Sometimes It Sucks

I am reading a really great book called "Leap Over a Wall" by Eugene Peterson. It's a book I borrowed from The Pastor, and it blindsided me. Read it; it's good stuff. Be warned though, there are some big words in there. I actually have had to pull out my dictionary a couple times (and by pull out my dictionary, I mean I ask my friends Melissa and Jessica, as they are smarter than me).

As this week has progressed toward what is usually the second happiest weekend of my year (Halloween/a house full of friends/my birthday/chili..mmmm) my stress level has risen significantly. My stressful belly-aches are back, and there is a slight chance I have considered taking up closet drinking once or twice. (I stand by my argument that those people seem happy!)

Anyway, many of you have prayed loads for us for job security. Thank you. If you get a spare prayer, please do it again. God has been miraculous over and over, but the conversations have started again. My husband is number one on the layoff list. The results will be in just before or after Christmas. awesome. (Insert heavy sighing). And because I know loose lips sink ships (and give that rotten devil the foothold he is waiting for to sink said ship aka devastate my marriage), I am processing through this news rather than reacting and freaking out.

I don't think The Pastor's teachings on taking hold of our regularly scheduled God time are at all coincidental. So, I am listening. Twice this week, God has spoken audibly my name to wake me up to chat with him. Weirder still, his voice is that of Mike Brewer's when he is trying to get my attention over the chaos of our happy home. Shon-TELL!! Both mornings The Man was at work, so there is no confusing that it wasn't actually him yelling at me.


Anyway, I am never one to ask why something is happening. Never. Honestly, never. I trust God. The end. But, that doesn't take away the hurt that comes with the struggles. In fact, because I am so focused on not doubting, I don't know where to send my questions. It's as if they just sit inside my brain threatening to bust loose. Without asking, I got an answer.
Back to old-big-word-Eugene. He said,"When you hit your thumb with a hammer, it hurts just as much after you've accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior as it did before."

The only difference I can see is I am not the one swinging the hammer. I think that is what frustrates me most and raises the "why" questions. If this were happening because my husband were a loser it wouldn't be so hard to take. I would understand that natural consequences happen. But Mike Brewer isn't a loser. In fact, he is a really hot fire fighter. Every city needs one, and he is Reno's. It just seems unjust.