Thoughts That Plague Me

The following is a rewrite of one of the many conversations that happen in my head. I picture my conversations between two characters: Intelligence (a woman, dark hair, white Egyptian princess gown, modest, speaks my true thoughts) and The Other Hand (a man, rebel, James Dean persona, of course a leather jacket and jeans, speaks my alternate thoughts, usually flippant). This conversation took place this morning, in my kitchen, in my brain.

I: My head is killing me. My whole upper body is killing me. I think it's connected.

TOH: You knew this was coming.

I: I know I knew this was coming. Your advice isn't helpful. Why do people think pointing out the obvious is helpful? Stop talking.

TOH: What do you want from me? You knew this was coming.

I: How about prayer, encouragement, options?!

TOH: Of course you have options; EVERYone has options.

I: Like what? (quietly) My jaw is killing me. (Aloud to no one in particular) I don't want to think about my pain. I am going to choose not to be a part of it. The devil will get tired of trying. He has to get tired of trying, right? (To TOH) What options?

TOH: Quit.

I: That's stupid.

TOH: You are stupid. You think the devil gets tired. The only reason any of this is happening is because you are out front now. You know he doesn't like it. He hardly pays any attention to the people in the back. So, you have options.

I: THAT's your advice?!

TOH: It works. People do it all the time. They try to obey, and it hurts, so they stop showing up.

I: That is not an option. You are saying that I can keep suffering or quit and hide and hope the devil doesn't notice me anymore.

TOH: Yep.

I: Now you really are stupid. Do you really think choosing NOT to serve God will make things better? Don't answer. Why do I even ask you for help?

TOH: To hear how stupid NOT serving God is. To remind you, you know what you are supposed to be doing. To make you irritated enought to forget about your circumstances and prove me wrong.

I: Yah, well, it's working.

Job

"..Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Suck on This Satan

I feel like the devil is trying to attach strings to my limbs in his ridiculous attempts to control me. What really sucks is that he seems to get one or two strings on me before I realize I am being played. I refuse to be a puppet on a string. I choose God. DID YOU HEAR ME, SATAN? I CHOOSE GOD!!

So, go ahead, bring it! I can take it. Actually, I don't need to take it.
My God can take it.

Not long ago, I got a tattoo on my wrist of an Icthys, or as I like to call it, my Jesus fish. I know a wrist tattoo is a bold spot for a girl like me, especially because I will be a teacher some day. BUT, I feel that too regularly my focus is taken off of God's will in my life and onto the worries that come so easily to the world I live in. My tattoo is a great reminder of who I want to guide my days.

Yesterday, we saw in full flesh, the workings of a ten year old pushing the boundaries. It wasn't pretty, and just got uglier throughout the day. I felt like a pawn every time I gave into an argument, or I rolled my eyes, or raised my voice. A string on my hand.
Last night, I held tight to my prideful attitude and justified my meanness. A string on my other hand.
Today, we got word via the newspaper that my husband may be laid off. I cried and got angry. A string on my foot.
I chose to read my bible, worship, and be alone with God for a bit. He reminded me that he has called me to things, and my joy is in him, so whether I feel like it or not, my job is to obey. He reminded me that my future comes from him, not the articles in the newspaper or even my husband's job. He said he loves me. And I said, "I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray." ~ Psalm 17:6, NLT
Snip, Snip, Snip. Back to square one.

I Got CHILLS, they're multiplyin'!!

Tonight was the kids' sock hop at school. Here is why it is great:

I am home with babies, blogging about the good time they are probably having

My husband volunteered to take them

my kids are brave enough to dress up for the occasion!

Here are two of Elijah while Mike was helping him to roll his pants just perfectly for the night. Look at that sweet tatt.


Here are the rest.

Good Morning Sunshine

6am
I wake up, eyes squinting, fighting to stay closed.
I faintly hear Squirrel sized feet stomping up the stairs- all 14 stairs.
Stomp, Stomp across the loft.
My eyes are open, I breathe deeply preparing myself to hear a very angry Squirrel.
At the top of her voice, in my very quiet, dark bedroom, CRYING CRYING ANGRY CRYING,

"MOOOMMY! I ASKED LAYLA, LAYLA WOULDN'T, I WANTED TO CHANGE MY SHIRT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WEAR A NEW SHIRT, AND LAYLA WOULDN'T WAIT FOR MEEEEE!"
I roll my eyes because I am a human, and very quietly say,
"honey, Layla Grace has a lot of things to get done in the morning.
She doesn't have time to wait for you to change your shirt. Go downstairs and eat breakfast."

I close my eyes and wonder how on earth my husband is still sleeping. I think of kicking him, but don't.

CRYING CRYING SCREAMING. Foot stomping. Elijah yelling, but I can't make out the words.
The angry squirrel is suddenly back in my room. YELLING "MOMMY!! Eli just hit Layla in the BACK!!"
I slide out of bed, roll my eyes at my husband because I am human, and walk downstairs with my eyes closed, hair probably everywhere.

