Eavesdropping

I didn't mean to be an eavesdropper (where in the world did this saying come from anyway?), but I was sitting here minding my own business when Eli and Layla Grace began chatting.

Layla: EW Moby smells! Gross! (gag)
Eli: Layla, you better get used to that.
Layla: What? Why?
Eli: If you are going to be married, you need to get used to the smell.
Layla: What? Why? Gross.
Eli: Also, if you are going to get married you need to get used to Sam biting you.
Layla: What? WHY?
Eli: Cause Mommy and Daddy are married and Daddy bit her. They were laying in bed together and Daddy just bit her. Cause they are married.

Me in my mind: sigh. I blame my husband for this.

Responsibility Reschmonsibility

I DON'T WANNA! I DON'T WANNA!

As I sit here refusing to get out of my bed a long list of responsibilities is running through my head. Incessant. Then, I look over and see my book and think to myself, "Self, wouldn't it be awesome to stay in bed all day and read this book?" Then I answer myself, "Yes. Yes it would."

But then my belly gets queasy with anxiety over procrastination, and I wimp out. This is me not wimping, but this is also me not at all sure where to begin! I need a life coach. Where is Jenn Russo when I really need her?! BAH! I think if she were here she would say, "Let's start by getting out of bed. Get dressed and do SOMEthing with that hair- for the sake of everyone with eyes, please. Then, make your bed, cause if you don't I will be thinking about it all day. Next we will eat breakfast, get coffee, and prioritize." Maybe I should just hang a picture of her next to my bed. Highly organized people offend me. OKAY FINE they don't; I am totally jealous of their self control. I heart Jenn Russo AND her organization skills.  So, this isn't a picture of her; I don't have a picture of her because she is all the way in Las Vegas, but this drawer is probably in her house. It looks like something she would do.

Thanks for the motivation, JR. I am going back to bed.

Sam At Bedtime. He got me again.

So. Samuel Fisher is a big movie quoter. Let's be real. If you are going to be one of the children in this house, you have to be a movie quoter. AGAIN he wasn't in his bed. I said, "FISH what are you doing?
 He said, in his best New York accent (which was phenomenal) "I WAS ON A SAFARI, BOB!" This is of course my favorite line from Return to Me delivered by Dick Cusack, John's and Joan's seriously awesome father. I cannot discipline under these circumstances.

My First Thoughts

Many times I will open my eyes seemingly instantly each morning with a thought in my head as if I have been mulling it over all night. Considering what "they" say about the short span in which dreams take place, this isn't likely, but still, it feels this way. I usually blog or write about those things or people who are my first thought of the day. This morning my first thought was more of a question followed with a barrage of answers.

Why aren't you on Facebook? 

Many of you have asked me this question and even rolled your eyes either to my face or behind my face at my answer. To be honest, you eyerollers come off as one convicted over my beliefs on something. You may want to look into that. I do not judge others for being a part of what usually seems like a pretty good time. But I stand by my belief that NOTHING (except God) is right for everyone. Here is what I know to be true:

• I threw out a quick prayer over joining Facebook and felt God oh so clearly say to me that I am not to be a part of it. The reasons have zilch to do with some evil powers lurking on the site; I simply have issues in my past that have the potential to be given leeway in this arena, and I am not in the business of giving potential issues leeway. It's not them; it's me. 
• I have heard several (and growing) pastors give sermons full of confessions and touching on addiction to Facebook. Really? Addiction? Maybe boundaries and self-control are difficult to maintain in the virtual world, but I assure you God would insist upon them.
• I have seen people return home, walk past loved ones, and check their Facebook page. Um.. 
• I have had a grown woman say, "I know we are sitting down to eat dinner, but I just need to check on my animals on Farmville real quick."
• I have stood in front of a grown woman attempting to have a conversation SHE began only to have her look at her phone and Facebook page the entire time. She made eye contact at the end to say, "talk to you later." To which I silently said, "I sort of hope not."
• I know a woman who made some seriously bad choices in her marriage and nearly lost her husband. She regularly chats with and is friends with a woman who struggles with the same issues and in fact was her cavorting buddy during her lowest times. I asked the woman about it, I asked the husband about it. She had nothing to say. He said, "I don't want to tell her who she can and can't be friends with." 

