how to incorporate them into everyday life. Maybe part of me thinks "they are behind the glass; that will take too long to access. I will just stick to my old ways." What is great is that I didn't even have to purchase them! They are all my gift from you, Lord. Perhaps I am treating them like a never-to-be-handled gift of fine china. My experience tells me you wouldn't equip me with worldly china. In fact, if you were to give me china, it would be unbreakable. Maybe I don't trust the capabilities of the tools you have given me. I am beginning to see where the issues lie. I trust you. I trust and am thankful for the tools with which you have equipped me. The problem is I don't trust myself. I can't rely on me to make the right choice or work properly alongside the arsenal you have provided.

"GOOD!" you say, "allow me. You shouldn't be getting involved anyway. I am God and you are not. Stop trying to control so much and let me love you. Let me care for your children. Let me help your husband become the man I want him to be. I appreciate your effort, but you really have no idea what you are doing."

I can't possibly give God the leading position in my life if I continue insisting my ways. There is just too much of me in every situation. My mouth says I have died to my old self. My haughty glances, in my mind, convey to others that I have arrived. (HA!) My measly acts of service prove to others I am generous. When it comes down to it, there are a whole lot of me's, my's, and I's and not nearly enough glory to God. My actions do not follow what I say in my mind or with my mouth.

Forgive me, Lord. For 26 years I thought I was walking semi-steadfastly down this path toward you. In my mind, I was about half-way to the finish line. Now I realize those weren't strides I was taking, but baby steps. I am still at the beginning.