"What is going on down here?" In a fake calm voice.

I am looking sternly with my one opened eye.
Sam, screaming for new cereal and more milk.
Addison yelling that Eli is naughty.
Layla screaming because she was, in fact, hit in the back by my son.
Elijah admitting whole heartedly that he hit Layla.
Isabelle yelling at the dog. "MOBY, DON'T THROW UP ON THE CARPET!MOBY YOU BETTER NOT THROW UP ON THE CARPET" She yells this repeatedly as the dog makes with the heaving.

I can hear all of it. I can see all of it. I start to cry a little, but end up laughing a little.

Still wondering how my husband is still sleeping.
Let the dog out.
Remind Sam there is no more milk.
Console him by offering him sugar to pour on his cereal because I am a mother.
Remind my son, Elijah, that he is not in charge of Layla and threaten him.
Remind Addison that she is not allowed to tell lies that convince her brother to hit her sister. Send Addison to her room.
Make coffee.
Realize I am out of creamer. Think a naughty word.
Good morning. Time to start the day.

Pearl the Squirrel

Miss Addison, I have a feeling, will always have me laughing, even when I am old.

Major Sigh

At first glance, this boy seems sweet as candy. I have Photo Shopped out his budding horns. Last night, upon hearing our session of Wii Sports was coming to an end, this little rotten egg proceeded to firmly grasp the remote control and hurl it, Olympic javelin style, just right of center into my 42" Vizio LCD television screen.

In case you are wondering, yes, he does have quite an arm, yes, I did spank him, yes, my husband was extensively angry, yes, everyone in the house froze for at least a minute, and no, I cannot afford to replace it. The only reason I could afford a TV like that in the first place was because of my stellar puzzle solving skills on The Wheel. Annoying.

Dinner, Friends, Family, and Music

Aren't these all of the things Paul from the Bible says we are supposed to be a part of in our daily lives? Yah, well, I don't think he said RockBand in the scriptures, but he would have if he had the option.

My New Friend Natalie rocking out to Beastie Boys' Sabatoge. No, I am not kidding. She seriously rocked, and a little bit became a hero.

And this is her incredibly cute little bean. Couldn't you just crack open that baby's little peanut head and eat her? No? oh, well, I just mean she is cute.


Tristan, my song singing nephew!

Layla Grace on drums. WOOOOHOOOO!

CUTIE!



Who wants to come to dinner?

Shooting BBall

We signed the girl(number 1) up for basketball for the first time ever. In fact, this is her stab at a sport for the first time ever if you don't count ice skating, which you shouldn't. This, I think is a great sport for our family, and I will tell you why. One kid gets lessons while the other four crazies run amok with permission! Like a glove, I tell ya! Here are the hi-lights.


This one is my favorite, not because she made the shot, but because she's trying. I don't know if it is all first borns (I am sooo not one) or just my Isabelle, but she is hesitant in anything she isn't positive she will master at first touch. I love her still, but man that gets frustrating. It's God's way of teaching me to have mercy for those I don't understand, and frankly, there are a lot of you.


This is her fighting her smile as all the boys on her team clapped for her and her attempts at making free throw shots. Really? Free throws on a regulation hoop for 4th and 5th graders? Why not just pound them as they come in the door? It is what I do to my dinner guests; it sets the bar of expectations low.


She confessed after practice she didn't know there would be so much to learn, but she still loves it.


Then of course you have these clowns in the background:






Seriously, John and Kate Plus 8 ain't got nuthin' on us. We need our own camera crew.

Life on Purpose: I meant to do that

Because I am a dedicated writer (ha) I have upheld a second blog for some time now. I thought I would give you guys all a chance to have a looky-lou. It began as a bible study through a blog forum and has taken on a few changes.
With my life's goal to live with God's purpose, this new blog site gives me a chance to try out some new ideas. My devotion this afternoon had a great quote:

Peace comes when we fix our minds on God and on his stability in our chaotic days.

That is excellent. Especially because too many days I feel anxiety lingering on my doorstep, and my mothering guilt instinct wants to dominate my sleep.
Please check it out and leave me a comment saying happy things. Happy things are my favorites to read, but I will acknowledge the other ones as well.
For all of you local Reno-onions, this will be the location of my small group starting in the spring. I don't have the date yet.

Somebody Needs to Do Something

I stumbled across this article while toying with the idea of serving God. I think I am going to go through with it, but just in case I chicken out, I thought I should share the article so you can be motivated as well.

UPDATE: For some very odd reason, this article is no where to be found. I can get to the webpage, but then nothing. How bizarre. Sorry for the tease.

Mike

Why I like Mike #19. He bought me a present :) And not just any present, but a Canon Rebel Xs . I am utterly in love. Now, I just need to learn how to use it. Here are some samples:









Happy 2009.