Eavesdropping

I didn't mean to be an eavesdropper (where in the world did this saying come from anyway?), but I was sitting here minding my own business when Eli and Layla Grace began chatting.

Layla: EW Moby smells! Gross! (gag)
Eli: Layla, you better get used to that.
Layla: What? Why?
Eli: If you are going to be married, you need to get used to the smell.
Layla: What? Why? Gross.
Eli: Also, if you are going to get married you need to get used to Sam biting you.
Layla: What? WHY?
Eli: Cause Mommy and Daddy are married and Daddy bit her. They were laying in bed together and Daddy just bit her. Cause they are married.

Me in my mind: sigh. I blame my husband for this.

Responsibility Reschmonsibility

I DON'T WANNA! I DON'T WANNA!

As I sit here refusing to get out of my bed a long list of responsibilities is running through my head. Incessant. Then, I look over and see my book and think to myself, "Self, wouldn't it be awesome to stay in bed all day and read this book?" Then I answer myself, "Yes. Yes it would."

But then my belly gets queasy with anxiety over procrastination, and I wimp out. This is me not wimping, but this is also me not at all sure where to begin! I need a life coach. Where is Jenn Russo when I really need her?! BAH! I think if she were here she would say, "Let's start by getting out of bed. Get dressed and do SOMEthing with that hair- for the sake of everyone with eyes, please. Then, make your bed, cause if you don't I will be thinking about it all day. Next we will eat breakfast, get coffee, and prioritize." Maybe I should just hang a picture of her next to my bed. Highly organized people offend me. OKAY FINE they don't; I am totally jealous of their self control. I heart Jenn Russo AND her organization skills.  So, this isn't a picture of her; I don't have a picture of her because she is all the way in Las Vegas, but this drawer is probably in her house. It looks like something she would do.

Thanks for the motivation, JR. I am going back to bed.

Sam At Bedtime. He got me again.

So. Samuel Fisher is a big movie quoter. Let's be real. If you are going to be one of the children in this house, you have to be a movie quoter. AGAIN he wasn't in his bed. I said, "FISH what are you doing?
 He said, in his best New York accent (which was phenomenal) "I WAS ON A SAFARI, BOB!" This is of course my favorite line from Return to Me delivered by Dick Cusack, John's and Joan's seriously awesome father. I cannot discipline under these circumstances.

My First Thoughts

Many times I will open my eyes seemingly instantly each morning with a thought in my head as if I have been mulling it over all night. Considering what "they" say about the short span in which dreams take place, this isn't likely, but still, it feels this way. I usually blog or write about those things or people who are my first thought of the day. This morning my first thought was more of a question followed with a barrage of answers.

Why aren't you on Facebook? 

Many of you have asked me this question and even rolled your eyes either to my face or behind my face at my answer. To be honest, you eyerollers come off as one convicted over my beliefs on something. You may want to look into that. I do not judge others for being a part of what usually seems like a pretty good time. But I stand by my belief that NOTHING (except God) is right for everyone. Here is what I know to be true:

• I threw out a quick prayer over joining Facebook and felt God oh so clearly say to me that I am not to be a part of it. The reasons have zilch to do with some evil powers lurking on the site; I simply have issues in my past that have the potential to be given leeway in this arena, and I am not in the business of giving potential issues leeway. It's not them; it's me. 
• I have heard several (and growing) pastors give sermons full of confessions and touching on addiction to Facebook. Really? Addiction? Maybe boundaries and self-control are difficult to maintain in the virtual world, but I assure you God would insist upon them.
• I have seen people return home, walk past loved ones, and check their Facebook page. Um.. 
• I have had a grown woman say, "I know we are sitting down to eat dinner, but I just need to check on my animals on Farmville real quick."
• I have stood in front of a grown woman attempting to have a conversation SHE began only to have her look at her phone and Facebook page the entire time. She made eye contact at the end to say, "talk to you later." To which I silently said, "I sort of hope not."
• I know a woman who made some seriously bad choices in her marriage and nearly lost her husband. She regularly chats with and is friends with a woman who struggles with the same issues and in fact was her cavorting buddy during her lowest times. I asked the woman about it, I asked the husband about it. She had nothing to say. He said, "I don't want to tell her who she can and can't be friends with." 

