Easter

Happy. Also, today I started thinking about what it would have been like to be alive when Jesus was on the earth and living through the weekend he was crucified. Whatever your religious ideas, they would have been hectic days. I imagine the news of controversy spread everywhere: Barabbas, Jesus? Then the questions, or doubts, or anticipation. When was Jesus going to set himself free? When was God going to rescue him? Why was God allowing Jesus to suffer so much? I bet some people even smugly thought God was going to come down and smite Jesus' oppressors. I probably would have.

Then I started thinking about what I would have thought when they said Jesus was truly dead. What? How can he be dead? There must be a mistake. I expected him to smite and punish and call fire down on the sinners. I don't understand any of this. God, where are you.

What would I have told my children?

What would I have told my friends who always thought I was a little crazy for believing Jesus was the son of God?

Would I have been like Peter? He gave up a little early and was seemingly out to save his own reputation, but would I have shrugged and said, 'wow, I guess I was wrong about Jesus. maybe he really was just a nice guy'?

How long would my human nature wait before I began looking for something or someone else to believe in?

I think I would have been waiting for a miracle at any minute. But then, they say he is dead. Friday night, I would have gathered with other believers-prayed, cried, asked questions.

Saturday, no miracle. My doubt growing. My mood swaying between confusion, anger, annoyance with my own doubt, grief, and anticipation. Then,

Sunday....