This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Pardon Me As I Wipe Away the Drool

Can I just admit that I have been in a non-alcohol induced stupor the past two weeks. Sick. Sick, Sick, and more sick. Colds, ear aches, allergies, headaches, neck pain, blah blah BLAH. I hate it all.

I finished my meds and broke out in hives. That's cool. Not everyone wears red the way I do, so it worked. Thank goodness it was cold. I covered every bit of my skin and got compliments on my tights.

I tried to make the rules at the beginning of the school year: share everything except cooties and bad ideas. Nobody listened. Someone came up with the bad idea to share cooties with me.

In the midst of it all, I found a lump in my right breast. It was late Saturday night, right as my head cold was really picking up steam. I was almost too tired to care. Almost.

By Sunday morning I had prayed myself into a frenzy of peace, and although I felt at ease, the idea of telling my husband, in words, with my voice, made my vocal cords freeze.

I was supposed to be at church to sing. I texted my sister by law, and I couldn't just bail last minute. So I told her. It was awful. She faked calm, which I appreciate.

 Then I rolled over, dried my tears, and opened and closed my mouth ten times trying to form just the perfect words so my husband wouldn't worry. Nothing came to me. Not a thing.

Except, what if my hugs are numbered?

What if this is my last birthday?

What if this is one of the last times I get to roll over and see that face that melts my heart and makes me throw all of my "should be doings" out the window?

What if?

Then I remembered that each minute I have is icing on my cake, and I won't live under the instruction of the enemy. He is lame. He wants me to live in fear and in the land of what ifs. I haven't the time. I have people to love. Hugs to hand out. A husband to...well... roll over and look at.

I called the doctor. Got myself an early birthday present called a double bilateral mammogram and an ultrasound and left the office with my results.
They said the B word right to my face. (No, No(dot) el. Not that B word).
I have cysts and nothing needs to be done right now. I get to have a mammogram every year now, which is four years earlier in life than most women, but I'll take it.

I'll take IT and all of God's promises. In the meantime, I will just say, "suck it satan" and go live life. And by that I mean it's time to go make out with my husband. Life is too short. 


Jessica said...

Oh goodness! So glad to hear the last part, not so glad to hear the first part & all the emotions you must have been having! Love you, friend!

shontell said...

Thanks friend. :)

No(dot dot)el said...

Ha ha , I LOVE how you direct that 'B' word bit to ME ;) Finally, I get an honorable mention on your blog.
And woot woot for that 'B' word , I think that's my favorite 'B' word EVER! sorry for shouting but it's true! Whew. I hated that moment in our lives Queen. So not my favorite moments with the Queen.
Umm... but making out well it's my new favorite again because Son of Bitch LiFE is too Damn Short!!
You set me up for the curse. You know you did! I would also like to say life is too short not to cuss if you feel like cussing. Or not.