Now, these seem like extreme cases, but the more I live in this technologically connected world, I see it is the norm. I was having a conversation with some friends about this the other day. HE says he is only friends with people who live out of state because it's stupid to stay connected with someone you see all the time in person. I like this idea. His wife said we are nuts. I like her too, I just disagree when Facebook is involved. She went on to confess that she would invite me to more things if I were on Facebook. To which I said, "thanks for sort of proving my point." We laughed and I still like her. 

Finally, HE said a statement which I didn't realize I agreed with so much until it was out of his mouth. He said, "I don't want my wife being friends with all of my friends on Facebook. Why would I want her online chatting with guys? How is it different from texting? I don't want her texting my friends." Whoa. Sort of in your face. 

I trust my husband fully. Usually when my jealousy rears it's head it's because some super tramp is wafting her pheromones near my man and he is completely unaware. I am sure that is God's protection. I also know that the conversations between him and the people on Facebook are casual and not full of evil. Still, it seems as though others may consider this opening in friendship, even virtual, a link with him. I don't want women having a link with my husband. I will punch them in their faces, and that isn't very Christ like. Do you see my dilemma? Sorry if I offended you. Sort of.

It's Official

I am a certified teacher in Nevada AND Washington. Your move, God.

Conversations With Sam at Bedtime

I was tucking in Sam-I-AM who is four. He wasn't in his bed when I went up to tuck him in. We usually send them up and give them a few minutes to gather their nonsense and whatever else it is short people do instead of us standing there impatiently saying, "get in bed. get in bed. get in bed."

Now we give them time. Only, lately they have been running amok until we come up there and stand impatiently and say, "get in bed. get in bed. get in bed." Sigh.

Tonight, he wasn't in bed. Instead of yelling at him, I picked up Woody and held him very close to my face and calmly said, "Woody, when I send you to bed, I want to find you with your head on your pillow. Do you understand me, Mr.?" Sam was super giggly and got into bed. He picked up Woody and said, "YEAH! Do you hear me Woody?" giggles, "Now, you get to sleep with no pillow." Then he giggled and closed his eyes, in bed, on his pillow.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

I am in my bed with a bellyache, so I am watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to make myself feel better. It's totally working. My favorite quotes so far:

You are a vision in khaki

You cannot name my member after a female

Our kids are really.......ATTRACTIVE

Watch it. You will be a better person.

BUUUURN

Sometimes I mock people. It may be easier to calculate the times I am NOT mocking rather than try to account for the times I AM mocking. I just enjoy making mock. Izzy is very nearly 13 and super good at making mock as well. She can dish it out and take it. Tonight she was mumbling some nonsense and making me giggle and ended with, "Your face is a log." Now, before I move on, you should know we often just repeat what others have said, but apply that attribute to whomever we are speaking.

Example:
Ellie Harrison after the decorative football on the cake fell over: Aw, poor football.
Addison: You're a poor football.
Me- giggle fitfully


So, in response to Izzy's funny log remark, I made up a joke. I told her, "Why don't you make like a bunny and get run over." Then she and I laughed hysterically. I realize some social worker is going to read this and be utterly torn whether or not to drive immediately to my door. I assure you, I do not want any harm to ever happen to my short children. I do however want them to think I am funny. I am totally winning.

I Am

• Officially half way through my master's program at Grand Canyon University
• Enjoying a pajama day filled with two cups of coffee, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, homeschooling, homework, and a husband who returned home from yet another trip
• Grateful my husband's job doesn't usually ask him to travel; I like him at my beckon call
  
• Fully in love with acoustic guitar music
• Wishing I were better at producing it, but realizing it is because I don't practice nearly enough
• 29 hours early with turning in my homework and feeling overwhelmed with the possibilities with my free time
• Thinking I am going to settle on showering, lesson planning for the remainder of the school year for those lovable high schoolers of mine, and a little guitar practice
• Needing to fully learn my song to sing A Capella
• Excited for Easter this year more than usual
• Going to watch Passion of the Christ
• Reading through Matthew with my short people and enjoying our conversations
• Really going this time, not like the kid on the Nestle Toll house Cookie commercials
  

I Can't Get Past This

Because this isn't the only place I write, sometimes I get stuck on a thought and can't get past it. This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago about a particular Sunday morning and my issues on said morning. Welcome to my issues. I tried to prepare you all for the real fact that I am crazy and usually rotten. I would say I told you so, but that may not help my case to make you love me anyway.

