A Change is in the Air (actually a few of them)-ramblings

This weekend I attended my Las Vegas church's 20th annual women's retreat. The theme was In the Garden of Eden and the focus was getting ourselves rooted in what God is intending us to be rooted, get rid of the rotten fruit we are producing, enhance the good stuff, and open our eyes to areas the slimy serpent is tricking us. Many of you know I am drawn to trees so the fact that everything this weekend was centered around the analogy of the tree meant so much to me. On Monday, I was feeling the need to disappear and sort through some things God has been yelling at me. I realize he doesn't normally yell, but every time I respond to his usual gentle pull by putting my fingers in my ears and singing the la la la's, his voice seems to get louder and louder for my clear understanding. SO I got on the phone and began scrambling to plan an out of town trip for the following Friday. God worked out everything! I was on the 6:15 am flight to Ontario Friday morning AND I was signed up to room with my friends. Perfect.

The first night, after strolling IKEA, watching episode after episode of The Office, and giggling to the brink of self urination, we settled in for worship and a teaching about the fruit we are producing. I have heard this teaching many times, but Terry Powell (one of the greatest almost pastor preachers I have ever heard) just has a way of digging in and speaking the truth. She covered our role as women, wives, and mothers and reminded us that cleavage is not actually necessary at church or anywhere outside of the bedroom. I leaned over and tried to convince my neighbor she was referring to me, but nobody was buying it. sigh.

I got the usual goodness out of the teaching with some good reminders. It wasn't a life changing speech for me because I feel God has been dealing with me with this issue for at least a year now, and I have made good strides. At the end, we sang another song and Terry Powell one of the greatest almost pastors said we could come up if there was anything we wanted prayer for. I was up at the front before I realized I was out of my seat. What?! What am I going to ask for prayer about? AHH, maybe I will ask to hear about what God was saying during my la la la's.

I said something like "Can I get prayer so I can hear God more clearly? I feel like he is trying to say something to me, but I can't quite hear. No, that is a lie. I feel like God has been more than clear about something and I have mostly said thanks anyway." After the lady laughed for at least a minute, she prayed for me. It was a good, releasing kind of prayer. She prayed for God to restore even deeper my gift of music and show what my calling is in this area so I can share it and bring glory to God. I felt happy. But then she said, "I feel like God is trying to give you a gift, but you are refusing to receive it. Any ideas?"

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Yes, that may be familiar. I cried. A little kid cry when he realizes there is no justification in his behavior. crap. So, I went back to my seat and asked for forgiveness for being lamer than Moses when God asked him to free the Israelites. He forgave me, and I turned my ears on to hear more clearly what I am supposed to do now that I have said yes, cause frankly I am still terrified and tragically under qualified.

The rest of the night was full of laughter and fantastic friends who just get me.

Saturday morning included another good teaching from Terry Powell the greatest almost pastor ever on boundaries. A subject I love. When it was through, we were each given a little paper pamphlet of verses and asked to spend at least an hour alone with God, just being and digging in. We do this every year and I used to feel weird, but it is what I was looking forward to all week. I was so anxious to be alone with God. Let me set the scenery: Calvary College, lake in the center of the grounds, lush trees and California green everywhere, so many trees you can't see or hear any of the surrounding businesses, randomly placed college students playing guitar and worshiping, winding sidewalk trails over what I consider steep hills. I settled on a spot on a grassy hill very near the lake. The breeze was strong, but perfect.
I prayed for my time and for me to find God's voice while I was there. I have stopped asking God to meet me. That is silly. He is here waiting; if I can't find him it is me, not him that is missing. About one minute into my prayer, God gave me a song. I wrote it in my journal and finished it in about 30 minutes. music and lyrics. Thanks again, Tony, for praying for that. I was overwhelmed with my quiet time. I only hope I can find that same sort of quiet at home. I hate to seem pessimistic, but there are just so many noises.
The rest of the retreat was filled with good reminders and laughter to the brink of self urination. I was given very specific areas to work on, accept, and renew. My friends were given real life visuals through moldy fruit and may have gotten tired of hearing the phrase, "hey, I feel like God wants me to tell you something." I hope you don't feel like we ganged up on you Jess. We honestly did not preplan your intervention HA!! I feel God started using my newly discovered gifts right away, and so far I have been obedient. so far. There was all the things you want to find at a retreat: relaxation, confirmation, late night laughter, hot springs, connection, crying, and mostly God. I left with a cold, but still feeling grateful for all of the above.