This Where the Nonsense Turns to Makesense

..A large family working to perfect our sweet skills: Loving others, making an impact, parenting on purpose, living simply, and embracing sarcasm.

Friday, June 24, 2016

Do My Food Allergies Bother You?

You know what's crazy? When I'm out to dinner and the people I'm with act like my food allergies are a bothersome point in their ambiance. That's weird. 

MY food allergies are bothersome. When my throat starts closing. Or I can't stop sneezing. Or my eyes start itching and twitching and swelling. It's superbly inconvenient when my kidneys shut down because I eat a biscuit. Especially that one time the nurse suggested I do a few rounds of dialysis. 

I mean, I ain't got time for that. But by all means. I could eat those allergic inducers when I'm with those impatient folks at a restaurant- they roll their eyes and and ask for extra gluten in their sandwhich. 

No. It's a great joke. Keep saying it. It's awesome that I'm not really allergic or intolerant to gluten at all. I'm allergic to wheat. If we are being scientific, we are all intolerant to gluten. It's a man made substance. It's a processed additive that makes everyone just a little chubbier. Not me. I don't eat it. 

I eat candy bars. A lot of them. Loaded with man made sugars. At this point some people are feeling like I'm a hypocrite. Maybe. But I don't harrass people who DONT eat sugar. I would sound like an idiot. 

"Can I get a piece of cake with extra sugar?"  What does that even mean? 

That allergies have risen some 7004756% over the last decade is phenomenal. (Fake data)  But should I have to explain all that because I have allergies? I'd rather not. And I rather can't. 

I promise you we aren't faking it. 

You know what's worse than being at a restaurant with a friend who has to order her food weird because of allergies or food preferences? Someone who gets irritated by it. 

The fact is, allergies have gone nuts. I don't know why. They just have. If you do not have them, be patient with those who do. Trust me when I say it's worse for us. Just be aware. Allergies are stressful. 

Service animal trainers? Be aware. We want to be supportive of what you're doing, but maybe don't assume we all can keep breathing when you bring your dog near us at Home Depot or the bank or my classroom. And the lady with the bird on her shoulder at the store? Just no. 

When my son gets sent home for pink eye but really someone brought their dog in to his class, should I really have to leave work for this? 

I'm just saying, be aware. Maybe consider not everyone really has the same freedoms you do. 

Now. I have to go eat a candy bar.

Just kidding. I'm allergic to those. 


Anonymous said...

You crack me up. I feel you girl... I always get the "she is 3... It's not good to cut things from her diet"
Uh... It kinda is if she wants to play at the park instead of spend the afternoon on the potty. ��
Thanks for this girrll. Mmmm... Candy bars.

melaroo said...

hah! I feel as though you stole that line from Slash. He always requests extra gluten in his sandwich. And for his vegetarian meal to have meat added. But I'm pretty sure it's because he's at that stage in life where he's starting to think some "dad jokes" are funny. Sigh.
I apologize on his behalf. And I just want to find a way to feed you sugar. I'm working on it.

Jeni said...

Oh man! I totally feel for you. i can't say I completely understand because my million tiny allergies are nowhere near as extreme as that. But I have been accused of having pink eye because occasionally my eye swells up after taking pain medicine if I need to for some reason. This lovely side effect did not start until after my daughter was born so my husband calls me "Quasi-momma."

Debra Burrow said...

I can understand your every single point about allergies, thank you for sharing the post.
Hire Bartenders Los Angeles

Shontell said...

Thank you girls for getting me and for commenting! Momo, I am so grateful my kids don't have allergies. You are working that mom life something fierce!

Mel- thank you for your endless pursuit of trying to sugar me up. You are good to me.