This Sunday I cried through worship. I cried through the teaching. All the while, I struggled with what I was upset about. Rather, I bounced between my issues. My struggles were three:

The country of Japan has been devastated by an earthquake. My heart was so heavy for their loss and confusion during this time. All through worship I pictured one person, no one in particular. I thought, if one person was standing among the sea of that devastation, if one person was willing to raise her hands and worship at the top of her lungs, if one person was willing to worship in the face of so much death, God would save them. He is a good God, so maybe he will save them anyway, but it reminds me of that story of Abraham. God wanted Abraham to go into the city and find someone, ANYone worth saving, and if that happened, he would not destroy the land. It didn't happen. He couldn't find even one who was worthy. But perhaps Japan has at least one person willing to say, "I love you, Lord. No matter what I see before me, no matter what the news tells me, no matter what my own understanding tries to make me believe, I love you, Lord." As I cried in church, I willed that one person to take a stand. I hope it happened.

Number two: a girl spoke today of her story of God's miraculous salvation. She was referring to her literal salvation of her life, not her soul. Now God has given her both. God healed her through a surgery and did it for free. Her story was so miraculous as she went from her literal death bed to the 6 o'clock news where she shared that she asked God for a miracle, and he said, "Sure. Thanks for asking." Her faith is bigger than mine. She is from the poor population of Indonesia. She has faced serious struggles. She has looked God and death head on and said her peace. She is a decade younger than me. Her faith is bigger than mine. I cried because when I again asked God to forgive me for my small faith and worry, he said yes. I said, "I am lame." He gave me a head pat and said, "I know." But he finished it with a smile that proves he loves me in spite of all that. I am grateful.

Third: I was mad. I do not get angry with God often. While I may tend to get quippy when I argue, it's a little disrespectful to be a smart pants to God, so I try to tone it down. Instead I made an angry face and yelled at him in my mind.

Me: WHAT is your plan?! I want answers.
God: I know.
Me: Great, so let's get this show on the road. This is very aggravating!!
God: I know.
Me: Good come back!!
God: I know.
Me: You are making me angry.
God: I know.
Me: You are asking too much of me.
God: I know.
Me: sorry I yelled, I was acting out.
God: I know.
Me: I am self absorbed. People are dying and lives are being devastated, and I am whining. I am sorry. I love you.
God: I know.
Me: Good come back. I mean it this time.
God: I know.

Maybe I Should Sleep

My eyeballs are burning in my face right now after working on resumes and applications and school work and homeschool work and writing hand written letters to 7 Asian students. I do not mean to say I just sit and write willy nilly to Asians; these are actually my students. They will be expecting things from me in the morning. They will expect me to be patient and teach them. They will expect for me to at least act like I know more than them so I can impart my wisdom. Maybe I should sleep. I have been thinking this for hours. Then, I remember some undone responsibility. To help me get my work done, I turn on the TV to keep me company. I don't work nearly as fast as when the TV is off, so I find I am up until today turns into tomorrow, and my eyeballs are burning in my face. Maybe I should sleep. I think this post is written in several tenses, but I am too tired to edit it properly. Maybe I should sleep.

One Day

I will be published on more than the internet

I won't be terrified of lice

I will have arm muscles

I will go overseas with that man-o-mine

I will get caught up on my scrapbooking

I will have a TV that doesn't shut off willy nilly

I will successfully convince people to use the word bunk

I will have my own garden

I will drive a Karmann Ghia


I will laugh so hard it hurts

I will order room service in my hotel room because the book I am reading is too good to stop

One day.