Now, these seem like extreme cases, but the more I live in this technologically connected world, I see it is the norm. I was having a conversation with some friends about this the other day. HE says he is only friends with people who live out of state because it's stupid to stay connected with someone you see all the time in person. I like this idea. His wife said we are nuts. I like her too, I just disagree when Facebook is involved. She went on to confess that she would invite me to more things if I were on Facebook. To which I said, "thanks for sort of proving my point." We laughed and I still like her. 

Finally, HE said a statement which I didn't realize I agreed with so much until it was out of his mouth. He said, "I don't want my wife being friends with all of my friends on Facebook. Why would I want her online chatting with guys? How is it different from texting? I don't want her texting my friends." Whoa. Sort of in your face. 

I trust my husband fully. Usually when my jealousy rears it's head it's because some super tramp is wafting her pheromones near my man and he is completely unaware. I am sure that is God's protection. I also know that the conversations between him and the people on Facebook are casual and not full of evil. Still, it seems as though others may consider this opening in friendship, even virtual, a link with him. I don't want women having a link with my husband. I will punch them in their faces, and that isn't very Christ like. Do you see my dilemma? Sorry if I offended you. Sort of.

It's Official

I am a certified teacher in Nevada AND Washington. Your move, God.

Conversations With Sam at Bedtime

I was tucking in Sam-I-AM who is four. He wasn't in his bed when I went up to tuck him in. We usually send them up and give them a few minutes to gather their nonsense and whatever else it is short people do instead of us standing there impatiently saying, "get in bed. get in bed. get in bed."

Now we give them time. Only, lately they have been running amok until we come up there and stand impatiently and say, "get in bed. get in bed. get in bed." Sigh.

Tonight, he wasn't in bed. Instead of yelling at him, I picked up Woody and held him very close to my face and calmly said, "Woody, when I send you to bed, I want to find you with your head on your pillow. Do you understand me, Mr.?" Sam was super giggly and got into bed. He picked up Woody and said, "YEAH! Do you hear me Woody?" giggles, "Now, you get to sleep with no pillow." Then he giggled and closed his eyes, in bed, on his pillow.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

I am in my bed with a bellyache, so I am watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to make myself feel better. It's totally working. My favorite quotes so far:

You are a vision in khaki

You cannot name my member after a female

Our kids are really.......ATTRACTIVE

Watch it. You will be a better person.

BUUUURN

Sometimes I mock people. It may be easier to calculate the times I am NOT mocking rather than try to account for the times I AM mocking. I just enjoy making mock. Izzy is very nearly 13 and super good at making mock as well. She can dish it out and take it. Tonight she was mumbling some nonsense and making me giggle and ended with, "Your face is a log." Now, before I move on, you should know we often just repeat what others have said, but apply that attribute to whomever we are speaking.

Example:
Ellie Harrison after the decorative football on the cake fell over: Aw, poor football.
Addison: You're a poor football.
Me- giggle fitfully


So, in response to Izzy's funny log remark, I made up a joke. I told her, "Why don't you make like a bunny and get run over." Then she and I laughed hysterically. I realize some social worker is going to read this and be utterly torn whether or not to drive immediately to my door. I assure you, I do not want any harm to ever happen to my short children. I do however want them to think I am funny. I am totally winning.

