This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

This just in

Praise the Lord!! We found a house!!! It's a beaut Clark! Thanks for all your prayers. Wanna stay for dinner? Wanna stay forever?
Surreal: that's the word I sense when I look at my life right now. A month ago I was fighting for contentment. We were brewing compost tea and looking forward to our new little girl hens offering fresh eggs. Our garden was flourishing, and I was making headway in my book. For real.
Then I read Flower Patch Farm Girl and she spent an entire post saying "Anything, God. I am up for anything. I will do anything. What's that you say God? Sure. I can do that and anything else you want. I love you more than me. I want to love them more than me. Anything". I felt inspired. But I was wimpy and trying to be honest with myself. So I whispered, "lord. I could do anything" but then I screamed "BUT DON'T MAKE IT HURT!!"
Then I picked up the phone. We aren't wanna be homesteaders anymore. We aren't contemplating that five acres we had our eye on. Mike is no longer considering cowboy boots and a riding mower.
Instead I am imagining where to put my new dressers and where I want the tv. Instead I am working on lesson plans to keep kindergarten kiddos entertained for the year. Instead I am considering which new gym to join and thinking up organization techniques that will make simple tasks of our new lives: two full time working parents and five kids in school full time.
It's not that any if this is bad. It's just that now I need to embrace a different lifestyle. We lived here for seven years, but it's as if we are starting all over. I don't want to feel down. When people ask if I am happy to be back, I want to say thrilled and mean it. But I need time to process.
I read psalms to help me. I read psalm 1- one of my total faves. I repeated the word "anything. Anything, Lord" because even through the whisper, I meant it. Even through my fears and so much unknown. I meant it. God showed me that I can be like a tree planted by streams. Fruitful. Plentiful. I felt good about myself that God was speaking to me. That I was feeling his reassurance. I even extended myself grace during this transition time. I allowed myself the opportunity to just focus on me and my house and my family. I am obviously so great. It's not like I have to jump right into life. It's summer after all. Sigh.

Then he showed me the verse that says "in EVERY season, I produce fruit." and he brought back the words I whispered. "anything, Lord". Then I spent time repenting that I am an idiot. That I could lead the parade for idiots. And I thanked him again for ever allowing me to be part of anything for his kingdom.
I am trying to be fruitful. I am willing to do anything. Sigh. Anything Lord.

We are moving in to our house tomorrow. Prayers and any abled bodies are welcome.


Jessica said...

Praise the Lord (Holy Crap). So excited for you! Can't wait to see you new place! And I'm glad you're back ;)

shontell said...

Ahahaha I love that you say holy crap every time you praise the Lord.