This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Random thoughts

I know I have time to do everything I want and need to do. My choices are all wrong. I am too lazy to drag myself out of bed each morning, I watch too much TV, and spend too much time on the computer.

Lord, thank you for helping me with the areas with which I struggle. I know the bible tells me you are able to do more than I can possibly imagine. I don't mind doing hard work. I just wish I could keep the right balance. I feel you have given me all the tools I need to be a great wife, mom, daughter, woman, and friend. My problem is that I only seem to look at the tools.

It is as if I am window shopping, maybe even testing out the tools to see how well they work. In the end, I don't know how to incorporate them into everyday life. Maybe part of me thinks "they are behind the glass; that will take too long to access. I will just stick to my old ways." What is great is that I didn't even have to purchase them! They are all my gift from you, Lord. Perhaps I am treating them like a never-to-be-handled gift of fine china. My experience tells me you wouldn't equip me with worldly china. In fact, if you were to give me china, it would be unbreakable. Maybe I don't trust the capabilities of the tools you have given me. I am beginning to see where the issues lie. I trust you. I trust and am thankful for the tools with which you have equipped me. The problem is I don't trust myself. I can't rely on me to make the right choice or work properly alongside the arsenal you have provided.

"GOOD!" you say, "allow me. You shouldn't be getting involved anyway. I am God and you are not. Stop trying to control so much and let me love you. Let me care for your children. Let me help your husband become the man I want him to be. I appreciate your effort, but you really have no idea what you are doing."

I can't possibly give God the leading position in my life if I continue insisting my ways. There is just too much of me in every situation. My mouth says I have died to my old self. My haughty glances, in my mind, convey to others that I have arrived. (HA!) My measly acts of service prove to others I am generous. When it comes down to it, there are a whole lot of me's, my's, and I's and not nearly enough glory to God. My actions do not follow what I say in my mind or with my mouth.

Forgive me, Lord. For 26 years I thought I was walking semi-steadfastly down this path toward you. In my mind, I was about half-way to the finish line. Now I realize those weren't strides I was taking, but baby steps. I am still at the beginning.


Jeni said...

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! But seriously-- I love that you always post things that are so relevant. I can relate with what you are saying 100% (except of course the husband and kids part). I always say that I'm giving problems and questions to God, but then I still try to handle them my way, expecting that He's just going to bless the way that I'm doing things and that will be the end of it... Yeah right...

shontell said...

giggle. I understand completely. I loved Lou's message today. After this post it just cracked me right up!