Things I Like, Like: 'cause we were roomates in college

Friends- the show and my real ones

Saturday morning bible study

Coffee at said function, and anywhere really

My laptop

Worship time and the music that goes with it

Books in a series when it's a well written story

Quilts

How Addison shakes her leg to the beat of any Taylor Swift song;
it's more of a knee pop

Really amazing books that challenge me to be a better Christian and less self absorbed

The fact that I can say things to my friends and know that if they are judging me, they are trying not to and want to love me anyway

Thrift store finds- happiness

Acoustic guitar paired with good lyrics and a good vocalist aka Rebecca Brown

Mike Brewer.. I think we have been over this; try to keep up, people

Always Will Be Yours

This song reminds me of Hebrews 13:8 when we are reminded that God is the same God of yesterday, today, and the God that is to come. It reminds me of the reoccurring analogy of Jesus and his bride and marriage. It also reminds me of The Man. I like that guy. He isn't as obsessed with music and lyrics as I am, but I totally dedicate this song to him anyway. It's by a guy named TJ McCloud, who I totally dig.


As if you didn't know
As if I could ever hide what I'm feeling
You've got me reeling
I'm just so in love with you

Like some sort of fairy tale
Or a coin in a wishing well
This happy ever after,
It feels like it's coming true

From the first to the last
Every moment we'll ever have
I'll be there, you be sure

Cause I have been, I am
And I always will be yours
Every dream, every hope that I had
You're so much more
Cause I have been, I am
And I always will be yours

From the first word you said to me
I knew I was meant to be in your arms
Heart and soul, baby
I give my whole life to you

From the first to the last
Every moment we'll ever have
I'll be there, you be sure

Cause I have been, I am
And I always will be yours
Every dream, every hope that I had
You're so much more


Every smile, every tear
Yeah, this heart just won't beat
Without you being near

Cause I have been, I am
And I always will be yours

Looking back through all of this time
I've been waiting for your love to find me

Cause I have been, I am
And I always will be yours

15 Years of That Man O'Mine

Today, March 23, is our 15th wedding anniversary. We are celebrating with him in the Oakland airport flying home from Seattle the round about way and me on my bed homeschooling children. To make everything better, I bought a shirt that reads I HEART MY HUBBY. All is right with the world again. Or, it will be as soon as he gets here to see that I am an athletic supporter.

Additionally, I have compiled a list of things I like about that guy.

1. He is hot. Seriously. Not many girls can say that about their husbands after nearly two decades of being together.
2. He loves me for me. He doesn't care if I have hay-stack hair, make-up under my eyes from two days ago, or mismatched socks. He loves me.
3. He is an amazing father. He lets my kids crawl all over him, he sets an example of what a man ought to be, and he reminds them to be respectful to their mother. Because of who he chooses to be, my girls will know what it means to be loved properly, and my boys will know how to love their wives.
4. He will watch Twilight with me. It has less to do with the movie than the fact that he will watch a chickish flick with me without griping.
5. He will eat leftover chicken wings in bed with me. That may sound like a euphemism, but I mean it in the most literal sense.
6. He will eat leftover chicken wings in bed with me. I know that sounds delicious, but this time I mean it as a euphemism. Please don't ask me to explain; I couldn't even if I knew what it meant.
7. He works. Over the past thirteen years of being parents, he has been willing to work three jobs and do anything in his power to make it so I can stay home with my kids. Again, this is something many girls cannot say about their men. Take a word of advice boys. Hardworking men are a turn on.
8. He is an athletic supporter. He encourages me to take care of myself, finish school, and chase after my dreams. And he doesn't do any of these things because of what he will get in return. He just supports.
9. He can cook. True this wasn't always something he knew he could do, but I completely appreciate this new found talent. Especially when it is the form of garlic bread.
10. He misses me when I am gone. Maybe a lot of boys miss their girls, but he tells me. It only makes a difference when you know.

Back In Reno Sans The Man

Washington is truly a beautiful state. Well, the 30 mile radius we visited. Beautiful. We got to be a little touristy and visit the Pike(s) Place(s) Market(s)*. Most of it was closed, but it was amazingly clean. After living in Nevada for so long, I am not sure how I feel about living in a place with no nudity and no garbage strewn about. I DID have my picture made beneath the very first Starbucks sign ever hung, but the line was too long to get a drink. The sun even peeked through the clouds and shooed them away at one point. Beautiful. My hair was remarkably tame, but that may be false advertising. My favorite part was the endless chatting my friend No(dot dot) el is able to keep up with when we talk over coffee and blankets. I could have spent a week with her and not caught up with the last two years. Thank you friends for being the sort of people who can simply pick up where we left off being friends. Thanks for driving us around and letting us have a room at the Scofield Inn. And thanks for getting my jokes. You are a rare breed.