I Am

• Officially half way through my master's program at Grand Canyon University
• Enjoying a pajama day filled with two cups of coffee, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, homeschooling, homework, and a husband who returned home from yet another trip
• Grateful my husband's job doesn't usually ask him to travel; I like him at my beckon call
  
• Fully in love with acoustic guitar music
• Wishing I were better at producing it, but realizing it is because I don't practice nearly enough
• 29 hours early with turning in my homework and feeling overwhelmed with the possibilities with my free time
• Thinking I am going to settle on showering, lesson planning for the remainder of the school year for those lovable high schoolers of mine, and a little guitar practice
• Needing to fully learn my song to sing A Capella
• Excited for Easter this year more than usual
• Going to watch Passion of the Christ
• Reading through Matthew with my short people and enjoying our conversations
• Really going this time, not like the kid on the Nestle Toll house Cookie commercials
  

I Can't Get Past This

Because this isn't the only place I write, sometimes I get stuck on a thought and can't get past it. This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a particular Sunday morning and my issues on said morning. Welcome to my issues. I tried to prepare you all for the real fact that I am crazy and usually rotten. I would say I told you so, but that may not help my case to make you love me anyway.

This Sunday I cried through worship. I cried through the teaching. All the while, I struggled with what I was upset about. Rather, I bounced between my issues. My struggles were three:

The country of Japan has been devastated by an earthquake. My heart was so heavy for their loss and confusion during this time. All through worship I pictured one person, no one in particular. I thought, if one person was standing among the sea of that devastation, if one person was willing to raise her hands and worship at the top of her lungs, if one person was willing to worship in the face of so much death, God would save them. He is a good God, so maybe he will save them anyway, but it reminds me of that story of Abraham. God wanted Abraham to go into the city and find someone, ANYone worth saving, and if that happened, he would not destroy the land. It didn't happen. He couldn't find even one who was worthy. But perhaps Japan has at least one person willing to say, "I love you, Lord. No matter what I see before me, no matter what the news tells me, no matter what my own understanding tries to make me believe, I love you, Lord." As I cried in church, I willed that one person to take a stand. I hope it happened.

Number two: a girl spoke today of her story of God's miraculous salvation. She was referring to her literal salvation of her life, not her soul. Now God has given her both. God healed her through a surgery and did it for free. Her story was so miraculous as she went from her literal death bed to the 6 o'clock news where she shared that she asked God for a miracle, and he said, "Sure. Thanks for asking." Her faith is bigger than mine. She is from the poor population of Indonesia. She has faced serious struggles. She has looked God and death head on and said her peace. She is a decade younger than me. Her faith is bigger than mine. I cried because when I again asked God to forgive me for my small faith and worry, he said yes. I said, "I am lame." He gave me a head pat and said, "I know." But he finished it with a smile that proves he loves me in spite of all that. I am grateful.

Third: I was mad. I do not get angry with God often. While I may tend to get quippy when I argue, it's a little disrespectful to be a smart pants to God, so I try to tone it down. Instead I made an angry face and yelled at him in my mind.

Me: WHAT is your plan?! I want answers.
God: I know.
Me: Great, so let's get this show on the road. This is very aggravating!!
God: I know.
Me: Good come back!!
God: I know.
Me: You are making me angry.
God: I know.
Me: You are asking too much of me.
God: I know.
Me: sorry I yelled, I was acting out.
God: I know.
Me: I am self absorbed. People are dying and lives are being devastated, and I am whining. I am sorry. I love you.
God: I know.
Me: Good come back. I mean it this time.
God: I know.

Maybe I Should Sleep

My eyeballs are burning in my face right now after working on resumes and applications and school work and homeschool work and writing hand written letters to 7 Asian students. I do not mean to say I just sit and write willy nilly to Asians; these are actually my students. They will be expecting things from me in the morning. They will expect me to be patient and teach them. They will expect for me to at least act like I know more than them so I can impart my wisdom. Maybe I should sleep. I have been thinking this for hours. Then, I remember some undone responsibility. To help me get my work done, I turn on the TV to keep me company. I don't work nearly as fast as when the TV is off, so I find I am up until today turns into tomorrow, and my eyeballs are burning in my face. Maybe I should sleep. I think this post is written in several tenses, but I am too tired to edit it properly. Maybe I should sleep.