*I realize there are no esses on these words. That is my ode to Moses, the tallest man.

Why I Like Mike #28

He is taking me to Washington to see what it's like to smooch there, have coffee there, see friends there, and see how big my hair gets there. My guess is this.

See yas.

The Neighbor.. Again

I am considering making Dillan a regular on my blog. That kid is a hoot. Like a really funny owl. He knocked on my door when the kids and I were gone, and only The Man was home. Remember when Dillan is nine?

The Man: Hey Dillan; what's up?

Dillan: Hey. Can Eli play?

The Man: No, sorry. He isn't home right now.

Dillan (pauses): Are you guys moving to Washington?

The Man: Well, it's a possibility.

Dillan (with the straightest face EVER): Like, how much? What's the percentage?

The Man (stifles giggle in the face of the most serious 9yo in the world): Uhm, I can't really say, Dillan. We just have to wait and see.

Dillan: Why don't you guys move to Sacramento? At least if you move to Sacramento I can see Elijah when I visit my grandma in the summer.

The Man: Well, I have applied there too; maybe we'll get lucky.

Dillan: What are the chances? Can you give me a percentage.

The Man (clearly bested by a child): I just don't know, Buddy.

Dillan: Why are you guys moving anyway?

The Man: Well, I lost my job. I got laid off. So, I have to go somewhere that can give me a job.

Dillan after a VERY heavy sigh: See, this is why I hate the government.

The Man: Me too, Buddy. Me too.

The Things You Learn

Through all of this lay off crapola (yes, it is a word. Look it up. If it isn't there, get a new dictionary.) I have realized a few things about myself:

I do not like to exercise or keep to my schedule (hence my load of laundry, my list of books read, and my once again chubby belly. BAH)

Also, I am an emotional eater (hence, my chubby belly and the ever growing pile o junk food)

Finally, I use hence more often. hence.

To stick to my plan of yelling (in my mind) SUCK IT SATAN as often as possible, I am going to continue training for this half-marathon. Today, I am attempting five miles. This is ambitious in a way I cannot clearly convey because A) I run like Phoebe (please see above) 2) I haven't done more than a mile at a time in the last month and D) Running is boring. GAH!

UPDATE: I ran a mile and my treadmill broke. Great. Awesome. Stupid.

BAH

I do not sleep well when my husband is out of town. My mind goes a gazillion miles per hour and no longer coincide with my body schedule the second The Man leaves the city. Yesterday, he and some other boys drove to Nampa, Idaho to test for their fire department. I made my kids tuck me in for a change of pace and read Water for Elephants until my eyes were bleary. About three hours into the middle of the night, I awoke and couldn't go back to sleep. I turned my side table lamp on and finished reading. That's making lemonade out of lemons. It was truly happiness. In addition to finishing my book in about two days, I came up with this list of nonsense beating down my proverbial door:

• Make a list; keeping this stuff in my mind is making me crazy
• Pick up nonsensical degree verification form from University of Phoenix
• See if Whole Foods accepts food stamps, cause I really like their pop tarts and salmon
• Get boxes
• Pack master bedroom closet- after heavily junking most of it
• Plan songs for bible study worship time
• Practice song for Sunday, communion
• Get fingerprints fingerprinted AGAIN and mailed out
• Compile application bits and mail out for WA teacher certification
• Fill out applications for teaching next year in about ten different school districts
• Return the pile of books I seem to have accumulated from Pastor Lou
• Find a new book to read, 'cause this one is almost finished
• Update calendar
• Shower (yes. I put it on my list)
• Switch the laundry before it goes rank
• Send No(dot dot)el my itinerary for our trip to visit her
• Send a reminder text to weekend babysitter
• See if anyone wants to be entertained by one of my kids for the weekend
• Send encouraging texts to The Man
  
• Send out a newsletter for Hands of Hope Missions
• Make a few phone calls for student sponsors for HOHM
  
• Sleep, I think my sleeper is broken
• Fix alarm clock, it's still blinking from our power outage
• Plan menu for the week
• Work on homework
• Grade papers
• Update online grading system for my students
• Trade lives with someone with a smaller list